Three Men and a Baby (1987)    Touchstone/Comedy-Drama    RT: 102 minutes    Rated PG (language, sexual references, drug material)    Director: Leonard Nimoy    Screenplay: Jim Cruickshank and James Orr    Music: Marvin Hamlisch    Cinematography: Adam Greenberg    Release date: November 25, 1987 (US)    Cast: Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, Margaret Colin, Celeste Holm, Nancy Travis, Lisa and Michelle Blair, Philip Bosco, Paul Guilfoyle, Earl Hindman, Cynthia Harris, Derek de Lint, John Gould Rubin.    Box Office: $167.7M (US)

Rating: *** ½

 American remakes of French comedies are always hit-or-miss. They’ll either be horrible (e.g. Pure Luck, Father’s Day) or great (e.g. The Woman in Red, The Birdcage). Three Men and a Baby definitely belongs in the latter category. A re-deux of Trois Hommes et un Couffin (Three Men and a Cradle), it stays pretty faithful to Coline Serreau’s comedy about three swinging bachelors and the baby that changes their lives forever. I saw this version a long time ago on cable and don’t remember a lot about it. The American version, on the other hand, I’ve seen multiple times. It’s just as enjoyable now as it was when I first saw it in December ’87. That’s right, I didn’t see Three Men and a Baby on opening day. Call it temporary insanity, but I opted to see Teen Wolf Too that day. It’s a decision I regret to this day.

 The three men at the center of Three Men and a Baby are architect Peter (Selleck, Magnum PI), cartoonist Michael (Guttenberg, Police Academy 1-4) and actor Jack (Danson, Cheers). They share an apartment in NYC where they see more than their fair share of action- i.e. women and parties. That all changes with the arrival of a baby… at their front door. She’s Jack’s daughter, the result of a tryst the year before with an actress named Sylvia (Travis, So I Married an Axe Murderer). Peter and Michael are understandably perplexed. Jack told them a package would be delivered to the apartment for a friend of his and they should just put it aside until somebody comes to pick it up. He’s off in Turkey shooting a movie when baby Mary arrives leaving his two clueless roommates to care for her.

 Naturally, Peter and Michael think Mary is the “package”, but she obviously isn’t. The real package arrives just moments after Mary. In all the confusion, they throw it aside and forget about it until they hand the baby off to two drug dealers, Vince (Guilfoyle, Howard the Duck) and Satch (Hindman, Home Improvement). It turns out the actual package contains bags of heroin. The guys realize their mistake and retrieve Mary, but now they’re persons of interest to narcotics detective Sgt. Melkowitz (Bosco, The Dream Team).

 All of this goes down before Jack returns home. Naturally, he’s shocked to learn he’s a daddy. Although his two friends initially leave him to figure out the art of caring for a baby on his own, they eventually become a paternal unit. Then Sylvia shows up at the door asking for her baby back.

 I don’t have any major criticisms of Three Men and a Baby. I think it’s a delightful film when it sticks to the main plot. It’s an ideal situation to mine for laughs. There are so many comic possibilities in three single men taking care of a baby. Take the scene where Selleck’s character goes to the market to buy a jar of baby food for their unexpected guest. He quickly learns it’s not that simple, especially since he doesn’t know how old the baby is. He ends up going to several stores and buying a ton of stuff- e.g. formula, nipples, bottles and diapers in different sizes. It leads to a hilarious scene of Peter and Michael attempting to change a diaper. They have no idea what they’re doing, of course. It may be a familiar situation, but director Leonard Nimoy makes it work. Yes, that Leonard Nimoy, Mr. Spock himself. It turns out the Vulcan has a gift for comedy and sweetness.

 I’ll concede that the drug subplot is an uneasy fit, but it doesn’t ruin the movie. What I mean to say is I don’t mind it myself, but I can see where other viewers would be put off by it. It’s a little jarring when action movie motifs turn up in a cute, heartwarming comedy. But like I said, it doesn’t hurt Three Men and a Baby too badly. All it does is distract from the main plot for a bit. Thankfully, it doesn’t figure into the movie’s climactic scene of the guys racing to the airport to stop Sylvia from leaving with Mary. I know, a mad dash to an airport is one of the biggest movie clichés ever. So what? Nimoy makes it work too.

 Selleck, Guttenberg and Danson all do a terrific job in Three Men and a Baby. Their comic performances as they fumble and stumble through a crash course in baby-rearing are brilliant. The love they develop for Mary is sweet and touching. Veteran actress Celeste Holm (All About Eve) has a great scene as Danson’s mother who refuses to take Mary off his hands; it’s time he learned to be a responsible adult. Really, the entire cast does a fine job.

 The bottom line is this: Three Men and a Baby is genuinely funny. It’s also sweet and good-hearted. Today, it’s an oasis in a desert of crude, mean-spirited comedies. A remake starring Zac Efron (Neighbors 1 & 2) is reportedly in the works. I’m afraid to think what the makers might do to it. Thank you, but I’ll stick with the one from ’87. It’s nice and I like it that way.