Violent Night (2022) Universal/Action-Comedy RT: 112 minutes Rated R (strong bloody violence, language throughout, some sexual references) Director: Tommy Wirkola Screenplay: Pat Casey and Josh Miller Music: Dominic Lewis Cinematography: Matthew Weston Release date: December 2, 2022 (US) Cast: David Harbour, John Leguizamo, Leah Brady, Alex Hassell, Alexis Louder, Cam Gigandet, Edi Patterson, Alexander Elliot, Beverly D’Angelo, Brendan Fletcher, Andre Eriksen, Mitra Suri, Mike Dopud, Stephanie Sy, Can Aydin, Phong Giang. Box Office: $50.1M (US)/$76.6M (World)
Rating: ****
I have a list of Christmas movies that I watch every year during the holiday season. It includes traditional favorites like A Christmas Story, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, The Polar Express and Die Hard (yes, it IS a Christmas movie!). And before you ask, I do NOT watch It’s a Wonderful Life, a movie I personally can’t stand. My list also includes twisted titles like Black Christmas (both 1974 and 2006), Silent Night, Deadly Night, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Bad Santa. That’s where I’m going to put Violent Night, a wild sleigh ride of a Christmas movie that reimagines Santa Claus as the North Pole version of John McClane.
Director Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow) plucks elements from some of my faves and ties them together to create something both magical and messy. Let’s run down the list quickly. It’s clearly a homage to Die Hard with not-so-jolly St. Nick (Harbour, Stranger Things) single-handedly taking on a group of bad guys armed with automatic weapons. The child setting booby traps for the baddies is right out of Home Alone. The dysfunctional family, that’s from The Ref. As for its take on Papa Noel, it brings to mind Billy Bob Thornton’s cranky, foul-mouthed, drunken mall Santa in Bad Santa. The mere presence of Beverly D’Angelo, as crude family matriarch Gertrude, will remind you of Christmas Vacation. Throw in a lot of brutal, gratuitous and darkly funny violence and you have a new Christmas classic.
The story begins on Christmas Eve with Santa drowning his sorrows in an English pub. He laments to the lady barkeep and a fake Santa how things have changed since he first donned the red suit (approximately 1100 years ago). Kids have become increasingly materialistic and ungrateful. He’s seriously thinking about hanging it up after this run. He then heads for the roof where the barkeep watches in astonishment as he rides away on his reindeer-drawn sleigh. In lieu of a tip, he pukes all over her from his airborne conveyance.
The action unfolds in the Lightstone mansion where Gertrude’s offspring and their families have gathered to celebrate (if you can call it that) Christmas. Son Jason (Hassell, The Tragedy of Macbeth) arrives with his young daughter Trudy (Brady, Erin’s Guide to Kissing Girls) and estranged wife Linda (Louder, Copshop). His alcoholic sister Alva (Patterson, Vice Principals) is already there with wannabe movie star husband Morgan (Gigandet, Ice) and obnoxious teenage son Bert (Elliot, The Hardy Boys) from her first marriage. With the exception of Trudy, a sweet little girl who still believes in Santa, they’re all horrible. Gold-digging bitch Alva takes sibling rivalry to a new level with her treatment of Jason, a spineless sort unable/unwilling to break free of his domineering mother. Morgan is a conceited d-bag who thinks a pitch for a proposed starring vehicle is the perfect gift. Bert, a social media influencer, is a disrespectful little s*** desperately in need of a hard kick in the keister. Taking it all in, I’d say Trudy is the only one who won’t be getting coal in her stocking.
Santa is at the Lightstone home availing himself of amenities like vintage booze and the massage chair when the reindeer s*** hits the fan. A well-organized team of thieves, posing as caterers and led by “Mr. Scrooge” (Leguizamo, John Wick), make their presence known. They call each other by season-appropriate code names like Gingerbread, Candy Cane, Sugarplum and Krampus. They take everybody hostage with the intention of absconding with the $300M reportedly stashed in the stately mansion’s supposedly impenetrable vault. At first, Santa tries to get out of Dodge, but changes his mind when Trudy (via a “magical walkie-talkie”) asks him to save her and the others. That’s when Santa shifts into action hero mode and starts offing the villains in rather creative ways. Who knew Kris Kringle was such a bad ass?
Violent Night, written by Pat Casey and Josh Miller, more than lives up to its title. Its R rating is well earned. It has some great bloody kill scenes. Besides the numerous creeps that meet their demise at the business end of a sledge hammer (lots of splat and splatter!), victims of Santa’s wrath get stabbed and slashed with icicles, candy canes and ice skates. One guy is decapitated. Another is impaled on a giant icicle lawn ornament. A few henchmen go through the blades of a wood chipper. A baddie is mangled beyond recognition when Santa forcefully takes him up a chimney. Then there’s my favorite kill. Santa stabs a guy in the eye with a pointy star-shaped ornament then plugs it in setting his head on fire. We mustn’t forget the two baddies that fall victim to Trudy’s traps, a skill she learned watching Home Alone the night before. The traps involve bowling balls, glue and a strategically placed nail on the ladder leading to her hiding spot in the attic. This proves what I said about the Home Alone movies being educational.
I probably shouldn’t award Violent Night my highest rating, but I can’t help it. I LOVED IT! It brought out my inner teenage psychopath, the Movie Guy who laughed whenever Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Norris and Bronson killed a scumbag or ten. Not only does it have plenty of action and graphic violence, it’s also funny as hell. Harbour, absolutely brilliant as the baddest Santa of all, gets off some great one-liners- e.g. “Time for some seasons beatings.” Leguizamo, humorously hateful as the main villain, gets off a few good ones too- e.g. “Bah humbug, mother f***er!” and “Christmas dies tonight!” And I almost died when D’Angelo refers to her son-in-law as “Jean-Claude Van Dip S***“. Wirkola obviously loves 80s and 90s action flicks.
Violent Night is great fun! It goes down like a cup of warm cocoa with little marshmallows. Granted, it’s not for everybody (ESPECIALLY CHILDREN!), but if your sensibility is as warped as mine, yule love it.
