Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987) Cannon/Action-Adventure RT: 100 minutes Rated PG (language, violence, offensive stereotypes) Director: Gary Nelson Screenplay: Gene Quintano and Lee Reynolds Music: Michael Linn Cinematography: Frederick Elmes and Alex Phillips Release date: January 30, 1987 (US) Cast: Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, James Earl Jones, Henry Silva, Robert Donner, Martin Rabbett, Doghmi Larbi, Aileen Marson, Cassandra Peterson, Rory Kilalea. Box Office: $3.7M (US)
Rating: *
The title Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold should be a dead giveaway as to what movie Cannon is ripping off this time. What an unbelievable piece of crap it is. King Solomon’s Mines looks like Treasure of the Sierra Madre compared to this dreary sequel. At least you could laugh at the 1985 movie. This one is just plain bad.
What really gets my goat about Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold is that I made a special effort to see it at the movies. The area theater showing it wasn’t holding it over for a second week and I didn’t want to miss it. I went to see it on its final night while I was sick with some kind of bug. Within ten minutes, I understood why it was leaving after one week. Rarely does a movie this bad see the inside of theaters these days, but back in the dark ages of the 80s, crap like this regularly made it to theaters.
I have no information regarding the film’s budget, but I can presume two things: 1) it wasn’t very much and 2) it didn’t turn a profit. I don’t know what the studio spent on marketing either. I mention this because I noticed that people refer to the title character as “QUARTERmain” and his name is spelled “QUATERmain” in the ads and in the credits. Wouldn’t that be pronounced “quay-ter-main” as spelled? Where’s the missing “R”? It doesn’t really matter because that’s not the only thing missing from Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold. What about a decent script? What about any sense of excitement or fun? What about a convincing hero and heroine? Anything that could have made it entertaining is MIA. What’s left is a drab and dreary grade-Z action-adventure that won’t even please the least demanding viewer.
This one picks up shortly after the events of the first movie. Allan Q. (Chamberlain, The Thorn Birds) and fiancee Jesse (Stone, Basic Instinct) currently reside in colonial Africa, but plan to leave for America soon to get married. Naturally, Quatermain is hesitant to take the plunge. He finds the perfect excuse to stall when he learns his brother Robeson (Rabbett) went missing while searching for the legendary lost city of gold. He wants to go look for him and Jesse takes that as a sign that he really doesn’t want to get married at all. She gets pissed off and leaves to catch the ship bound for the US while he sets forth on another adventure.
As expected, she has second thoughts and returns to join her man on his quest. Quatermain and his future wife are joined on their expedition by a fearless axe-wielding warrior named Umslopagaas (Jones, Conan the Barbarian) and a corrupt holy man named Swarma (Donner, Mork & Mindy). Oh great, just we need, more offensive stereotypes! Quatermain and company make their way through many dangers, toils and snares in the jungle before finally reaching their destination. What they find is a city made almost entirely of gold whose inhabitants appear to live in peace and harmony. Well, not everybody is friendly. Certainly not the evil High Priest Agon (Silva, Sharky’s Machine) who serves as ruler. There are also two queens (Chamberlain is NOT one of them!)- Sorais (Peterson aka TV’s Elvira) is bad and Nyleptha (Marson) is good. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Quatermain’s brother is there too and couldn’t be happier. It all comes down to our heroes rallying the inhabitants to rise up and defeat Agon and his army with weapons made of gold. Believe me, it’s NOT as thrilling as it sounds.
It never fails to astound me when a studio releases a picture that they know damn well is a piece of crap. It shows a great deal of contempt for the audience on their part. I realize that nobody ever expected Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold to be fine cinema, but couldn’t they have at least tried to make it fun like its predecessor? I mean, how hard would that have been? They shot both movies AT THE SAME TIME! And it’s not like they had a bad director calling the shots. Gary Nelson also helmed the original Freaky Friday, The Black Hole and Jimmy the Kid (a true guilty pleasure!). He and everybody else really dropped the ball in a big way with this one.
Now here’s the kicker. I don’t actually hate Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold. Yes, it’s an inferior sequel with cheap special effects (more rear projection), dopey dialogue and a plodding pace. Chamberlain and Stone are even worse together this time around. Is there such a thing as “negative chemistry”? It’s certainly less than the zero chemistry they had in their previous adventure. It’s a terrible picture, yet I can’t completely dismiss it.
In the midst of all the dreck, Henry Silva delivers a scenery-chewing performance that makes Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold almost (and I emphasize almost) bearable. The man is a master overactor. How can you not be a fan? Along those lines, Donner runs a close second. He’s like the evil cousin of Gandhi. Then there’s the plot. It doesn’t just rip off Indiana Jones, it also plunders Conan the Barbarian and Lost Horizon for ideas.
The rest of Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold is just bad. It’s so bad it’ll leave the viewer with a nagging headache. I wasn’t feeling well when I went in and it did nothing to aid in a speedy recovery. I’m well aware I should have stayed home and rested, but my addiction to movies knows no bounds. Yes, I will watch anything and nothing short of WWIII will prevent me from seeing any given movie. However, a movie as horrible as Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold makes me think I should seek the help of a support group. Is there such a thing as MA?
