Zapped! (1982) Embassy Pictures/Comedy RT: 98 minutes Rated R (language, nudity, sexual humor/content, alcohol and drug use by teens) Director: Robert J. Rosenthal Screenplay: Robert J. Rosenthal and Bruce Rubin Music: Charles Fox Cinematography: Daniel Pearl Release date: July 23, 1982 (US, limited)/September 3, 1982 (US, wide) Cast: Scott Baio, Willie Aames, Robert Mandan, Felice Schachter, Scatman Crothers, Heather Thomas, Greg Bradford, Sue Ane Langdon, Roger Bowen, Mews Small, Merritt Butrick, Hilary Beane, Corinne Bohrer, LaWanda Page, Eddie Deezen. Box Office: $16.9M (US)
Rating: ***
What’s a teenage boy’s definition of “the luckiest guy in the world”? It’s any dude who can remove a girl’s clothing with his mind instead of his hands. That lucky guy is Barney Springboro (Baio, Happy Days), the main character of Zapped, an enjoyable spoof of the 1976 horror classic Carrie.
Zapped was one of the teen sex comedies that followed in the wake of the surprise success of Porky’s. I didn’t get to see it at the movies for the usual reason, the parental R-rated movie block. Thankfully, that wall came down by the following summer allowing me to watch it on HBO. I may have been a hormonal 15YO at the time, but even I knew not to expect Shakespeare. Somehow I can’t see the Bard writing a play about a telekinetic high schooler using his powers for the usual teen hijinks.
Science nerd Barney acquires his powers after an accident in the school laboratory. Suddenly, he finds that he can move things with his mind. It comes as good news to his best friend Peyton (Aames, Eight Is Enough) who immediately finds ways for Barney to use his powers for financial, personal gain and sexual gain. Brainy class president Bernadette (Schachter, The Facts of Life) wants Barney to present his newly acquired gift to the scientific community. What’s a guy to do?
Directed by Robert J. Rosenthal (Malibu Beach), Zapped is rather episodic. It has several characters, each with their own thing going on. Let me give you a rundown of the key points.
– Peyton wants to score with Jane (Thomas, The Fall Guy), the hot and snobby head cheerleader/prom queen. She wants nothing to do with him. Her jock boyfriend Robert (Bradford, Skatetown U.S.A.) wants to rip his head off.
– The school principal (Mandan, Soap) has no idea what’s going on in his own school. He’s only concerned with his prize orchids and whether anybody’s responded to his personal ad in the local newspaper.
– The baseball coach (Crothers, The Shining) wants only two things: 1) for his wife (Page, Sanford and Son) to let him to eat salami again (she claims it causes cancer) and 2) to win at least one game before the end of the season. Barney, of course, uses his powers to help with the second thing.
– Barney’s parents, played by Roger Bowen (M*A*S*H) and Mews Small (Thank God It’s Friday), automatically attribute their son’s odd behavior to drugs and try to ground him, but it’s nothing that a floating ventriloquist’s dummy can’t handle. Then Mom calls in an exorcist.
– The senior class takes a trip to an amusement park where Peyton convinces Barney to use his powers to help him beat Jane’s boyfriend at the various carnival games. Then he helps Peyton win a drunken bet with the mean-spirited jock.
– Other highlights include Barney standing up to a pair of bullies and an ill-fated visit to a makeshift casino at a nearby frat house. Let’s not forget the prom at the end. That’s where Barney goes nuts and makes the girls’ clothes fly off.
Just like any other horny teenager flick, everybody has sex on the brain and they’re not afraid to get into it anytime, anywhere. The principal and the English teacher (Langdon, Without Warning) do it in a fancy restaurant. A student and the secretary (Beane, Thank God It’s Friday) do it on a desk in the office. Peyton does it with Jane at his house. Barney and Bernadette, who become romantically involved, do it in the lab. Their relationship is actually sweet.
Other familiar faces pop up throughout. The late Merritt Butrick (Square Pegs) plays the class punk. His poem for English class “Chicks” is an absolute riot. Corinne Bohrer (Joysticks) plays a fellow student. Hollywood’s go-to nerd Eddie Deezen (Grease 1 and 2, Midnight Madness) makes a cameo appearance. In addition, Rosenthal makes humorous references to The Exorcist, Taxi Driver and Star Trek.
Zapped plays like an R-rated version of a live-action version of the Disney comedies starring Kurt Russell as a college student who’s always up to some kind of scientific shenanigans- The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, Now You See Him, Now You Don’t and The Strongest Man in the World. It even has the same kind of cheesy special effects.
Who wants to talk about the acting in Zapped? Neither do I. It isn’t that kind of movie. You can neither praise nor criticize the performances. Something like that doesn’t make a bit of difference when it comes to horny teenager movies. That being said, most of the actors in the movie are better known for their roles on TV shows than feature films. It makes me wonder if people who paid to see it at the movies felt cheated.
Baio and Aames have great chemistry. It’s probably what led to them being cast in the 80s sitcom Charles in Charge. Thomas is no better or worse than any other blond actress with big boobs and minimal talent. She refused to take off her clothes for the movie so the filmmakers substituted a body double for her topless scenes. I like Scatman Crothers (voice of Hong Kong Phooey!) and LaWanda Page (Aunt Esther!) very much. I wish she had more than two brief scenes.
Zapped makes for an enjoyable viewing experience. It’s funny, good-natured and harmless. It has a great soundtrack that includes a nice love song called “Got to Believe in Magic” by David Pomeranz) played over a romantic montage featuring Barney and Bernadette doing the usual playful things new teen couples do before they jump in the sack.
There are no pretentions about Zapped. It never pretends to be something other than what it is, a horny teenager comedy with plenty of T&A. It would make an excellent choice for a young teen’s first R-rated “dirty movie”. It’s naughty without being sleazy. It’s not perfect, not by any means, but it doesn’t really matter. I can’t be too hard on a movie where the hero can make women’s clothes fly off. Besides, something like that would have made my own high school experience much better. Maybe I should have taken that chemistry class after all.
