Angels Brigade (1979)    Arista Films/Action-Comedy    RT: 96 minutes    Rated PG (violence, drug material)    Director: Greydon Clark    Screenplay: Greydon Clark and Alvin L. Fast    Music: Gerald Lee    Cinematography: Dean Cundey    Release date: February 1979 (US)    Cast: Susan Kiger, Jacqulin Cole, Sylvia Anderson, Lieu Chinh, Noela Velasco, Robin Greer, Liza Greer, Jack Palance, Peter Lawford, Jim Backus, Neville Brand, Pat Buttram, Alan Hale, Arthur Godfrey, Darby Hinton, Mike Gugliotta, Cody Palance, Kenny Endoso.    Box Office: N/A

Rating: ** ½

 Is it possible Quentin Tarantino got his inspiration for “Fox Force Five”, the pilot that Uma Thurman’s character from Pulp Fiction talks about co-starring in, from Angels Brigade? I wouldn’t be surprised; the premises are too similar to ignore. It’s highly likely he’s seen it given his affinity for obscure B-movie titles. Also, is it just a coincidence that it was featured on an episode of MST3K in 1995, the year after Pulp Fiction came out? The evidence, albeit circumstantial, appears to support my hypothesis.

 I never heard of Angels Brigade until I found it on Tubi under the title Angels Revenge. It’s also known as Seven from Heaven which would explain why a big number 7 is sometimes used to transition from one scene to the next. When I saw it was directed by Greydon Clark, I knew I had to check it out. He’s to schlock what Bergman is to arthouse fare with titles like Black Shampoo, Satan’s Cheerleaders, Without Warning, Joysticks and The Forbidden Dance to his name. With a resume like that, Angels Brigade couldn’t possibly miss, right? Well, let’s just say it doesn’t quite hit the mark.

 While the ladies are the stars of the show, it’s their co-stars that get top billing. The supporting cast consists of has-been actors obviously looking to retain their SAG membership by accepting small roles in trashy B-movies like Angels Brigade. The line-up includes Jack Palance (Shane), Peter Lawford (card-carrying Rat Pack member), Neville Brand (Kansas City Confidential), Pat Buttram (Green Acres), Darby Hinton (Daniel Boone), TV entertainer Arthur Godfrey (as himself) and Gilligan’s Island co-stars Alan Hale and Jim Backus. Each actor gets a few minutes of screen time, after which they presumably collect their paychecks and go home.

 The plot centers on a group of female bad asses who band together to take down a drug ring. The effort is spearheaded by schoolteacher April (Cole, Satan’s Sadists) who approaches Las Vegas singer Michelle (Kiger, H.O.T.S.) with her plan of action after the entertainer’s little brother is beaten senseless by the pusher (Hinton) who got him hooked on dope. April figures Michelle’s up-and-coming celebrity status (she currently has a song on the pop charts) will make it easier to approach potential recruits. It’s twisted logic, but OK whatever. The other members of the team are movie stunt driver Terry (Anderson, Ebony, Ivory & Jade), martial artist Keiko (Chinh), model/ex-junkie Maria (Velasco), police woman Elaine (Robin Greer) and high school teen Trish (Liza Greer).

 The plan is to destroy the ranch where the drugs are processed before hitting the street. But first, the girls have some prep work to do. They need transportation. No problem. They buy a van (with cash!) and turn it into a supervan with a computer, gun turret, battering ram, bazooka and a ramp for the motorcycle stashed in the back. They’re also going to need guns and ammo. To acquire them, they hatch a plan to steal them from a fanatical right-wing organization led by Mr. Howell (aka “the millionaire!”) himself. Backus is NOT the most intimidating right-wing leader out there, but wait until you get a load of the guard with the Hitler moustache. If he had a German accent, he could be a cousin to bumbling Sgt. Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the matching outfits, skin-tight white jumpsuits. Now they’re ready for action!

 Lawford plays the head of the drug ring, a rich guy named Burke. He talks a lot about control, especially as it relates to his main guy’s (Palance) handing of the situation involving the ladies. Do you notice something peculiar about his performance, the slurred speech perhaps? That’s because Lawford was reportedly drunk the whole time he worked on Angels Brigade. Who came blame him? It’s a long way down from performing alongside Frank, Dino and Sammy Baby. It was so bad, he actually had to sit down for his character’s intro scene to keep from falling down. Palance, stone cold sober, isn’t even trying. He’s played a villain so many times, he can do it in his sleep which it looks like he’s doing here.

 Here’s a quick rundown of the rest of the has-been players. Brand plays Elaine’s sexist boss who makes no effort to hide his disapproval of “broads” on the force. Hale is Michelle’s manager. Buttram is the used car dealer who sells the girls their van. And Mr. Godfrey shows up backstage after Michelle’s final gig at a Vegas lounge to offer congratulations on her success as a singer. For the most part, their roles are walk-throughs. They show up, read their lines and that’s it. Great work if you can get it.

 If acting was in any way important, Angels Brigade would be in serious trouble. The lead actresses may be hot, but none of them can actually act. They’re what’s known in the industry as “eye candy”. None of them would go on to become superstars. It’s the only feature film credit for Chinh and Velasco. Anderson hasn’t acted since she appeared in an episode of The Fall Guy in ’82. The Greer sisters appeared together in a 1989 episode of Full House. Liza called it quits after that while Robin did small parts in TV shows and movies until ’93. Cole, married to Greydon in real life, continued to act sporadically until a few years before her death in 2003. Kiger, 1977 Playboy Playmate of the Year, last appeared in the 1982 horror movie Death Screams.

 There’s some fun to be had with Angels Brigade as long as you don’t set your sights too high. Don’t expect any of the cheap thrills normally associated with cheap exploitation movies. It’s rated PG which means there’s no bloody violence or gratuitous T&A. The big action scene at the drug processing plant has a lot of shooting and stuff blows up, yet nobody actually gets killed. In terms of content, it’s no worse than an episode of Charlie’s Angels. Also, Greydon really struggles with tone. He can’t seem to find the right balance of action and humor. As a result, Angels Brigade is too goofy to be taken seriously and too rough (at times) to be taken lightly.

 To its credit, Angels Brigade has a few decent action scenes. Sure, they’re a bit clumsy, but what do you want from a movie made on the cheap? This is the kind of movie you watch on a double bill with something better. It’s a half-decent time killer on a rainy weekend afternoon, but that’s about it.