Hospital Massacre [aka X-Ray] (1982) Cannon/Horror RT: 89 minutes Rated R (language, violence, gore, nudity) Director: Boaz Davidson Screenplay: Marc Behm Music: Arlon Ober Cinematography: Nicholas Josef von Sternberg Release date: April 1982 (US) Cast: Barbi Benton, Charles Lucia, Jon Van Ness, John Warner Williams, Den Surles, Gloria Jean Morrison, Karen Smith, Michael Frost, Jimmy Stathis, Lanny Duncan, Marian Beeler, Elly Wold, Jonathon Moore, Gay Austin, Bill Errigo, Beverly Hart, Ann Charlotte Lindgren, Judith Baldwin, Tammy Simpson, Elizabeth Hoy, Michael Romano, Billy Jacoby, Don Grenough. Box Office: N/A
Rating: ** ½
I always feel like I’ve unearthed buried treasure when I come across an 80s slasher flick I’ve never seen. There always exists the possibility of a complete and total bloodbath.
I’ve known about Hospital Massacre for years, but it was my recent viewing of the excellent documentary Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films that finally prompted me to sit down and watch it. That’s right, it’s a Golan-Globus production. Also, it’s directed by Boaz Davidson, a name very familiar to Cannon fans with cool titles like The Last American Virgin (1982) and Salsa (1988) to his credit. It stars model-turned-actress Barbi Benton (Deathstalker) as a young woman being stalked by a crazed killer in a hospital. With a pedigree like that, as well as a promising title like Hospital Massacre, how could it possibly suck? It doesn’t, not really. But it’s not all that great either. It has some serious screenplay issues, like its near total absence of a plot, but I’ll get back to that in a bit.
Our story begins in 1961 with young Susan receiving a Valentine’s Day card from an unpopular weird kid. She and her friend David laugh and crumple it up, prompting the other boy to retaliate by hanging David from a hatstand. This scene marks a reunion of Bloody Birthday co-stars Elizabeth Hoy (as Susan) and Billy Jacoby (as the weird kid).
The story jumps ahead nineteen years where we find Susan (Benton) arguing with her ex-husband (Frost) about their young daughter Eva (Simpson). She then has her new boyfriend Jack (Ness) drive her to the hospital to pick up test results. Somebody wearing a surgical mask is waiting for her. This person has it out for Susan. His sick games begin with killing Susan’s doctor and tampering with her test results. The new results indicate something is wrong, seriously wrong. Another doctor (Williams) orders her to remain in the hospital so they can run additional tests. Meanwhile, the masked killer carves his way through nurses, secretaries, janitors and doctors in order to get to Susan. That’s pretty much it.
There isn’t much more to Hospital Massacre than Susan being hunted by a psychopath is a hospital that appears to be staffed by psychos as well. How else explain the bizarre behavior displayed by this one doctor and a pair of nurses? Don’t even get me started on the trio of elderly women sharing a room with Susan. I didn’t mind the threadbare plot nearly as much as the huge narrative gap regarding the killer. There’s no question as to his identity, it’s the boy in the opening scene. If you pay attention, you won’t have a problem picking him out of all the characters in the rest of the movie. BUT what happened to him in the nineteen years in between? What were the consequences of him murdering the other boy? Did he spend that time in a mental institution? It’s never explained at all. It’s never even explained how he managed to heft the other boy onto the hatstand. It defies the laws of physics and common sense. Then again, if you’re looking for common sense, you’re watching the wrong kind of movie.
Contrary to its title, Hospital Massacre isn’t nearly the bloodbath one would hope for. It has a body count of 10. There are a few cool kill scenes: an axe to the head, a saw through the neck, a man has his face dunked in acid, strangulation by stethoscope and a decapitation. There’s some gore, but not as much as I’d have liked. What we do get from Hospital Massacre, however, is this weird vibe. The hospital feels like something out of a David Lynch movie. The killer plays mind games with Susan to the point where others see her as acting irrationally. Speaking of which, she isn’t portrayed as a particularly nice person. You almost feel as though she deserves what might be coming to her. Benton isn’t all that good an actress, but she’s HOT! Plus, Davidson (who does his usual good job as director) saw fit to put in a nude scene, so we get to see her breasts. Naked boobs always go over big with teens and dirty old men.
Hospital Massacre has more red herrings than the Philadelphia Fish Market, but they’re pretty much rendered moot since it’s fairly easy to identify the killer (just pay attention, you’ll get it). Despite its flaws, Hospital Massacre is a watchable slasher flick. It is what it is, an obvious knock-off of Halloween II (1981). But since it’s a Golan-Globus movie, I can overlook quite a bit and enjoy it at face value.
