The Square (2017) Magnolia/Comedy-Drama RT: 142 minutes Rated R (language, some strong sexual content, brief violence) Director: Ruben Ostlund Screenplay: Ruben Ostlund Music: Rasmus Thord (supervisor) Cinematography: Fredrik Wenzel Release date: November 10, 2017 (Philadelphia, PA) Cast: Claes Bang, Elisabeth Moss, Dominic West, Terry Notary, Christopher Laesso.
Rating: *
I may not know much about art, but I know what I like. I don’t like The Square, not one bit. In fact, I hate it. I really, really hate it. I hate it with every fiber of my being. It’s a pretentious pile of crap. I am positively dumbfounded as to how it won the Palme d’Or at this year’s Cannes Film Festival. This means that it will likely be nominated for Best Foreign Film at this year’s Academy Awards.
What makes me most sad is that some viewers will actually buy into this crap. I fully expect that some will hail The Square as brilliant and ambitious, a cutting-edge satire of the art world. Everybody is entitled to his or her own opinion, but I must question the credibility and mental state of anybody who sees The Square as anything other than a pointless, meaningless, unpleasant excuse for an art film. It’s not even filmmaking, it’s artistic masturbation.
The Square is written and directed by Ruben Ostlund, the Swedish filmmaker also responsible for Force Majeure, another movie I despise. Like that equally repugnant movie, the characters that populate The Square are all a**holes. Well, almost everybody. Elisabeth Moss’ (Hulu’s The Handmaid’s Tale) character is merely annoying. Everybody else is a major a**hole. Even the main character’s, museum curator Christian (Danish actor Bang), two young daughters are little a**holes. There’s not a single likable person in the entire film. Rarely have I wanted a mass shooter to arrive on the scene as badly as I did with The Square. I couldn’t stand any of these people and all their yelling. Yes, there’s a lot of yelling. There’s also a lot of noise. It leaves the viewer with nearly as big a headache as any given Transformers movie. And it runs close to two-and-a-half hours. It makes you appreciate the idea of a quick death all the more.
Not only do I not know what point The Square is trying to make, I’m not even sure what it’s supposed to be about. Is it even about anything? Let’s discuss. If I had to make a guess as to the point, I’d say it has something to do with the decadence and superficiality of the modern art world. One of the opening shots shows a statue of a man on a horse being removed from the plaza in front an art museum in Stockholm. Shortly thereafter, we see somebody installing its replacement, a small square-shaped area enclosed by a white light strip. It’s part of a larger exhibit known as “The Square”. I’ll address this momentarily. It all comes down to “out with the old, in with the new”. After witnessing “the new”, I’ll stick with “the old”. I’ll take Cezanne and Renoir over piles of gravel any day.
As for the plot, it’s mainly about Christian promoting the museum’s newest exhibit, The Square. It’s described several times in the movie like this: “The Square is a sanctuary of trust and caring. Within it we all share equal rights and obligations.” I have no idea what that means and the movie never bothers to elaborate or explain. This happens more than once in The Square. Christian considers himself a good and decent man, but certain events take him down a dark path from which there is no return. It all starts when somebody steals his wallet and cell phone while he aids a passer-by in stopping an assault. His assistant Michael (Laesso) tracks his phone’s signal to a housing project in a bad neighborhood. They write a threatening letter demanding the return of his property and place copies in every mailbox. He gets his stuff back, but there are further (negative) consequences.
Christian also has a one-night stand with Anne (Moss), an interviewer who wants more than casual sex. Also, for some reason, she lives with a chimpanzee, another thing that goes unexplained (could be worse, could be a sacred deer). In addition, his ex-wife (or some other unseen person) drops off their two bratty daughters for a stay of indeterminate length. So much for peace and quiet.
Blame what happens on the many distractions of Christian’s life. A couple of obnoxious millennials come up with a promotional campaign for the Square exhibit that is, to put it mildly, controversial. It’s a YouTube video depicting a little blonde toddler dressed as a beggar getting blown up. It goes viral, generating hostile reactions from the press and public. Naturally, the blame is placed squarely on Christian.
There is so much to hate about The Square, I hardly know where to begin. Since I already made clear my feelings about the detestable characters, let’s move on to something I alluded to earlier, this movie’s refusal to explain or elaborate. Why does Anne live with a chimp? It’s a valid question. She never, at any point, even acknowledges her roommate. Is it Ostlund attempting to be bizarre? When the daughters first show up at their dad’s place, they’re fighting. Why? I didn’t even understand the state of the father-daughters relationship. Do they hate him? Love him? You can’t tell by the inconsistent way they relate to each other. Why does Christian never report his stolen property to the police? Are there even police in Stockholm? If so, surely there would be legal repercussions stemming from a performance art stunt (a man reverting to his primal nature) gone horribly (and violently) wrong.
The performance art scene, for me, is The Square at its most unbearable. All that screeching and jumping around is annoying. The scene where Christian and Anne argue over who will dispose of his post-coitus used condom is a close second. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear I was watching a Judd Apatow comedy. All that’s missing is Seth Rogen and 200 utterings of the f-word. It’s gross.
Since I hate the characters so much, I’ll refrain from commenting on the acting. I can’t accurately judge whether the performances are good or bad. The only good thing about The Square is the cinematography. It’s a good-looking movie, but it only calls attention to the shallow and facile nature of the movie. It vaguely has something to say about post-modern life, but it gets lost amidst all the noise and unpleasantness. It builds to a great big “WHO CARES?” climax. I can safely say that Ostlund had nobody else but himself in mind when he came up with The Square, a movie so pleased with itself that it just makes you hate it all the more. It should be shown in an outhouse not an arthouse. To be blunt, The Square is pure s***.
