First Family (1980) Warner Bros./Comedy RT: 100 minutes Rated R (language, sexual humor) Director: Buck Henry Screenplay: Buck Henry Music: Ralph Burns Cinematography: Fred J. Koenekamp Release date: December 25, 1980 (US) Cast: Bob Newhart, Madeline Kahn, Gilda Radner, Richard Benjamin, Bob Dishy, Harvey Korman, Fred Willard, Rip Torn, Austin Pendleton, John Hancock, Julius Harris, Buck Henry, Roger Bowen. Box Office: $15.1M (US)
Rating: *
Potential, it’s a term that gets thrown around a lot. Be it an academically underachieving kid or a rough draft of a first novel, it’s meant to inspire hope of improvement with a little (or a lot of) effort on the subject’s part. It would have taken a whole lot of effort to fix First Family, more effort than anybody appears to be putting into it. It is, in a word, dreadful. To be more precise, it’s not funny. By all rights, it should be, especially with its stellar comedy cast led by Bob Newhart. Instead, it’s occasionally mildly amusing. Myself, I laughed once (and only once) at a sight gag shown in the previews. It’s the only thing that prevents me from giving zero stars to First Family.
Back to potential, First Family has plenty of it. At its core, it’s a political satire. It starts off as one too. It centers on President Manfred Link (Newhart), his family and his staff. Link is an incompetent boob who only got elected because his opponent died just days before the election. Even so, the dead guy still got 30 million votes. The First Lady, Constance (Kahn, Blazing Saddles), is clumsy and usually tipsy. Daughter Gloria (Radner, SNL) is a sex-crazy 28YO virgin who constantly tries to ditch Secret Service so she can get some. His cabinet consists of idiots no more competent than their leader. They are VP Shockley (Dishy, The Big Bus), Press Secretary Bunthorne (Benjamin, The Sunshine Boys), Chief of Staff Feebleman (Willard, Fun with Dick and Jane), Ambassador Spendor (Korman, Blazing Saddles) and Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman General Dumpston (Torn, The Man Who Fell to Earth). I know what you’re thinking. How could a comedy with an impressive roster like this possibly miss? It does, BIG TIME! Read on.
First Family starts off promisingly, but quickly goes downhill in not delivering the laughs tacitly promised by writer-director Buck Henry (Heaven Can Wait). It’s at its best- as good as it gets, that is- early on when it focuses on the daily goings-on at the White House. We watch as Link and company fumble and stumble their way around running the country. If I had to pick up the biggest screw-up in Link’s cabinet, it would be Ambassador Spendor who turns a routine UN meeting into an international incident after exchanging insults (by way of a translator) with the Middle Eastern delegate. It costs Link the swing vote on a measure he’s trying to get passed. In order to get the needed swing vote, he turns to the fictional African county of Upper Gorm. He invites their ambassador (Harris, Live and Let Die) to the White House only to discover they’re unable to communicate due to the language barrier. He brings in a translator Dr. Grade (Pendleton, What’s Up, Doc?) who informs him he inadvertently agreed to visit Upper Gorm in a week’s time.
It’s at this point First Family really starts to go off the rails. In fact, it would be fair to say it completely derails before crashing and burning in the realm of the truly bizarre. In other words, it gets weird and not at all in a good way. Why don’t I just sum it up for you? Link goes to Gorm with his family and staff. It turns out they have a large supply of uranium-enriched soil, the by-product of a volcano on the island. The President of Gorm agrees to a trade in exchange for- get ready- a large number of middle-class Americans they can oppress as a minority. They want to be as much like America as possible. Oh, the visit also involves giant vegetables and human (virgin) sacrifice. I have to say this depiction of an African country is more offensive than the one in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. It’s hard to believe what you could get away with in 1980 (or 1995 for that matter).
Why mince words? First Family is HORRIBLE! I was being generous when I said it was occasionally mildly amusing. Other than the one scene I alluded to earlier, it’s not the least bit funny. It is an egregious waste of a talented cast. They flap, flail and mug to no avail. Henry’s screenplay is utterly devoid of intelligence and wit. It’s never particularly intelligent, but it gets increasingly stupider as it goes on. It stops making sense the last 20 minutes or so. It’s absolutely tragic First Family went so horribly wrong. It has a seed of a good idea. A political satire of an inept President is rife with possibilities. All it needs is a more pointed script and stronger direction. Sadly, we’re saddled with a lazy, pointless satire without bite. It’s moronic, juvenile and loaded with offensive stereotypes like the Arab delegate replete with keffiyeh, thawb and knife is his belt. Hey, how did that get past White House security? I guess they’re as incompetent as everyone else working there.
The saddest thing is I really, really, really wanted to see First Family when it came out. Naturally, I wasn’t allowed. I finally saw it in winter ’82 at my grandparents’ house. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I just said I liked it. Also, I wondered why it was rated R. There isn’t a single f-word and there’s no nudity. Maybe it’s the sexual humor? Today, it would get a PG-13. By any rating, First Family is still a colossal stinker. It hasn’t improved with age. It is an absolute nadir of comedy and every cast member’s career. It ought to be impeached.
