The Manitou (1978)    AVCO Embassy/Horror    RT: 104 minutes    Rated PG (violence, language)    Director: William Girdler    Screenplay: William Girdler, Jon Cedar and Thomas Pope    Music: Lalo Schifrin    Cinematography: Michel Hugo    Release date: April 28, 1978 (US)    Cast: Tony Curtis, Michael Ansara, Susan Strasberg, Stella Stevens, Jon Cedar, Ann Sothern, Burgess Meredith, Paul Mantee, Jeanette Nolan, Lurene Tuttle, Hugh Corcoran, Anne Newman-Mantee, Jan Heininger, Michael Laren, Tenaya.    Box Office: N/A

Rating: *

 The Manitou is easily one of the stupidest movies I’ve ever seen. Whoever came up with the idea for this supposedly fact-based movie must have been chewing on peyote. I’m not going to say it has to be seen to be believed because I don’t want to sound like I’m actually recommending it. On the other hand, you may not believe the plot synopsis when you read it. This one is really out there even for a goofy late 70s horror flick. I’m going to go ahead with my review of The Manitou and let you decide for yourself afterwards whether or not you want to invest 104 minutes of your life.

 Poor Tony Curtis, he was dealing with personal problems- i.e. alcoholism and drug addiction- at the time he made The Manitou. Watching him in it, it’s hard to believe he was once a big-time movie star with titles like Sweet Smell of Success, The Defiant Ones, Some Like It Hot and Spartacus to his credit. By the late 70s, he was reduced to taking roles in garbage like Sextette, The Bad News Bears Go to Japan and The Manitou. I suppose it’s a testament to his acting abilities that he was able to deliver his lines with a straight face. To his credit, Curtis appears to know he’s starring in garbage yet still plays his part semi-seriously. There’s no hint of irony in his performance, but it’s neither lazy nor indifferent either. It is, however, abundantly clear he knows how dumb it all is.

 And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the synopsis of the plot. Warning, once you read it, there’s no going back. You’ll never get those IQ points back. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Doctors have discovered what they initially believe to be a tumor growing (somewhat rapidly) on the back of Karen’s (Strasberg, Bloody Birthday) neck. Upon closer examination, they’re shocked to discover what looks like a human fetus inside. It has to be surgically removed, no question about it. That’s easier said than done. Both attempts to remove it end badly. The first time, the surgeon turns the scalpel on himself. The second time, the laser goes berserk and destroys the OR. Something weird is definitely going on but what?

 Karen calls her ex-boyfriend Harry (Curtis) for emotional support when the tumor is first discovered. Harry is one of those fake psychics/tarot card readers who get by on bilking old ladies out of their money. It’s he who comes to the conclusion that something supernatural is happening. This is, of course, after one of his clients begins acting strangely during a reading and throws herself down a flight of stairs. His subsequent investigation, which includes a séance, reveals that the fetus is the reincarnation of a 400YO Native American medicine man seeking revenge on the white man for the usual reasons- i.e. stealing their land and exterminating their people. Apparently, it takes a medicine man to defeat a medicine man so Harry goes to John Singing Rock (Ansara, Guns of the Magnificent Seven) for help in putting a stop to the evil before it’s unleashed.

 In Indian mythology, a “manitou” is a soul or spirit. In The Manitou, it’s an immortal spirit capable of being reborn at any time. It’s said that everything made by man, in addition to all living beings, has a manitou. Because of this, the evil medicine man is able to control things like guns, lasers and surgical tools. This doesn’t just strain credulity, it shatters it completely. The other thing I wanted to explain is the so-called factual basis for The Manitou. The end titles cite a 1969 case in which a 15YO boy in Japan had a growth that turned out to be a fetus. I can’t find anything on this so I can’t attest to its veracity. Of course, I don’t have access to the National Enquirer archives so I really have no way of knowing.

 I’ll say this in defense of The Manitou; I’d rather watch a laughable horror movie than a boring one. It drags sometimes, but always manages to keep viewers interested in what it will do next. It really hits its stride in the final act with Misquamacus (the evil medicine man’s name) turning an entire hospital floor into a freezer replete with big icicles hanging from the ceiling. And if that doesn’t blow your mind, the finale takes place in outer space (don’t ask, just watch). Horror movies don’t get more ridiculous than this.

 There’s a note of sadness attached to The Manitou. Director William Girdler died in a helicopter crash a few months before it came out. In his short and not-exactly-esteemed career, he gave us titles like Three on a Meathook, Abby (the blaxploitation Exorcist clone), Grizzly and Day of the Animals. I wouldn’t say he went out on a high note with The Manitou, but it’s certainly one that’s not likely to be forgotten by fans of 70s trash cinema.

 While I would definitely say The Manitou is a bad movie, I wouldn’t call it unwatchable. It’s fun for all the wrong reasons. The warped side of me loves the scene of the old lady hurling herself down the steps. It’s hard to believe Girdler managed to convince respected actors like Curtis, Strasberg, Stella Stevens (The Poseidon Adventure), Burgess Meredith (Rocky), Ann Sothern (A Letter to Three Wives) and Jeanette Nolan (The Big Heat) to appear in this mess. You should hear some of the dialogue they have to say. It’s dopey. As a scary movie, The Manitou doesn’t quite cut it. There aren’t any real jump-scares and the premise is too silly to be scary. At the same time, it won’t lull you into a bored stupor.

 Now that you’ve read my review, you should know whether or not you want to see The Manitou. If, like me, you’re a connoisseur of 70s/80s trash cinema, it’s worth at least one viewing. You won’t be elated you watched it but you won’t be sorry either. You will, however, owe your brain a HUGE apology.