Rustlers’ Rhapsody (1985) Paramount/Comedy RT: 88 minutes Rated PG (mild language, mild violence, crude humor, some sexual innuendo, use of a hallucinogenic root) Director: Hugh Wilson Screenplay: Hugh Wilson Music: Steve Dorff Cinematography: Jose Luis Alcaine Release date: May 10, 1985 (US) Starring: Tom Berenger, G.W. Bailey, Marilu Henner, Sela Ward, Fernando Rey, Andy Griffith, Brant Van Hoffman, Christopher Malcolm, Jim Carter, Patrick Wayne. Box Office: $6.9M (US)
Rating: ***
Whereas Airplane! was an all-out spoof of disaster movies, Rustlers’ Rhapsody is a gentle parody of the “singing cowboy” movies of the 30s and 40s, the ones starring the likes of Roy Rogers, Gene Autry and Tex Ritter. In a voice over by Peter (Bailey, Police Academy), he wonders what it would be like if one of those movies were made today. It certainly would be different starting with the tech. The movie shifts from black and white to color; the sound shifts from mono to Dolby Digital surround sound.
All of the conventions of those countless B-movie westerns of yesteryear are covered. In the older movies, a whole gang of bad guys would run away from the movie’s hero. When the movie makes its shift to modern-day 1985, the gang turns around and chases the hero. After all, there are more of them than there are of him, right?
The plot is right out of one of those old westerns. Lone cowboy hero Rex O’Herlihan (Berenger, The Big Chill) rides into town to find it’s a corrupt place run by a dishonest cattle rancher whose henchmen do whatever they want without consequences. They strongly dislike the sheep herders (they really stink!) and terrorize them. The funny thing is Rex is already aware of all of this and knows how everything will turn out. The same thing happens in every town he passes through. He ends up helping the poor, scared good guys fight the rich, powerful bad guys. Each one of these towns has a corrupt and incompetent sheriff, a prostitute with a heart of gold and a town drunk. Peter is the town drunk and explains the town’s situation to Rex in exchange for a drink (warm gin with a human hair in it).
The bad guy in this corrupt town is Colonel Ticonderoga (Griffith, The Andy Griffith Show), a cattle baron who wants to retain control over Oakwood Estates. After realizing he’s going to need some help dealing with Rex, the Colonel goes to the boss of the “railroad men” (Rey, The French Connection) and asks for his help. They, in turn, call in another singing cowboy “good guy” Wrangler Bob Barber (Wayne, son of western legend John) to help take care of Rex.
Peter sobers up and asks Rex if he could be his sidekick. Rex rejects his offer because he already knows what happens to all of his sidekicks and doesn’t want to see another one end up dead. That’s why his theme song is “I Ride Alone”. Eventually, Peter’s persistence pays off and soon Rex is training him in the finer points of being a hero’s sidekick- i.e. shooting, jumping onto a horse from a rooftop and ironing his fancy shirts.
Rustlers’ Rhapsody is a funny and enjoyable movie, one that didn’t find much of an audience in May ’85. It carries a PG rating which means that kids and teens could get in, but since many of them never saw a singing cowboy movie, they had no point of reference. The ones who would most appreciate it, the 50 and over crowd, didn’t come out to see it. The studio tried marketing it as a comedy “from the director of Police Academy” but it didn’t work. Rustlers’ Rhapsody grossed a paltry $6.1 million. Hell, I didn’t see it at the movies either. That weekend, I opted to see Chuck Norris in Code of Silence, a choice I still stand by. I rented it on video later in the year and liked it even if I didn’t catch all the references. I did, however, understand what Wilson was going for with it.
Rustlers’ Rhapsody doesn’t restrict itself to the singing cowboy genre of westerns; it also parodies spaghetti westerns where bands of killers in long trench coats stroll into towns and characters spoke with European accents. I happen to love those movies.
While not all-out hilarious, Rustlers’ Rhapsody is more amusing than not. It helps that it features a talented cast. Berenger plays Rex as a wholesome figure who finds he has doubts and insecurities that make him less wholesome. He wants to do more than just kiss the girl and ride off into the sunset at the end of the movie (yes, Rex is a virgin). Two women would like to help him with this particular problem; town prostitute with a heart of gold Miss Tracy (Henner, Cannonball Run II) and the Colonel’s horny daughter (Ward, The Man Who Loved Women). They’re both attracted to him and keep showing up at his campsite amid protests that their presence will tarnish his squeaky clean image. I get it, I don’t think Roy and Gene got laid much either.
Griffith is a riot as the bad guy who says things like “Gee whiz!” when one of his nefarious plans fails. He also gets one of the movie’s funniest (and crudest) lines when he instructs one of his men to “throw another faggot on the fire”. For those who don’t know, the word “fagot” means log or a bundle of sticks. You wouldn’t hear a double entendre like that in a Tex Ritter movie. Wayne goofs on his father’s image to nice effect. Bailey contributes a nice dose of physical comedy. Also, he makes a really good nice guy.
Then there’s the music which, in my opinion, is one of the best things about the movie. The two songs that play over the closing credits, “Last Of The Silver Screen Cowboys” (by Rex Allen Jr.) and “Lasso The Moon” (by Gary Morris), are surprisingly tender and touching. They serve as a beautiful tribute to a subgenre that rode off into the sunset a long time ago.
The makers of Rustlers’ Rhapsody seem to have a real affection for westerns. They don’t treat it in a condescending matter; they just kind of poke fun at it and give it a gentle nudge in the ribs. Wilson takes aim at all the conventions and characters typically associated with the genre. He hits more than he misses. Also, it’s good-spirited and fun. It may not be a ZAZ spoof, but it’s world’s better than the crappy ones we get today- e.g. anything bearing the names Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. It’s no Blazing Saddles, but it works well enough.
