Sorority House Massacre (1986) Concorde/Horror RT: 74 minutes Rated R (violence, nudity, language) Director: Carol Frank Screenplay: Carol Frank Music: Michael Wetherwax Cinematography: Marc Reshovsky Release date: October 10, 1986 (US) Cast: Angela O’Neill, Wendy Martel, Pamela Ross, Nicole Rio, John C. Russell, Marcus Vaughter, Vinnie Bilancio, Joe Nassi, Mary Anne, Gillian Frank, Joseph Mansier, Axel Roberts, Fitzhough Huston. Box Office: N/A
Rating: *
Who’d have thought that a movie called Sorority House Massacre would suck? With a kick-ass title like that, it stands to reason the movie would kick ass too. That’s what’s known as naïve thinking. In my experience, cool sounding titles usually mean the movie sucks. Look no further than I Dismember Mama. Great title; lame movie. The same goes for Sorority House Massacre. It’s bad even by the low standards of the slasher genre.
It’s not that the title Sorority House Massacre is misleading; it’s not actually. It takes place in a sorority house and there is a massacre. This is where its biggest problem lies. It delivers what it promises in the title without living up to the promise of its title. Allow me to be more specific and direct. Where’s the bloodbath? Although it has a body count of nine (11 if you count a flashback scene), there is disappointingly little gore. Also, the killer’s preferred method of murder is stabbing his victims with a knife. That’s so boring! What’s great about the Friday the 13th movies is that the makers consistently came up with creative ways for Jason to kill his victims. It kept things interesting for 10 ½ movies. (Freddy vs. Jason counts as only half). There is no evidence of imagination, intelligence or originality in Sorority House Massacre. It seems to have been made for the sole purpose of parting fools from their money.
Writer-director Carol Frank appears to have assembled the plot from bits and pieces of the first two Halloween movies. The heroine Beth (O’Neill, Grandmother’s House) is the main target of escaped lunatic Robert Henkel (Russell) after he bolts from a mental hospital with alarming ease. Don’t these people believe in locked doors or security guards? He heads straight for the sorority house where Beth is spending the weekend with her friends Linda (Martel), Sara (Ross) and Tracy (Rio, The Zero Boys). Why, you ask, this particular sorority house? He used to live there with his family; that is, before he slaughtered them all. Well, all but one of his younger sisters. Take note of this important detail.
When Beth arrives at the sorority house, she’s not her usual self. The aunt that raised her from childhood recently died. When she’s not walking around looking all mopey, she’s having nightmares that involve dripping blood, creepy dolls and a man with a knife. Her friends try to help. One, a psychology major, tries dream analysis and hypnosis. HA! Some therapist she’ll make, assuming she survives the massacre, of course. How does she not see Beth and the killer share a psychic link? Did she not read the whole script?
Remember when I asked you to take note of the one sister that survived Henkel’s murder spree? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who that sister grew up to be. Hint, it’s the same one having nightmares about the incident. Beth not remembering her sorority house used to be her childhood home can be explained by traumatic memory repression. But isn’t it remarkable that she joined that particular sorority? Did I say remarkable? It should be contrived… or stupid. In any event, Henkel works his way through Beth’s friends and the guys that show up to keep them company, Andy (Vaughter, Nightmare Sisters), John (Bilancio) and Craig (Nassi), until it’s only them.
By way of showing evidence of Halloween I & II being the primary influences on Sorority House Massacre, let’s look at what Henkel does after he escapes from the hospital. First, he steals his weapon from a hardware store. Next, he steals a car, a station wagon no less, and drives a long distance to the scene of the horrific crime that got him put away in the first place. Does any of this sound familiar? Alright, what about this? Beth’s real name is Laura (she goes by her middle name). The heroine of the Halloween movie is named Laurie. Laura, Laurie; do you see it? Beth even has a friend named Linda (as in PJ Soles’ character in the first Halloween). The point of all this is simple; Sorority House Massacre is a Halloween rip-off minus the suspense and terror that defines the John Carpenter classic. It isn’t the slightest bit scary. The correct descriptive term here is indifferent.
It goes without saying that the acting in Sorority House Massacre is horrible. I know these slasher movies aren’t known for superior performances or talented actors. This one, Carol Frank’s one and only cinematic effort, upholds that tradition. This cast is especially bad. If you were to combine the acting credits of all the major players, it would just about fill a single resume page. Russell is particularly awful as the killer. He hasn’t a hint of acting ability. His killer has zero presence, an issue that can be partially attributed to a poorly written screenplay. The four female leads fare no better. Their characters are annoyingly dumb. At one point, while barricaded in a bedroom, one of them asks, “Is he still out there?” What do you think, sweetie? Psychos generally do not give up and walk away before their mission is completed. Frank not only saddles her cast with truly inane dialogue, she also forces the girls to wear some of the fugliest outfits I’ve seen outside an 80s-themed high school reunion.
It’s not even worth the effort to comment on the technical aspects of Sorority House Massacre. Why should I? Based on the evidence before me, the crew didn’t make an effort either. The movie is made with such utter and obvious indifference; it’s a miracle they even bothered reporting to the set each day. There’s no heart or soul. Frank’s direction, at best, is pedestrian and that’s being generous.
I’ll concede that I’ve seen much worse than Sorority House Massacre, but I’m still not willing to give it a pass. It all comes down to a complete absence of creativity; that and a severe shortage of the red stuff. As a scary movie, it’s pretty anemic. That’s too bad, I really do like the title.
