Gymkata (1985) MGM/Action-Adventure RT: 90 minutes Rated R (language, strong martial arts violence, bloody images, brief nudity) Director: Robert Clouse Screenplay: Charles Robert Carner Music: Alfi Kabiljo Cinematography: Godfrey A. Godar Release date: May 3, 1985 (US) Cast: Kurt Thomas, Tetchie Agbayani, Richard Norton, Edward Bell, John Barrett, Conan Lee, Bob Schott, Buck Kartalian, Eric Lawson, Sonny Barnes, Tadashi Yamashita, Sharan Lea. Box Office: $5.7M (US)
Rating: ***
How can anybody pass up a movie like Gymkata? You’ve got to love an action flick whose tagline promises a new style of fighting that combines “the skill of gymnastics” with “the kill of karate”. To date, it’s the only movie that I know of in which the hero employs these rather unique martial arts techniques.
Gymkata is the very definition of guilty pleasure. It’s so bad, it’s great. It shamelessly borders on parody. I found myself laughing a lot for all the wrong reasons. It’s not supposed to be a comedy. It shouldn’t be this enjoyable. Damned if I didn’t find myself liking this dopey action flick and believe me, they don’t come much dopier than this.
As a straightforward action flick, Gymkata isn’t too bad if you can get around the ridiculous premise. It attempts to do for Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas what Bloodsport would do for martial artist Jean-Claude Van Damme. On that level, it doesn’t succeed at all. Thomas has zero screen presence and no acting talent whatsoever. I can’t imagine what the producers thought as they watched the dailies. However, he’s NOT the first professional athlete to fall into this category. At the time, NOBODY thought bodybuilding champ Arnold Schwarzenegger could act. NOBODY thought he had much of a future in film. He’s probably still laughing all the way to the bank. In short, the producers gambled on Thomas and lost. In my opinion, his terrible performance is part of the fun. I will say this in the late gymnast’s favor. He’s better at the acting thing than Mitch Gaylord. Remember American Anthem? Then you know exactly what I’m talking about.
The Special Intelligence Agency (SIA) approaches gymnast Jonathan Cabot (Thomas) after a match and asks him for a huge favor. They want him to enter the fictional country of Parmistan and compete in something called “The Game”. It’s basically an endurance/obstacle race in which the players are pursued by Parmistan warriors. All foreigners who enter Parmistan MUST play the Game. The winner of the Game is granted their life and one request. No foreigner has won the race in 900 years. Cabot’s SIA agent father (Lawson) took part in the Game and (supposedly) got killed by the pursuing warriors. The odds are definitely not in Jonathan’s favor.
The US government wants to place a Star Wars satellite station in Parmistan to monitor all the satellites around the world. It would serve as an early warning system in case of a nuclear attack. Guess what the SIA wants Jonathan to request if/when he wins the Game? As if this isn’t already enough to take in, there’s also some business about an attempted coup against the country’s leader, the Khan (Kartalian). The man behind the coup is none other than the Khan’s trusted right hand man Zamir (Norton, The Octagon). If no foreigner has survived the Game in 900 years, how does the SIA know all this? Simple, Princess Rubali (Agbayani) told them. She’s the Khan’s daughter and is trying to help her father keep his title and his life. Here’s another question. If Parmistan is so isolated and insular, how did she manage to get out and deliver all this valuable intel? The plot of Gymkata has more holes than a loaf of Swiss cheese.
Rubali and a few others help Jonathan train for the Game over the next two months. It’s the oddest training I’ve ever seen, it consists of Cabot listening to the sound of an axe whooshing through the air and learning to walk up a set of stairs on his hands. Whatever happened to “Wax on, wax off.”?
He completes his training and heads off to Parmistan with the princess. The only way to get into Parmistan is through the town of Karabal. While there, he gets attacked by anti-American terrorists who kidnap the princess. It’s a perfect opportunity for him to put his newly acquired fighting skills to use. In one of those coincidences that only happen in B-movies, the terrorists chase him into an alley where there just happens to be a bar (as in a parallel bar) between the two buildings. How convenient! Nimble Jonathan swings around this bar and kicks the crap out of the bad guys. He manages to rescue the princess and they proceed on their journey.
What does this have to do with the plot? Absolutely nothing! It’s an excuse for the filmmakers to throw in an action scene. It also shows what an adept action hero Jonathan has become over the past two months. By the way, have I mentioned that Cabot and the princess fell in love during that time? Yep, I’m afraid so. How predictable! Naturally, he learns she’s been promised to Zamir shortly after arriving in Parmistan.
By the time the Game begins, he has every reason to try and win. Zamir has every reason to make sure he loses. He also has his own reason for plotting an overthrow. It involves selling the satellite rights to the enemy (whoever the hell that is!). It’s a pretty brutal competition that involves the usual crap, climbing up steep cliffs and crossing a rope bridge while ninjas (I think) shoot arrows at the players. There’s one original obstacle though. The players have to make it across a village populated entirely by the criminally insane. I never would have thought that there would be so many insane people in such a small country. It’s a B-movie, so what the hell!
Now that you’ve read this synopsis, I’m sure you will agree Gymkata sounds perfectly ludicrous. It most certainly plays that way. I know I shouldn’t like this movie. It’s junk, pure junk. Everything about it has “BAD MOVIE” written all over it. Sorry not sorry, I just can’t help myself.
Gymkata is directed by Robert Clouse, the guy who first introduced Bruce Lee to American audiences with Enter the Dragon. There’s no denying the 1973 kung-fu actioner is a kick-ass classic. Clouse’s list of credits also includes Black Belt Jones (starring Jim Kelly), Game of Death (Bruce Lee in his final role), The Big Brawl (Jackie Chan) and China O’Brien (Cynthia Rothrock). He’s a pretty good director as far as action flicks go. In my opinion, he’s made a reasonably entertaining movie here. In fact, I would even say it’s a little more than reasonably entertaining. It’s downright fun!
I get a real kick out of the sloppy editing and stupid dialogue. My favorite line comes when a character says “Don’t worry, her mother is Indonesian” when assuring Jonathan that the princess can be trusted. Okay, I’m convinced. Most of all, I love how NOBODY in Parmistan (except the princess) looks even remotely Asian. The Khan looks like Albert Einstein, for Pete’s sake! Nobody in Gymkata can act, especially Tetchie Agbayani. She’s definitely attractive, but she has absolutely no talent. She reads her lines so flatly, I kept wondering if her character was supposed to be under a trance of some kind.
I didn’t get to see Gymkata at the movies. It didn’t open in any theaters that teenage Movie Guy 24/7 could get to easily. I often wonder how audiences reacted to this movie. It would have been interesting to watch this with an audience full of action fans. I rented it when it came out on video (around Thanksgiving weekend) and ended up watching it twice in the same day. I thought it was great. I still do. There’s something about cheesy action flicks from Cannon that makes me feel good. They’re like cinematic comfort food. They’re not good for your brain, but they’re so satisfying.
