Bitch Slap

bitch slap3Bitch Slap (2009)   Summit Entertainment/Action-Adventure   RT: 109 minutes   Rated R (non-stop profanity and vulgar remarks, strong brutal graphic violence, nudity, strong sexual content, drug use)   Director: Rick Jacobson   Screenplay: Rick Jacobson and Eric Gruendemann   Music: John R. Graham   Cinematography: Stuart Asbjornsen   Release date: January 8, 2010 (US)   Starring: Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, America Olivo, Michael Hurst, Ron Melendez, William Gregory Lee, Minae Noji, Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless, Renee O’Connor, Dennis Keiffer, Zoe Bell.   Box Office: $17,365 (US)  

Rating:fullstar1fullstar1fullstar1star-empty1

I had to watch Bitch Slap twice before I got it, it’s an incoherent violent mess of an exploitation flick. It reminded me of 2001’s 3000 Miles to Graceland ( a personal guilty pleasure!) in that the movie doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it’s still fun to watch for the sheer silliness of it all. It only had a limited release around the US and I don’t recall that it ever played in any theaters in the Philadelphia area. I first came across this movie as I perused the racks of the local DVD store and immediately fell in love with the title. I didn’t like it too much the first time I watched it, but I decided to give it a second chance and really pay attention to the various plot developments as they came flying at the audience as quickly as a rocket-powered Frisbee. Lo and behold, I realized that Bitch Slap wasn’t much more than a good old-fashioned exploitation flick on speed. I’m not saying that it’s a quality film, but it’s most definitely grindhouse worthy, it even contains references to various Quentin Tarantino movies like Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill and Death Proof. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I like Bitch Slap, it’s really not that bad of an estrogen-fuelled action flick. Uh huh, that’s right, this one belongs to the girls! It’s more comparable to The Doll Squad than Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (I never did understand that title).

bitch slapWhat can you say about a flick that opens with a quote from Joseph Conrad and closes with a quote from The Art of War? Not too much except that you’re in for one hell of a violent ride! The aforementioned Conrad quote reads, “A belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary, men alone are quite capable of every wickedness ….”. That statement definitely extends to the female protagonists of Bitch Slap- business woman Hel (Cummings), violent ex-con Camaro (Olivo) and stripper Trixie (Voth). As the movie opens, they pull up to a trailer in a remote section of the Nevada desert with small-time criminal Gage (Hurst) stashed in the car trunk. They want to know where something is buried, but he’s not about to reveal that information. It has something to do with a crime boss named Pinky that nobody’s ever seen. Nobody gets to deal with Pinky face-to-face. He’s the Keyser Soze of this universe! Anyway, the primary story of Bitch Slap has the three hot babes trying to get their hands on whatever might be buried near the trailer.

It doesn’t really matter what it is, it’s simply a MacGuffin, a catalyst for all the violent activity that’s about to transpire. You see, other people would like to get their hands on the buried treasure including Hot Wire (Lee), a punk-rock psycho and his equally psychotic Asain girlfriend Kinki (Noji). She doesn’t speak any English, but she doesn’t have to since she sports a deadly yo-yo/saw blade type weapon. Think of Kinki and her unique weapon as a cross between Kill Bill and Octopussy.

 

Naturally, there’s absolutely no honor among these thieves and they’re constantly screwing each other over. We’re talking secrets and double-crosses here ….. lots of them! Among other things, Bitch Slap is guilty of aggravated sensory assault, but it’s the good kind of sensory assault, the kind that makes you feel like you’ve just taken a ride on the world’s most deadly roller coaster. The movie jumps back and forth in time, throwing an inordinate amount of flashbacks at the viewer. It has lots of split-screen effects and wild editing. Bitch Slap also contains some pretty shocking stuff, like the flashback sequence that shows Camaro hiding out at a convent and performing a sexual act on another nun inside a confessional booth. There’s a hot lesbian make out scene and a three-way water fight among the three “heroines”. Camaro is very unstable and pops pills throughout the entire movie. There’s lots of loud rock music, sexual imagery and boobie shots (yes, the girls have big boobs!). In another flashback sequence, Gage threatens Trixie with a souped-up dildo/weapon. It’s a wild movie! It doesn’t really matter that the primary actors can’t really act, the chicks are hot and that’s all that really matters in a movie like this. Kevin Sorbo (Hercules) and Lucy Lawless (Xena) make cameo appearances as does stuntwoman Zoe Bell (remember her from Death Proof?). The violence is nice and bloody, especially the scene where some scumbag gets killed with the rear wheel of a motorcycle. One of the girls finds a big ass machine gun in the trailer and you just know that it will be used by the time the closing credits roll. The movie might be loud and incoherent, but it never loses sight of its humble exploitation flick origins. It’s a flashy B-movie that actually works! It has all the essential components and the filmmakers make great use of them. It’s a great “bad movie”! If you like this sort of thing, you should check it out, you won’t be disappointed.

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