Jack and Jill (2011) Columbia/Comedy RT: 91 minutes Rated PG (crude material including suggestive references, language, comic violence) Director: Dennis Dugan Screenplay: Steve Koren and Adam Sandler Music: Rupert Gregson-Williams and Waddy Wachtel Cinematography: Dean Cundey Release date: November 11, 2011 (US) Cast: Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes, Al Pacino, Elodie Tougne, Rohan Chand, Eugenio Derbez, David Spade, Nick Swardson, Tim Meadows, Allen Covert, Norm MacDonald, Geoff Pierson, Valerie Mahaffey, Gary Valentine, Dana Carvey, Regis Philbin. Box Office: $74.1M (US)/$149.6M (World)
Rating: *
In a perfect world, a few lines of Al Pacino’s dialogue in the perfectly painful comedy Jack and Jill would suffice as a review.
In regards to an extremely embarrassing commercial for Dunkin’ Donuts in which he took part, Al turns to advertising executive Jack Sadelstein (Sandler, Grown Ups) and says, “Burn this. This must never be seen. By anyone. All copies, destroy them!” I’m with him on this. Nobody should ever be forced to suffer the absolute indignity that is Jack and Jill.
In it, Sandler plays both title roles, twin siblings who couldn’t be more different. Jack is a successful Los Angeles ad executive with a nice home and happy family. Jill is jobless and lives alone in the Bronx house she and Jack grew up in. That’s right, you get twice as much Sandler here which isn’t a bargain at any price. It just makes Jack and Jill twice as annoying.
Jack is dreading Jill’s annual Thanksgiving visit. He can’t stand having her around. She’s loud, obnoxious, inconsiderate, crass and offensive. On top of that, he has to pick her up at the airport at 4am because she decides to take an earlier flight. It’s only the beginning of the most uncomfortable family reunion since the Corleones got together in The Godfather Part II (1974), one of the many titles Pacino self-references in his DD commercial. But I’m getting way ahead of myself here. Let me talk more about the “plot” of this alleged “comedy”.
After an incredibly uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinner during which Jill offends one of the guests, a homeless man (Covert, The Wedding Singer) brought by Jack’s in-laws, to the point where he walks out on a free meal, she informs her brother she plans to stay through Hanukkah. Naturally, he’s not pleased. It means eight crazy nights with his socially challenged sister. On the other hand, his wife Erin (Holmes, Go) and two young kids are psyched. They love Jill.
Oh, let’s talk about Jack’s two kids for a minute. They’re both weird. His daughter Sofia (Tougne) wears outfits identical to the ones worn by the doll she carries with her everywhere. His adopted Indian son Gary (Chand, Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle), for whatever reason, loves to tape various objects to his body. There’s no rhyme or reason to any of it, but I suppose that’s par for the course in a movie as misconceived as Jack and Jill.
Jack is experiencing professional woes as well. He’s trying to convince Pacino to appear in a DD commercial for a new product called “The Dunkaccino”. Who better to promote it, right? The actor is more interested in hooking up with Jill with whom he becomes smitten. The only way he’ll do the commercial is if Jack sets them up on a date. The problem is Jill isn’t the slightest bit interested in Al. She hasn’t even seen any of his movies. She has the hots for the family’s Mexican gardener Felipe (Derbez, How to Be a Latin Lover). It all leads to the inevitable scene of Jack going on a date with Pacino disguised as Jill. It’s not funny; it’s creepy, even for this already creepy movie. Worse yet, director Dennis Dugan (Grown Ups) prolongs it to the point of excruciating agony.
As you can see, there’s not much of a story to Jack and Jill. It’s basically a collection of unfunny gags and humiliating situations. Not even Pacino and his “little friend” could save this mess although it might liven things up a bit. Let’s talk about the Oscar-winning actor for a moment. What’s he doing here? Is he that hard up for money? Maybe he found the script amusing. If it was, it sure doesn’t show in the finished product.
Now because Al Pacino plays Al Pacino, it means he’s going to scream every line of his dialogue at the top of his lungs. If he’s anything like the way he portrays himself here, I’m surprised the men in white coats haven’t thrown a big net over him yet. He starts out by having a complete meltdown during a production of Richard III. He breaks character and yells at an audience member whose cell phone is ringing. He proceeds to further embarrass himself by relentlessly pursuing Jill despite her clear feelings (or lack thereof) for him. In essence, he becomes a creepy stalker who doesn’t understand the word “no”.
Oddly enough, Pacino isn’t the creepiest thing in Jack and Jill, not by a long shot. That dishonor goes to Jill who does one embarrassing thing after another. She’ll make you appreciate your idiot sibling even more. In addition to her numerous social faux pas, she expects Jack to do the things they used to do as children like lay down next to her in bed and communicate via their special “twin language”. He wants no part of any of it. Jill finds herself in one humiliating situation after another like a blind date at a restaurant that ends with her in tears when the guy (Macdonald, SNL) hides out in the men’s room until she leaves. An appearance on The Price Is Right results in her being conked on the head while spinning the wheel. The list goes on.
Sandler should never dress in drag again……ever! He makes a very homely woman. Jill is like the annoying younger sister of Linda Richman, the very Jewish host of Coffee Talk, a recurring sketch on SNL. I kept waiting for her to get “verklempt”. This is the worst role of Sandler’s career and yes, I’ve seen Going Overboard. He’s not much better as the put-upon brother. Jack is, for lack of a more succinct term, a total dick. He’s rude, arrogant, self-centered and not at all likable. As such, we feel no sympathy for his plight. Holmes is okay as the supportive wife Jack doesn’t deserve, but it would have been nice if her character got to do more in the movie.
Jack and Jill has an inordinately long list of celebrity cameos. Here’s a partial list of the famous people who show up at various points: Johnny Depp, Dana Carvey, John McEnroe, Shaquille O’Neal, Christie Brinkley, Regis Philbin, Bruce Jenner and Jared the Subway spokesperson before he became persona non gratta. However, none of them sink as low as David Spade who follows Sandler’s lead and appears in drag as a mean girl who mocks Jill one too many times. My question is this, was Rob Schneider too busy to put in his usual token appearance?
Jack and Jill opens and closes with interviews with real life twins, both fraternal (like Jack and Jill) and identical. It’s the best part of the movie. It’s the only good part. The rest of it runs the gamut from awful to cringe-worthy. It’s badly written, directed and acted. Not a single millisecond of it is even remotely amusing. It’s every bit as painful as dental work. The rap Pacino does for the DD commercial has to be seen to be believed. It’s right up there with the infamous Rob Lowe/Snow White number from the 1988 Oscars (handed out in ’89).
On second thought, don’t see it. It’ll just give you nightmares. This statement applies to Jack and Jill as a whole. There have been a lot of bad “comedies” starring SNL players; this is one of the absolute worst. One can only hope Jack and Jill falls down the hill right into the pit of oblivion and remains there. In Pacino’s own words, no one should ever see this.
