The Glimmer Man (1996) Warner Bros./Action-Comedy RT: 91 minutes Rated R (language, strong violence, gruesome images, nudity) Director: John Gray Screenplay: Kevin Brodbin Music: Trevor Rabin Cinematography: Rick Rota Release date: October 4, 1996 (US) Cast: Steven Seagal, Keenan Ivory Wayans, Brian Cox, Bob Gunton, John M. Jackson, Michelle Johnson, Stephen Tobolowsky, Peter Jason, Ryan Cutrona, Richard Gant, Johnny Strong, Robert Mailhouse, Jesse Stock, Alexa Vega, Nikki Cox, Wendy Robie. Box Office: $20.3M (US)
Rating: *
Some movies start out good and lose their way. Others have no idea where they’re going from the start. The Glimmer Man is a perfect example of the latter. Within the first ten minutes, it presents itself as both a gruesome serial killer thriller in the vein of Se7en AND a buddy cop action-comedy a la Lethal Weapon. The mismatched pair of cops in question consists of Steven Seagal (Under Siege) and Keenan Ivory Wayans (I’m Gonna Git You Sucka). Wait, there’s more. The nonsensical plot comes to include the CIA, Russian mobsters, chemical weapons smuggling and Seagal’s character being framed for the murder of his ex-wife. There’s also mention of Serbian terrorists at one point, but it never comes to fruition. Good, The Glimmer Man is confused enough as it is.
A serial killer dubbed “The Family Man” is terrorizing L.A. with his ritualistic killings of couples. The detective working the case, tough no-BS Jim Campbell (Wayans), is partnered with Jack Cole (Seagal), a new transfer from New York. Cole gives new meaning to the term “quirky”. He’s a Buddhist who wears peace beads, relies on holistic medicines and believes in non-violence. That is, until he’s called upon to soundly thrash gangs of scumbags. For a while, they investigate the religious-themed murders. Then things take a sudden left turn. The serial killer angle is resolved in favor of a larger plot involving a shady businessman (Gunton, The Shawshank Redemption) and CIA guy “Mr. Smith” (Cox, Manhunter). Oh, did I forget to mention Cole used to be with the CIA?
Warner declined to screen The Glimmer Man in advance, NEVER a good sign. They also did some post-production tampering. The result is a mess almost as hot as On Deadly Ground. The one thing The Glimmer Man has going for it is that Seagal didn’t direct it. The culprit is John Gray as also directed the inconsequential “boy and his gorilla” comedy-adventure Born to Be Wild the year before. In his defense, how The Glimmer Man turned out isn’t entirely his fault. Like I said, the studio had at it in the editing room before they released it. They wanted it to be more like a regular Seagal movie. It didn’t quite work. In their defense, it was doomed from the beginning. Seagal and intentional comedy go together about as well as peanut butter and pickle relish.
Seagal is a good action star; Wayans is a funny guy. Each on their own is fine; together, not so much. The pairing is uninspired; their playful banter feels forced. Seagal falls flat on his ass when he tries to be funny on purpose. When he shifts into kick-ass mode, he’s slightly tarnished gold. He was starting to put on weight, so the makers had to perform a little magic in the editing room to make it look like he could still move like he did 50 pounds ago. Even so, it’s still cool to see him in action. Wayans, who appears to be on autopilot here, is around to provide wise cracks as needed. His side remarks are amusing at best. To his credit, he’s not a bad action star. He proved it two years earlier in A Low Down Dirty Shame.
As for the villains in The Glimmer Man, none of them leave an impression like Henry Silva, Tommy Lee Jones or Eric Bogosian. Gunton and Cox are more character types- evil wealthy guy and evil CIA guy- than characters. They’re as generic as bad guys come. They could have just phoned it in for all the life they put into their performances. The one the screenplay short-changes the most is Michelle Johnson (Blame It on Rio) as Cole’s current wife. She gets one scene with dialogue, that’s it. We’re talking zero development as a character.
In its defense, I will say this for The Glimmer Man. It does have a few decent action scenes. There’s this one scene where Seagal beats up about a half-dozen hoods in an Italian restaurant. In the process, he just about demolishes the place. Of course, it totally goes against his character’s policy of non-violence, one that he reveals to his partner when they’re face-to-face with gun-toting Russian gangsters. Then he beats the hell out of all of them anyway. Is this a Zen riddle of some kind?
I suppose it’s not entirely fair to beat up on The Glimmer Man. The truth is as bad a movie it is, it’s not a complete s*** show like Seagal’s straight-to-DVD actioners. It’s only marginally worse than On Deadly Ground and only because it isn’t as funny as the notorious 1994 stink bomb. At least it had some idea of what it wanted to be even if it failed spectacularly. The Glimmer Man is a schizophrenic affair. It veers from comedy to action to thriller, often in the same scene. It’s disorienting to say the least. It’s hard to laugh at a movie that shows bloody images of murder victims crucified to walls. There’s an uncomfortable running gag about Wayans’ character using powdered deer penis as a cure for his allergies. At times, Gray tries to recreate the rainy atmosphere of Se7en to zero effect. It only illustrates what’s wrong with The Glimmer Man.
As for the confused plot, it’s really of no consequence. By the time you finally sort out what’s going on in The Glimmer Man, it doesn’t matter because the whole thing is so stupid you just want it to be over. For all its busyness, The Glimmer Man is one of the most half-assed action flicks of the 90s. It does accomplish one thing though. The narrative goes all over the place and ends up nowhere. That has to defy one or several scientific laws.
