The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012) Kenn Viselman Presents/Comedy-Musical-Adventure RT: 88 minutes Rated G (nothing the least bit offensive) Director: Matthew Diamond Screenplay: Scott Stabile Music: Joseph Alfuso and Robert Rettberg Cinematography: Peter Klein Release date: August 29, 2012 (US) Cast: Toni Braxton, Cloris Leachman, Christopher Lloyd, Chazz Palminteri, Cary Elwes, Jaime Pressley, Kylie Dakota, Misty Miller (as Goobie), Stephanie Renz (as Zoozie), Malerie Grady (as Toofie), Maya Stange (as Windy Window), Nick Drago (as J. Edgar), Tara Los (as Schluufy), Randy Carfagno (as Ruffy). Box Office: $1M (US)
Rating: *
If I never see another Oogielove for as long as I live, it’ll still be too soon. Given its poor box office performance, it’s likely my wish will come true.
To say that The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure bombed at the box office is a gross understatement. It actually holds the record for having the lowest opening weekend box office take EVER for a movie opening in more than 2000 theaters (2160 to be exact) with a humiliating $443,901. If you do the math, that’s only $206 per theater. In other words, Oogieloves played mainly to empty houses. Personally, I don’t know a single person that saw this movie. No one that would ever admit it anyway. But is it really that bad? Honestly, I’m not sure what to say. It’s not meant for the eyes and ears of anyone over the age of 5. As somebody well past that age, I found it insufferable.
To me, it played like The Rocky Horror Picture Show reimagined (and cleaned up) by Sid and Marty Krofft with elements of Pee-wee’s Playhouse and the Teletubbies thrown in for good measure. You see, Oogieloves has a unique hook in that it encourages audience participation. At various times, the kiddies are invited to dance along with the three main characters. When you see butterflies flutter across the bottom of the screen, it’s time to get up and dance. When you see the turtles, it means it’s time to take your seat again. Sounds like fun, right? Not everybody would agree with that. Certainly not the kids that attended the prelease screening I read about somewhere. The promotions company handling the Saturday morning screening made sure the theater was filled with excited preschoolers (accompanied by less than excited parents, of course). They got up and danced to the first two or three numbers, but by the end, nobody was joining in. Now that’s what I call failed experimental cinema.
I’ll forgive you if you have no idea what an Oogielove is since they failed to catch on with the same kiddies that made superstars out of Teletubbies, Wiggles and Boohbah. I ask you, whatever happened to quality children’s shows like Sesame Street, Mister Rogers and The Electric Company? It’s a mystery yet to be solved. I assume it has something to do with the dumbing down of society.
Getting back to my original point, the Oogieloves are three children (adults in oversized costumes) who live in the idyllic town of Lovelyloveville. They are science whiz Goobie (the one with glasses), multilingual Zoozie (the girl) and fun-loving Toofie (the yellow-haired one). They live in a house with a talking window named Windy Window and a talking vacuum cleaner named J. Edgar. Think about it a moment. Get it? It’s the only remotely mature thing in this movie. It’s a very special day; they’re throwing a surprise birthday party for their friend Schluufy, a talking pillow. You know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men? Apparently, it also applies to Oogieloves. On his way home, J. Edgar loses the five magical balloons they plan to give as a gift. Guess what? They also talk. Guess what else? They’re also the LAST five magical balloons in all of Lovelyloveville. Oh no, what will they ever do?
Now we find out why it’s called The Big Balloon Adventure. Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie set out on their tricycles, accompanied by their talking goldfish Ruffy, to retrieve the balloons before the party starts. It isn’t hard locating them since Windy is a magic window that shows exactly where each balloon landed. But in order to get that valuable info, everybody has to say the following magic phrase; “1-2-1-2-3 Windy Window what do you see? 1-2-1-2-3 Windy Window please show me.” The words appear on screen as a helpful aid to kids who probably can’t even read yet.
Their first stop is a tree with a giant teapot (a “treepot”!) inhabited by Dottie Rounder (Leachman) and her super-perky niece Jubilee Rounder (Dakota). Dottie is obsessed with all things round while Jubilee loves squares. They next go to Milky Marvin’s Milkshake Manor where they compete in a milkshake drinking contest overseen by proprietor Milky Marvin (Palminteri). His shakes come in any flavor including chocolate-pizza-macaroni-beet. Yuck! Then it’s off to an airplane hangar where they meet singer Rosalie Rosebud (Braxton). She loves roses and insists on being surrounded by them even though she’s allergic to them. She has their balloon and doesn’t want to give it up until they all sing a song together. Next, they go to see Bobby Wobbly (Elwes), a cowboy trucker that prefers to wobble rather than walk. Their balloon is caught on top of his 18-wheeler. Did I mention he delivers bubbles? Yes, bubbles. Finally, they meet Lola (Pressley) and Lero Sombrero (Lloyd), a tango dancing couple who live in a giant flying sombrero. Lero doesn’t talk, instead he communicates by playing the bongos.
My guess is that the minds that conceived Oogieloves raided the Krofft’s stash when they came up with it. Only under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs could somebody come up with something this bizarre. It’s very surreal, but also has an innocent quality to it. In my description of the plot, did you notice something missing? There’s no villain. Everybody in Oogieloves is happy and smiling all the time. Nobody even frowns in this movie. Everybody is just so gosh-darn nice. It’s for these reasons that Oogieloves avoids the dreaded “NO STARS!!!” rating. I’m giving it one star, but only because it’s a painful viewing experience for anybody beyond the Teletubbies stage.
The musical numbers are poorly staged. The songs are instantly forgettable; the dancing consists of little more than jumping around, waving your arms and moving your feet. Like Rocky Horror, there are call-back lines (sort of). There’s a running joke about Toofie’s pants falling down. Everytime it happens (and it’s quite a few times), the kids are expected to join the other two Oogieloves in shouting, “Goofy Toofie, pull up your pants!” What adult hasn’t wanted to yell that same thing at belt-adverse teenagers? There are other lines for the kids to recite, but I’m sure this is the one they’ll remember.
In its defense, Oogieloves is very colorful and vibrant. It’s energetic yet it’s still a nice choice for a bedtime movie when the kids just won’t settle down. It would be pointless to criticize the acting in Oogieloves. Instead, let’s imagine the actors’ reactions when the idea of being in the movie was first pitched to them.
Leachman: “You do know I’ve won eight Emmys and an Oscar, right?”
Elwes: “Does anybody remember I was in The Princess Bride?”
Lloyd: “Great Scott! I was in all three Back to the Future movies! Well, if I agree to do this, I don’t want any dialogue, okay?”
Palminteri: “Will I be playing a mobster?”
Braxton: “Sure, why not. Beats doing a reality show.”
All kidding aside, they’re good sports for agreeing to act like silly fools for the kids’ enjoyment. I’ll say this for Oogieloves, it’s in pretty good company. Like Mac and Me, Thomas the Magic Engine and Matilda (the 1978 version about the boxing kangaroo), it’s one of those kid’s movies that adults will watch incredulously. You can’t quite believe what you’re seeing, you cringe, you want to look away but can’t. At least it’s not utterly creepy like The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. My advice to grownups, smoke a joint before putting on the Oogieloves. Who knows, you might get up and dance along with your children. If you’re not into drugs, put it on and hope it will occupy your little ankle-biters long enough for you to finish the laundry and return a few long overdue e-mail and FaceBook messages.
I’d like to end this review with a story I heard from a theater manager in Indiana I was friends with on FaceBook. They got Oogieloves, but only showed it during the day. What’s the sense in having evening shows when they’re past the bedtimes of the intended audience? He told me almost nobody showed up to see it. One day, a lady brought her kindergarten age son to the first show (around 11am). They were the only ones there. About twenty minutes in, the lady approached him in the lobby with her kid in tow. She asked if they could go watch ParaNorman instead. Obviously, they weren’t satisfied. The boy added, “It’s for babies.” I think that says it all about The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure.
