Hudson Hawk (1991) TriStar/Action-Comedy RT: 100 minutes Rated R (language, violence, sexual innuendo) Director: Michael Lehmann Screenplay: Steven E. de Souza and Daniel Waters Music: Michael Kamen and Robert Kraft Cinematography: Dante Spinotti Release date: May 24, 1991 (US) Cast: Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie MacDowell, James Coburn, Richard E. Grant, Sandra Bernhard, Donald Burton, Don Harvey, David Caruso, Lorraine Toussaint, Andrew Bryniarski, Burtt Harris, Frank Stallone, Carmine Zozzara, Doug Martin, Steve Martin, Leonardo Cimino, Frank Welker (voice), William Conrad (narrator). Box Office: $17.2M (US)
Rating: *** ½
Like everybody else, I hated Hudson Hawk when it first came out. I saw it at a free advance screening and still felt ripped off. But I have this thing about notorious big budget fiascos like Heaven’s Gate, Ishtar, Cutthroat Island and Hudson Hawk. I feel compelled to rewatch them, sometimes multiple times. I think it was my third viewing that made me a fan. It was then I realized it was more like a bizarre live-action cartoon with all the goofball humor, OTT characters and slapstick violence. Now I think it’s great!
Directed by Michael Lehmann (Heathers), Hudson Hawk is a zany, convoluted comic caper with a plot that’s all over the map, both figuratively and literally. Bruce Willis (Die Hard) stars a master thief who’s forced by several different parties to steal priceless works of art by Leonardo da Vinci. Why? Complete world domination, of course.
After spending ten years in prison, all reformed cat burglar Eddie Hawkins (aka “Hudson Hawk”, nicknamed after the cold winds off the Hudson River) wants out of life is a cappuccino. Not as easy as it sounds since it’s 1991 and there wasn’t a Starbucks on every city block yet. It’s like the universe has conspired against Hawk starting with his parole officer (Harris, Q & A), who along with Mafia members Cesar (Stallone, Staying Alive) and Antony Mario (Zozzara)- the Mario Brothers, get it?- blackmail and threaten him into stealing a model of a horse sculpted by Da Vinci from an auction house. He and his partner, Tommy “Five-Tone” Messina (Aiello, Do the Right Thing), successfully pull off the job, but that’s not the end of it. Far from it, actually. There are others involved. Like a team of young CIA agents, all code-named after candy bars, led by George Kaplan (Coburn, Our Man Flint) and Vatican representative Anna (MacDowell, Four Weddings and a Funeral). Behind it all are Eurotrash supervillains Darwin (Grant, Withnail and I) and Minerva (Bernhard, The King of Comedy) Mayflower.
So what exactly is it that the Mayflowers want? How do they intend to achieve world domination? It’s quite simple, really. Each piece of art that Hawk steals for them- the horse, Da Vinci’s Codex and a scale model of a flying machine he designed- contains a piece of a crystal that activates a machine that turns lead into gold. With it, they hope to topple the world’s economy. Okay, whatever. This illustrates just how silly Hudson Hawk is.
I think the reason it bombed so badly at the box office is that action fans went in expecting something along the lines of Die Hard, not a Looney Tunes remake of To Catch a Thief. It’s a film that was ahead of its time. One point of contention and confusion regards Hawk and Tommy breaking into song while doing their break-ins. I heard so many people complain they didn’t understand this particular plot device. For their benefit, I will explain. It’s how they time their jobs. For whatever reason, they know the exact running times of several pop songs (e.g. “Swinging on a Star”, “Side by Side”). Whatever works, right? Plotwise, Hudson Hawk is a mess. It’s all over the damn place. A person could get dizzy trying to keep up with it. That’s part of the fun! Some call it confusing, I call it madcap.
I love this cast! Grant and Bernhard are great as the comically, cartoonishly evil supervillains. What most people don’t seem to get is that their characters demand the broad performances they deliver. Besides, how can you not like a pair of villains who employ the services of a butler (theater actor Burton) with blades up his sleeves? I’m telling you, this guy should get a job at Benihana. Willis, who shares all of his screen time with his ego, is actually pretty good. Here, he’s like a post-modern Cary Grant by way of Wile E. Coyote.
One of the things I like best about Hudson Hawk is the CIA team, especially Butterfinger played by fellow Philly guy Andrew Bryniarski (Leatherface in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake). The others are Snickers (Harvey, Die Hard 2), Kit Kat (Caruso, CSI: Miami) and Almond Joy (Toussaint, Dangerous Minds). They’re just funny. Here’s the thing, the whole cast looks like they’re having a blast. Why shouldn’t we as well?
Hudson Hawk is riotously funny at times. Willis has some great side remarks. MacDowell is charming as Willis’ potential love interest. Aiello is always great, he’s one of my favorite character actors. The movie has plenty of action too. I’m particularly fond of the sequence in which Hawk rides a runaway ambulance gurney on the Brooklyn Bridge. I understand why so many people dislike Hudson Hawk, but I don’t agree. It’s such a narrative mess and such an egregious waste of $65M that it surpasses bad and lands in the realm of the surreal. I mean that in the best possible way. In its own twisted way, Hudson Hawk is brilliant.
