Universal Soldier: The Return (1999) TriStar/Action-Sci-Fi RT: 83 minutes Rated R (nonstop strong violence, language, nudity) Director: Mic Rodgers Screenplay: William Malone and John Fasano Music: Don Davis Cinematography: Mike Benson Release date: August 20, 1999 (US) Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Michael Jai White, Heidi Schanz, Xander Berkeley, Justin Lazard, Kiana Tom, Daniel von Bargen, James Black, Karis Paige Bryant, Bill Goldberg, Brent Anderson, Brent Hinkley. Box Office: $10.6M (US)
Rating: ** ½
One of the rules I try to live my life by is don’t make a simple thing complicated. I wish the guys behind the Universal Soldier movies followed that rule. Universal Soldier: The Return is a sequel to the 1992 sci-fi actioner starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren as two soldiers killed in action in Vietnam brought back to life by a secret government program. It’s the second theatrical film, but the fourth installment of the series. It was preceded by two made-for-cable TV movies in ’98. Their titles are immaterial since they’ve nothing to do with either theatrically released entry. I never bothered with them myself. I keep it simple by regarding Universal Soldier: The Return as the only true sequel to the original.
I pretty much knew what to expect from Universal Soldier: The Return when I went to see it opening day. It opened in late August and wasn’t screened in advance for critics or audiences. JCVD’s career was in a serious nosedive at the time with a string of box office disappointments like Street Fighter, Sudden Death, The Quest, Maximum Risk, Double Team and Knock Off. Also, Lundgren wasn’t on board for this one. I figured I was in for a rough 83 minutes with Universal Soldier: The Return. Much to my relief, it wasn’t as bad as all that.
Don’t misunderstand, Universal Soldier: The Return is as dumb an action picture as they come with a plot barely developed beyond the idea stage. It’s really a bunch of scenes of JCVD getting into fight after fight as he tries to prevent something very bad from happening. Since we last saw him, Luc Deveraux is a changed man in that he’s just a man now. He had whatever was done to him to make him a UniSol reversed. SAY WHAT?! How this process actually works makes even less sense now. In any event, Luc now acts as a consultant/trainer for the UniSol program which has gone digital as we head into the 21st century. They’re all connected to a sentient computer system named S.E.T.H. (Self-Evolving Thought Helix) through neural implants in their brains. They’re faster, stronger, smarter and more likely to f*** up than their predecessors. And f*** up they do.
It’s announced that the UniSol program is to be shut down due to governmental budget cuts. That right there might be the most unrealistic thing in Universal Soldier: The Return. Don’t they always go for health and education first when it comes to reducing spending? ANYWAY, SETH doesn’t take the news well. In fact, he takes it very badly. He strikes back by programming the UniSols to take over the facility and kill all the humans. He also makes the decision to transfer himself to an enhanced human body (White, Spawn). He needs an access code to deactivate a program that will shut SETH down in a matter of hours. The only one he can get it from is Luc who’s actively trying to put an end to the siege himself. The military, represented by General Radford (Bargen, The Postman), won’t be any help. They just want to blow the place up and be done with it. If there’s any collateral damage, so be it.
It’s never said how many years passed between the two movies, but Luc has a daughter Hilary (Bryant) who looks to be about ten if that helps. He’s a widowed dad doing the best he can to raise her on his own after the untimely death of his wife. Based on the evidence before me in Universal Soldier: The Return, I’d say that every day is Take Your Daughter to Work Day. It’s the only reasonable explanation as to why she’s there when the UniSol uprising goes down. In the fracas, little Hilary sustains a head injury and is taken to the hospital by Luc’s assistant Maggie (Tom, Cyber Bandits) to await life-saving surgery while her dad saves the world from SETH. Oh yeah, Luc is joined at the hip to another attractive female reporter (Schanz, The Truman Show) after a big story. What is it with this guy and good-looking women that snoop for a living?
Directed by stunt guy Mic Rodgers, Universal Soldier: The Return is simple-minded in both story and purpose. When you take away all the technological mumbo-jumbo, it’s basically a variation of Die Hard and redo of the first movie combined. The plot is merely connective tissue between scenes of JCVD showing off his true talent against larger opponents like the hulking UniSol (wrestler Goldberg) that has it out for Luc for some unknown reason. Of course, he’s bested by the star each time. Their encounters usually end with Goldberg saying “I hate that guy!” At least he shows some interest in what he’s doing. JCVD looks bored a lot of the time. What he delivers here is less a performance than an action star going through the motions.
While Dolph out of the picture, JCVD’s co-star and main opponent White steps in and does a pretty good job of it. He looks sufficiently menacing and puts up one hell of a fight. As you probably expect, the climax involves SETH holding Luc’s daughter captive as a means of luring him back to the facility for one last go-around. As the sidekick/love interest, Schanz is terrible. She appears to be attempting to copy Ally Walker’s character and performance from the first movie. She doesn’t come close. Besides Goldberg’ UniSol, the only other notable supporting player is Brent Hinkley (Ed Wood) playing a punk-haired computer hacker named Squid. He’s the one that provides a fresh body for SETH to transfer his consciousness into. Why he has a body on hand is anybody’s guess. I wish he had a few more scenes.
For all its many faults, Universal Soldier: The Return is still a reasonably entertaining action picture as long as you keep your expectations low. It has plenty of action and violence with all the gunplay, fights and explosions. Granted, it feels pretty stale. It isn’t anything we haven’t seen before. If you want to know the truth, Universal Soldier: The Return is more laughable than anything else. It’s completely ridiculous. It’s total rubbish. In order to get ANY enjoyment from it, it helps to know this going in. Well, it might help.
TRIVIA TIDBIT: Universal Soldier: The Return is the last of JCVD’s movies to get widely released in theaters (until The Expendables 2 in 2012). He moved on to the DTV market with titles like Replicant, The Order and Legionnaire.
