It’s a Wonderful Knife (2023) RLJE Films/Horror-Comedy RT: 87 minutes Rated R (bloody violence, drug use, language) Director: Tyler MacIntyre Screenplay: Michael Kennedy Music: Russ Howard III Cinematography: Nicholas Piatnik Release date: November 10, 2023 (US) Cast: Jane Widdop, Joel McHale, Justin Long, Jess McLeod, Katharine Isabelle, Aiden Howard, Erin Boyes, Sean Depner, Zenia Marshall, Jason Fernandes, Hana Huggins, Kiki Faye, William B. Davis, Dimitri Vegas, Cassandra Naud, Sydney Scotia, Thomas Nicholson, Oscar Chark, Grace Vukovic, Brandon Ironside. Box Office: $811,818 (US)
Rating: ***
It’s never been a closely guarded secret. I don’t care who knows it. I can’t stand the beloved Christmas classic It’s a Wonderful Life. I find it boring, depressing and totally corny. I’m the guy in the room who tries to lead a “jump” chant when Jimmy Stewart is standing on the bridge. I tried watching it a few times to no avail. I cannot for the life of me get into it. I gave up after the third attempt because I really don’t want my COD to be listed as sentimentality OD. It’s the same reason I won’t watch the 500 new Christmas movies dropped by Hallmark every year.
What would I do to make It’s a Wonderful Life more palatable? That’s easy. I’d add a serial killer. Think about it. What if instead of saving the family business from financial ruin by a greedy a**hole, George Bailey had to save Bedford Falls from a homicidal maniac? In the words of two brilliant 90s philosophers, “That would be cool. Huh huh!” It would appear that director Tyler MacIntyre (“The Gawkers” from the horror anthology V/H/S/99) is of the same mind. His reimagines Frank Capra’s mawkish drama as It’s a Wonderful Knife, a semi-comical holiday-themed horror-thriller in which a teenage girl contemplates her existence after killing a psycho one fateful Christmas Eve.
It’s Christmas Eve and Winnie Carruthers (Widdop, Yellowjackets) is miserable. The year before, her best friend was brutally murdered along with two others by a crazed killer in an angel costume. He came after her too, but she got the upper hand and electrocuted him, killing him. The culprit turns out to be Henry Waters (Long, Barbarian), a prominent businessman planning to turn the small, quaint town of Angel Falls into a high-end shopping center which would effectively put all of the small businesses in town out of business. When the last holdout, her bff’s grandfather (Davis, aka “The Smoking Man” from The X-Files), still refuses to sell his home, Waters kills him and his granddaughter. Henry, cloaked in hubris and arrogance, didn’t count on being taken down by a teenage girl.
Now you’d think that everybody would be grateful to Winnie for saving their town, homes and lives from this murderous megalomaniac. They’re not. Nobody even acknowledges her heroic deed, not even her own family who can’t see that she’s suffering from PTSD. Get over it, they say, it’s been a year. You’d think they’d be just a little appreciative seeing that Waters’ death and disgrace made Winnie’s father David (McHale, Community) the new town BMOC. That would be a big N-O. They continue to marginalize her and her feelings. That’s not all that’s troubling her. An aspiring photographer, she’s just been rejected by her college of choice. Also, she discovers her boyfriend cheating on her at a teen Christmas party. He’s been at it for a year and she never noticed. That’s enough to drive anybody to consider ending it all.
Like George Bailey before her, Winnie stands on a bridge and wishes she was never born. I guess she never heard what Oscar Wilde said about wishing. In the blink of an eye, she finds herself in an alternate version of Angel Falls run by the no longer late Henry Waters, now the town mayor. Since Winnie was never born to begin with, there was nobody around to stop him from taking over the town which has become a hellhole. It also means the killings continued to the tune of 26 victims in the past year. Like her cinematic predecessor, nobody she knows recognizes her, not even her own family which has fallen apart without her.
Winnie needs to fix what she’s done in order to get back to where she belongs. Obviously, the only way to do this is to re-kill Waters. She gets help from town outcast Bernie [aka “Weirdo”] (McLeod, One of Us Is Lying), the only one who believes her story. Together, they devise a plan to kill the killer so Winnie can go home again.
I imagine most if not all horror movies are going to pale in comparison to Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving, a super-duper gorefest with some of the best kill scenes I’ve seen in years. It’s a Wonderful Knife, which has a body count of 14, has plenty of slash and splatter. It doesn’t exactly wallow in blood, but the makers don’t skimp on it either. The disappointing part is that there’s only one truly memorable kill scene. Somebody gets impaled through the back of the head with a big candy cane ornament. The rest are your standard stabbings, hackings, impalings and dismemberments. A little more creativity in this area would have served the movie well I think.
Justin Long camps it up hilariously as the Henry Potter character who shares a trait or two in common with any given Scream killer. As an actor, he doesn’t appear to take himself too seriously and it works in his favor. He’s a real hoot in It’s a Wonderful Knife. I might even say it’s the role he was born to play. As the heroine, Widdop is pretty good. I’m probably going to get hell for saying this, but I liked her better in the George/Georgia Bailey role than Jimmy Stewart. He got on my nerves with all that dopey, drippy nonsense about lassoing the moon for Donna Reed. Widdop has the better love story and this is where the film really distinguishes itself.
What I haven’t yet told you is that It’s a Wonderful Knife is also a queer love story, the couple in question being Winnie and Bernie. It felt more real to me than George and Mary. They’re actually cute together once they let their guards down and get closer. The credit for this goes to screenwriter Michael Kennedy who got the studio to let him add this to the story. BTW, they’re not the only gay characters in the film. I’m glad to see the LGBTQ+ community represented so prominently. I don’t normally go for “woke”, but it gives It’s a Wonderful Knife a noticeably sharper edge.
I very much enjoyed It’s a Wonderful Knife. It’s one of those rare horror movies that live up to the coolness of its title. It has a couple of nifty “BOO!” moments and some great makeup effects. It’s fun to watch whether or not you’re a fan of the film that inspired it. It’s a cool take on the so-called classic. I’m adding it to my list of Christmas movie annuals.
