No Holds Barred (1989) New Line/Action-Comedy-Drama RT: 93 minutes Rated PG-13 (wrestling violence, crude remarks, brief language) Director: Thomas J. Wright Screenplay: Dennis Hackin Music: Jim Johnston Cinematography: Frank Beascoechea Release date: June 2, 1989 (US) Cast: Hulk Hogan, Kurt Fuller, Joan Severance, Tom “Tiny” Lister Jr., Mark Pellegrino, Bill Henderson, Charles Levin, David Paymer, Pat O’Bryan, Jesse Ventura, Gene Okerlund. Box Office: $16M (US)
Rating: ***
The sports action drama No Holds Barred is notable for being pro-wrestler Hulk Hogan’s first starring vehicle. In it, he plays pro-wrestler Rip Thomas, a nice guy called to the mat by an unscrupulous network president and his fighter, a vicious ex-con named Zeus (Lister, Extreme Prejudice). Hogan’s a great fighter and talented showman, there’s no question about it. But an actor? That’s a bit of an overreach for the big lug. Let me put it another way. The comedy in No Holds Barred comes from watching Hogan try to act outside the ring. Director Thomas J. Wright (Torchlight) allows his star the opportunity to do a love scene and a dramatic scene requiring him to cry. It remains one of the most unintentionally funny performances to date ranking right up there with Vanilla Ice in Cool as Ice and Steven Seagal in On Deadly Ground.
In order to boost ratings, World Television Network head Brell (Fuller, The Running Man) tries to entice Rip to come work for him, but the wrestler turns him down citing loyalty to his employers. When Brell insists, Rip roughs him up. Not one to take rejection lightly, Brell tries to have Rip assaulted only for the fighter to thoroughly thrash his attackers. Later, Brell comes up with the idea to start his own show, the no-rules competition Battle of the Tough Guys. The winner is Zeus, a convicted killer with an extremely limited vocabulary. Brell and Zeus publicly call out Rip, but he declines. They force his hand when Zeus puts Rip’s younger brother Randy (Pellegrino, Fatal Beauty) in the hospital. Out for revenge, Rip accepts their challenge to fight on live TV.
The love scene I mentioned earlier involves Samantha (Severance, See No Evil, Hear No Evil), the newest member of Rip’s team. She has a ton of promotional ideas, but he’s only interested in making goo-goo eyes at her. You know they’re meant to be together when they get stuck sharing a bed in a hotel room. There’s a joke in here somewhere about Sam not taking it lying down, but I can’t think of it at the moment. ANYWAY, she’s the movie’s one and only plot twist. As a courtesy to those who haven’t seen No Holds Barred, I won’t reveal it but most will see it coming.
I think the reviews for No Holds Barred were overly harsh. One critic commented that it’s for “easily entertained 13-year-old boys”. Uh, who do you think watches wrestling? Doesn’t it make sense for the movie to be aimed at the same audience? Executive producers Hogan and promoter Vince McMahon aren’t going for the little old lady demographic with this one. There’s fight action every ten minutes or so. A lot of it is rough and/or exaggerated. The plot exists merely to tie the fight scenes into a cohesive whole and make it look like a real movie. It’s a silly story with cartoonish villains, but it works.
I will concede that No Holds Barred is weirdly uneven. Wright has trouble finding the right tone. It veers awkwardly between heartwarming drama and violent sports action. It’s easily one of the most brutal PG-13 movies I’ve ever seen. Professional wrestling is fake, we all know that, but the other stuff looks real and painful. The scenes of Samantha being physically attacked by Brell and his goons leave something of a sour taste. And Zeus, I promise you he starred in many little kids’ nightmares. That guy is a complete psychopath! This material overpowers the rest of No Holds Barred, especially the dramatic portion where Rip tries to help his injured brother regain the ability to move after being rendered paralyzed by Zeus. Why aren’t the police called? Because in reel life, it’s up to the hero to dole out justice not the proper authorities.
Hogan’s at his best when he’s in berserk mode. Look at the scene where he responds to an attempted kidnapping in a limo by beating the hell out of his assailants and tearing the car apart. He growls, leaps around and looks insane just like he does in the ring. One guy is so scared he has a BM in his pants- “Dookie?!” (actual quote by Hogan). Fuller plays it to the point of high camp as the villain too vile to be taken lightly and too cartoonish to be taken seriously. Lister simply goes scary-crazy as Zeus. Severance is okay as the love interest. At least she’s easy on the eyes.
The fighting is definitely the best part of No Holds Barred especially the climactic match where Rip and Zeus really go to town on each other. Of course, there has to be a kidnapping plot. How else is Brell supposed to make Rip throw the fight? Well, we all know how this will turn out, right?
In any event, I like No Holds Barred probably more than I should. It’s a ridiculous movie aimed at kids and wrestling fanatics of which I am neither. Still, I find it fun… and funny too. Hulk Hogan the actor, now that’s a laugh. Gee, I hope he doesn’t beat me down for saying this. Respect, big guy, respect.
