Jaws 3 (1983) Universal/Horror-Thriller RT: 99 minutes Rated PG (language, violence, gore, mild sexuality) Director: Joe Alves Screenplay: Carl Gottlieb and Richard Matheson Music: Alan Parker Cinematography: James A. Cortner Release date: June 22, 1983 (US) Cast: Dennis Quaid, Bess Armstrong, Simon MacCorkindale, Louis Gossett Jr., John Putch, Lea Thompson, P.H. Moriarty, Dan Blasko, Liz Morris, Dolores Starling. Box Office: $45.5M (US)/$87.9M (World)
Rating: *
The only reason the travesty of a sequel Jaws 3 (originally released as Jaws 3-D) ever happened was to exploit the brief resurgence of 3-D in the early 80s. If memory serves, the 3-D wasn’t too bad (at least for the time). Among other things, you get a severed hand, a bitten-off fish head, shark teeth, water and assorted other objects thrown in your face. It’s a damn shame the makers couldn’t have thrown in a decent script too. Since the studio (rightfully) assumed audiences for 3D movies cared more about effects than plot, a decent script wasn’t necessary. Did they ever consider the future audiences that would see their movies without the 3D? It doesn’t matter in this case. With or without it, Jaws 3 is a total piece of crap.
This time, the action is set at SeaWorld in Florida where entrepreneur Calvin Bouchard (Gossett, An Officer and a Gentleman) is preparing to unveil a new attraction, a bunch of underwater tunnels that allow the park’s guests to get a glimpse of underwater life. Mike Brody (Quaid, Breaking Away), eldest son of Sheriff Brody who apparently decided to retire from shark hunting after his two close encounters, works at the park with his girlfriend, senior marine biologist Kay (Armstrong, Jekyll and Hyde- Together Again). They can’t figure out why the star attractions, a pair of dolphins named Cindy and Sandy, are afraid to leave their pen.
Eventually, while attempting to locate the body of one of the park’s mechanics, they discover that a baby great white shark has entered the confines of the aquatic park. Bouchard’s friend, cocky hunter Phillip FitzRoyce (MacCorkindale, The Sword and the Sorcerer) thinks it would be awesome to hunt it down and kill it for a TV special. Kay argues that capturing it alive and keeping it in captivity would increase the park’s publicity and bring in more guests. Bouchard agrees with Kay and the baby shark is captured only to die during its first public performance. It isn’t long before the mother shark comes looking for her baby inside the park. Naturally, all hell breaks loose.
What’s wrong with Jaws 3? HA! Where should I start? The very fact that Mike Brody doesn’t protest Kay’s idea more aggressively is startling when you consider his traumatic childhood experiences with great whites. Even more astonishing is that he jumps into a water tank to help his girlfriend exercise the baby shark. Is it some new form of therapy designed to help him overcome his fear? He must have already made significant progress in that area given his chosen profession. His younger brother Sean (Putch, One Day at a Time), who now lives in Colorado, isn’t so over it apparently. This is all guess work since the screenplay, written by Carl Gottlieb (co-writer of Jaws 2) and Richard Matheson, doesn’t bother to address it.
Stupidity abounds in Jaws 3 as evidenced by scene after scene of characters showing absolutely no signs of intelligence. Once the mother shark arrives on the scene and begins terrorizing guests touring the new attraction, Bouchard wants to clear the park without a mass panic. There are a few ways to accomplish this and I’m sure NONE of them involve Mike hijacking and racing around in a vendor’s motorized cart yelling at people to get out. Of course, everybody panics. What did you think was going to happen, Brody?
For everything that’s going on here, Jaws 3 is one of the most boring thrillers I’ve ever seen. It’s directed by Joe Alves who designed Bruce the shark for the first movie. Let it serve as proof that Alves should stick to production design. Not a single trace of the suspense Spielberg generated in the first movie remains. The thrills are gone too. It’s slow-moving and unsightly. A lot of it, especially the climax, looks drab. What’s left is a hollow shell of a shark movie with terrible special effects. It contains one of the fakest looking sharks I’ve ever seen. Without the distraction of 3D, you notice how mechanically the mother shark swims. Observe how the tail moves (or doesn’t move) while it’s coming at you. Don’t go looking for a lot of gore either. After an early scene of a bitten-off arm floating off the screen, there’s no significant bloodshed.
I’ll bet you’re wondering why I gave Jaws 3 a one-star rating instead of the “NO STARS!!!” rating it deserves. That’s because in the midst of all the boredom and dreck, there’s a young fresh-faced actress named Lea Thompson in her very first movie role. This girl has an appealing personality and a perky spirit. I knew right there and then this is an actress with a future. Was I wrong? No, not at all. Thankfully, she went onto better things. Check out her filmography on IMDb.
Thompson’s presence still doesn’t make Jaws 3 worth watching. It doesn’t matter if you see it in 3D or 2D, there’s no reason to sit through it in any D. Even among sequels, this one is terrible. Aside from Thompson, the performances range from lazy to rotten. What the hell was Gossett thinking when he signed on? He’s better than this as evidenced by his Oscar win for An Officer and a Gentleman earlier that year. It must have been a paycheck movie. Quaid, already an accomplished actor, simply looks bored. The same goes for his co-stars. MacCorkindale misses a golden opportunity to ham it up as an egotistical game hunter with more balls than brains. The cast’s ennui washes over the audience like the water that nearly drowns everybody in the explosive climax.
I couldn’t wait for Jaws 3 to finally be over. It’s only fitting that the survivors find themselves in deep water at the end since the movie is a complete wash-out. It’s not even clear who does and does not make it to the end. By that point, it’s doubtful you’ll even care. You’ll just be relieved it’s over. Oh, by the way, for those who care, the two dolphins do survive.
