Ishtar (1987) Columbia/Action-Comedy RT: 107 minutes Rated PG-13 (language, some violent content, brief nudity Director: Elaine May Screenplay: Elaine May Music: Dave Grusin Cinematography: Vittorio Storaro Release date: May 15, 1987 (US) Starring: Warren Beatty, Dustin Hoffman, Isabelle Adjani, Charles Grodin, Jack Weston, Tess Harper, Carol Kane, Aharon Ipale, Fuad Hageb, David Margulies, Rose Arrick. Box Office: $14.3 million (US)
Rating: *
May 15, 1987, a day that will live in cinematic infamy. It’s the day a bomb was dropped on theaters across the country. Yes, I’m talking about Ishtar, the notorious $51M boondoggle starring two Oscar winners and directed by a well-regarded comedy writer.
Warren Beatty (Reds) and Dustin Hoffman (Rain Man) play Lyle Rogers and Chuck Clarke, two extraordinarily untalented singer-songwriters who work tirelessly to compose awful songs nobody wants to hear. Their agent Marty Freed (Weston, Dirty Dancing) gets them a gig in Morocco where they unwittingly become involved in a plot to overthrow the Emir of the neighboring fictional country of Ishtar.
Ishtar might have sounded good on paper, but it got lost on the way to theater screens. It became an expensive train wreck instead of the hit action-comedy the makers intended. There is a lot wrong with Ishtar. Actually, there is nothing right about it. Let’s begin with its biggest and most obvious problem. It’s NOT funny. It’s not even mildly amusing. The word “excruciating” comes to mind when describing the experience of watching it.
The opening of Ishtar is especially painful to watch. We get a series of scenes showing Lyle and Chuck’s first meeting and their pitiful attempts to become the next Simon & Garfunkel. That writer-director Elaine May (Heaven Can Wait) would even compare these idiots to one of the greatest singing duos of the 20th century is an insult to S&G and their fans. We watch in utter misery as their respective romantic partners, Tess Harper (Tender Mercies) and Carol Kane (The Princess Bride), leave them. It leads to an embarrassingly unfunny scene of a despondent Chuck standing on the ledge of a building while various people (Lyle, his parents, cops and a rabbi) try to talk him down. Whoever edited these scenes either didn’t know what they were doing or the studio did it to make it shorter. Either way, it’s enough to make you want to jump off the roof of the theater.
Immediately upon arrival in Morocco, Chuck is approached by Shirra (Adjani, Possession) at the airport. She asks him to lend her his passport and suitcase which he generously and stupidly does. What follows is a series of events too complicated to go into. I’m not entirely sure I understand it myself. What I can say is that almost every government agency conceivable seems to be involved- the CIA, the KGB, the FBI and probably even the ASPCA, who knows? Moreover, who cares? There’s some business about a map that could remove the Emir from power, a blind camel and a journey through the desert where they find themselves in a middle of an illegal arms deal.
It’s disheartening to see a movie like Ishtar go down in flames as spectacularly as it does. May had plenty of talent to work with including her own. Her credits include A New Leaf, The Heartbreak Kid and Mikey and Nicky. The idea of an update of the Road to comedies starring Bob Hope and Bing Crosby is one that could have worked if not for May’s heavy-handed direction. Ishtar is one of the clunkiest comedies I’ve ever seen. Every gag hits the ground with a thud loud enough to be heard around the world. I didn’t laugh once, not once. I did, however, smile a little at the deliberately terrible songs (“Love in My Will”, “That a Lawnmower Can Do All That”, “How Big Am I?”) by Paul Williams. It’s the only time Ishtar isn’t completely painful.
It’s weird seeing the two leads play against type. It’s not believable either. Hoffman’s character is a womanizer while Beatty’s is shy and insecure. Who’s going to believe either thing? They try their best, but the material underserves them in a big way by reducing them to idiots. They’re required to do some embarrassing things here. I’m surprised they agreed to any of it given the gargantuan size of their egos. Do they even talk about Ishtar? I’d be surprised if they did.
It’s bad enough Beatty and Hoffman squandered their talent on this turkey. What’s worse is how Ishtar wastes the talent of its supporting cast, especially the reliable Charles Grodin (Seems Like Old Times) as a CIA agent who recruits Chuck to work for them. And poor Isabelle Adjani, she’s better than this. She’s proven that in films like The Story of Adele H, Possession and Camille Claudel. She isn’t given a lot to do other than flash her breast to prove to Chuck she’s not a man. In the actress’ defense, she was seeing Beatty at the time. Still, it’s sad to see her flounder in substandard material.
Ishtar put an end to May’s directorial career. She hasn’t directed another movie since. She redeemed herself somewhat with her screenplays for The Birdcage and Primary Colors. To be fair, the failure of Ishtar isn’t entirely on her. Columbia had a hand in it too. Many other factors came together to form a perfect sandstorm of disaster.
Everybody knows Ishtar is one of the biggest flops of all time. It made only $14.3M against its mammoth $51M budget. I saw it opening night and despite a fairly sizable crowd of mostly looky-loos, nobody was laughing. But is it really that bad? YES, IT IS! Unlike Howard the Duck, it does live up to its bad reputation. And it hasn’t improved with age either. It’s still a colossal stinker. Oh, you don’t believe me? I dare you to see for yourself. I double dare you. Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you.
