H.O.T.S. (1979) The Great American Dream Machine Movie Company/Comedy RT: 98 minutes Rated R (language, nudity, sexual content, raunchy humor) Director: Gerald Seth Sindell Screenplay: Cheri Caffaro and Joan Buchanan Music: David Davis Cinematography: Harvey Genkins Release date: July 20, 1979 (US) Cast: Susan Kiger, Lisa London, Pamela Jean Bryant, Kimberly Cameron, Lindsay Bloom, K.C. Winkler, Sandy Johnson, Ken Olfson, Dick Bakalyan, Louis Guss, Mary Steelsmith, Angela Aames, Marjorie Andrade, Cece Bullard, Karen Smith, Robin Martin, Marilyn Rubin, Donald Petrie, Larry Gilman, Dan Reed, Danny Bonaduce, David Gibbs, Marvin Katzoff, Steve Bond, Talmadge Scott, Dorothy Meyer. Box Office: $1.4M (US)
Rating: ****
The acronym H.O.T.S. could stand for a few different things, but I prefer to think it stands for “Hold On To Sex. It’s the most fitting one for this raunchy 1979 college comedy featuring three Playboy Playmates- Susan Kiger (January 1977), Pamela Bryant (April 1978) and Sandy Johnson (June 1974)- and a former Miss USA- Lindsay Bloom (1972)- in prominent roles. That small amount of information on its own should give you a clear idea of what kind of movie H.O.T.S. is. If you still don’t know, think of the letters T and A. Get it, got it, good!
One of many cheap knock-offs that immediately followed Animal House, H.O.T.S. should be familiar to anybody- specifically, males- who came of age in the mid-80s. It played on Cinemax a lot in summer ’84. It was a late night staple. I watched it every time it was on. What else would you expect from a horny 16YO virgin with no social life? I thought it was hilarious then. I don’t know what it says about me that I still find it hilarious, but here we are. Besides, since when do I care about what others think of my taste in movies?
Set at fictional Fairenville University (aka F.U.), H.O.T.S. is another “slobs vs. snobs” college comedy, this time dealing with two rival sororities. Pi is the most exclusive sorority on campus meaning it’s full of stuck-up bitches like the president Melody Ragmore (Bloom, Cover Girl Models). They turn away pledges by the dozens because they don’t measure up to their too-high standards. Some of these girls actually (GASP!) work at jobs to put themselves through school. Perish the thought! It’s the reason Pi turns down Honey Shayne (Kiger, The Return), a nice girl unfairly ridiculed in public by Melody. Honey, along with fellow Pi rejects O’Hara (London, The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood), Teri (Bryant, Don’t Answer the Phone) and Sam (Cameron), decide to get even by forming their own sorority and stealing every man on campus. Hmmm, Honey, O’Hara, Teri and Sam. Do ya think? Speaking of acronyms, Melody tells her new pledges that Pi stands for Perfectly Ideal Girls. Sounds about right to me.
After fixing up a rundown old house and recruiting other Pi rejects, the girls of H.O.T.S. are ready to put Melody and her friends in their place. The usual hijinks ensue. Honey hooks up with Melody’s steady boyfriend Doug (Petrie, The Hearse). All the guys on campus, including campus stud Richie Walker (Bonaduce, The Partridge Family), college newspaper reporter Mad Dog (Gilman, The Yum Yum Girls), nerdy Big Boy (Katzoff, Hardbodies) and football star Macho Man (Gibbs), want to hang out with the H.O.T.S. It’s obviously the fun place to be. Melody and her two cohorts, Cynthia (Winkler, Night Shift) and Stephanie (Johnson, Halloween), do everything they can to sabotage their rivals. Honey and her friends aren’t the type of girls who give up without a fight. Thus, we witness a battle of wits and pranks that climaxes with a game of strip football between the two sororities.
No Animal House knock-off is complete without an uptight nemesis from the school’s administration. In this case, it’s Dean Larry Chase (Olfson, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo), a mean sort who would like nothing better than to shut down H.O.T.S. and put a stop to their fun.
The movie’s other highlights include a topless skydiver jumping from a hot air balloon, a wet T-shirt contest, a jock strap raid, a super successful kissing booth and an illegal moonshine still in the attic. Of course, they have a sassy black middle-aged house mother (Meyer, Roller Boogie). Their house mascot is a seal for Help Out The Seals. That’s what they tell the dean anyway. There’s even a bear running loose in the house. A subplot has two bumbling gangsters, Charles (Bakalyan, Chinatown) and Bugs Benny (Guss), trying to gain entry to the house in order to find the stolen loot their late partner hid there years earlier.
As you can see, H.O.T.S. is your typical late 70s college comedy. It has generous amounts of nudity and sexual humor. The two idiotic gangsters are a nice touch. There’s a scene where they try to infiltrate the sorority house disguised as a sales rep offering a free demonstration of a robot that does housework. Like all their schemes, it goes disastrously. It’s dumb but funny. H.O.T.S. has plenty of this sort of humor in addition to the R-rated T&A comedy material. At the same time, it’s a surprisingly pleasant and good-natured viewing experience.
There’s no point in talking about the performances in H.O.T.S. It’s probably the last thing that was on anybody’s mind during production. It contains all the usual character types found in college comedies. Nobody’s IQ is higher than it needs to be. The girls of H.O.T.S. are totally HOT! Even the heavyset girl Clutz (Steelsmith, Rabbit Test) looks good. Once they get their act together, they’re the most popular girls at good old F.U. It’s cool seeing Bonaduce between his child star and shock jock phases. His character becomes the butt of a joke involving a large dose of salt peter in a bowl of chili. If nothing else, H.O.T.S. is funny. As I’ve indicated throughout this review, the acronym H.O.T.S. is a running joke. In addition to what I already told you, it’s suggested that it might also stand for Hands Off Those Suckers and Hung Outrageously To Score.
H.O.T.S. is one of the better Animal House rip offs. Director Gerald Seth Sindell knows exactly what he’s going for and makes no apologies for it. I miss the days when teen T&A movies like H.O.T.S. came out on a regular basis. It’s always fun to watch one of these dirty-minded comedies from the late 70s and early 80s. Sure, they’re low-class, low-budget and lowbrow, but isn’t that kind of the point? In its defense, H.O.T.S. is consistent in always going for the cheap laughs. I don’t mind it in this case because it’s so good-natured about it. It isn’t mean-spirited at any point. That’s a quality sorely missing in too many of today’s so-called comedies. I’ll take H.O.T.S. over anything Judd Apatow has to offer any day.
