Unaccompanied Minors (2006) Warner Bros./Comedy RT: 90 minutes Rated PG (mild rude humor, language, comic violence) Director: Paul Feig Screenplay: Jacob Meszaros and Mya Stark Music: Michael Andrews Cinematography: Christopher Baffa Release date: December 8, 2006 (US) Cast: Lewis Black, Wilmer Valderrama, Dyllan Christopher, Tyler James Williams, Gina Mantegna, Quinn Shephard, Brett Kelly, Dominique Saldana, Paget Brewster, Teri Garr, Rob Corddry, Rob Riggle, Jessica Walter, Michelle Sandler, David Koechner, B.J. Novak, Mindy Kaling, Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, Mark McKinney, Dave “Gruber” Allen, Steve Bannos, Tony Hale, Cedric Yarbrough, Kristen Wiig, Al Roker. Box Office: $16.6M (US)/$21.9M (World)
Rating: ***
In Unaccompanied Minors, a harmless Christmas cookie of a holiday-themed comedy, five preteens from different walks of life wreak havoc at a Midwestern airport after getting stranded by a blizzard on Christmas Eve. It’s like Home Alone meets The Breakfast Club. It even comes with its very own Grinch, the airport head honcho played by stand-up comedian Lewis Black, known for his angry-funny tirades against life’s many absurdities. Given the often-profane content of his routines, it seems odd casting him in a movie aimed at kids 12 and under. But those that know their movie history will surely remember that Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and George Carlin managed to successfully tone it down to a PG in The Toy, Shrek and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure respectively. Hence, it’s not exactly precedent-setting for Black to attempt the same. He makes for an interesting nemesis in Unaccompanied Minors, a movie that takes place in that special universe where adults are boneheads and kids always manage to get the upper hand. In the pantheon of classic Christmas movies, Unaccompanied Minors is rather inconsequential. It’s fun and, more often than not, funny. It just won’t stay with you for very long.
On Christmas Eve, awkward Spencer (Christopher, Armageddon) and his bratty little sister Katherine (Saldana) are set to fly on their own cross-country to spend the holidays with their eco-obsessed father (Corddry, Hot Tub Time Machine). Due to the raging blizzard outside, all flights are cancelled leaving them stranded at a Kansas airport. They’re taken to a room filled with other unaccompanied minors under the supervision of amiable but frazzled airport employee Zach (Valderrama, That 70s Show). To call the place chaotic is a vast understatement.
When Spencer decides to bail, four other kids- rich girl Grace (Mantegna, The Frozen Ground), nervous junior buppie Charlie (Williams, Everybody Hates Chris), angry tomboy Donna (Shephard, Hostages) and weird fat kid Beef (Kelly, Bad Santa)- follow suit and proceed to run rampant through the crowded airport. Somehow, airport head Porter and the bumbling security guards manage to round them up and take them back to the UM (Unaccompanied Minors) room, now empty because the other kids have been put up at a nearby lodge for the night. Realizing his sister will freak if Santa doesn’t bring her a present, Spencer plots with the others to escape their confinement and make it to the lodge before morning.
These kids may be different in many ways, but one thing they share in common is they all come from broken families. It’s over this that they start to bond and form a family of their own. If only it wasn’t for grouchy, Christmas-hating Porter always spoiling their fun. He was supposed to spend the holidays in Hawaii, the first Christmas he’s had off in 15 years. The blizzard took care of that. Now he’s out for blood and these unruly kids make a perfect target.
I realize Unaccompanied Minors is a kid’s movie; it’s what I call a “drop-off movie”. You know, drop off the kids at the multiplex, run some errands and pick them up two hours later. I actually enjoyed it. It has a fair share of funny moments. It’s kind of fun watching these kids run wild. Even better, these kids are likable. In movies like this, the kids have a tendency to be either cloyingly cute or obnoxious little monsters. That isn’t the case in Unaccompanied Minors. Are they perfect little angels? Of course not. But the screenplay, written by Jacob Meszaros and Mya Stark, provides context for their behavior. Divorce is rough, especially on kids who are prone to act out because they have no other outlet. So we understand why Donna doesn’t like to be touched and punches those dumb enough to do so, why Beef is so attached to his Aquaman action figure and certain things about Grace I won’t reveal. However, I doubt that director Paul Feig, creator of Freaks and Geeks, had such heavy intentions with this slight but entertaining comedy.
While the kids definitely take center stage in Unaccompanied Minors, many of the adult actors have their moments. A subplot has Spencer and Katherine’s father driving to the airport in his eco-friendly biodiesel-fueled car, running into all manners of problems along the way. Meanwhile, their mother (Brewster, Criminal Minds) sits at home worrying while her sister (an uncredited Garr) gets drunk. Feig cast many of his friends and colleagues in small roles- e.g. Mindy Kaling (The Office) as a restaurant hostess, Kristen Wiig (SNL) as Donna’s mother, Rob Riggle (SNL) as the head security guard, Jessica Walter (Arrested Development) as a stewardess, Dave “Gruber” Allen (Freaks and Geeks) as a gas station attendant and three Kids in the Hall alumni- Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch and Mark McKinney- as a trio of incompetent guards. The child actors are quite good, especially Williams, Shephard and Mantegna.
Naturally, Unaccompanied Minors becomes heartwarming in the final act when Spencer and Porter come to understand each other by way of a heart-to-heart. It ends on a total cliché, but I still bought into it. Unlike many recent Christmas-themed comedies, Unaccompanied Minors is blessedly NOT mean-spirited and crass. Yes, Feig manages to squeeze in a fart joke, but that’s to be expected in a comedy made with preteens in mind. It’s a rather sweet movie when you look past all the slapstick violence and destruction. One of my favorite scenes is when the kids make their way to the unclaimed baggage warehouse where Charlie does a soft-shoe to Lee Morgan’s “The Sidewinder”. All the kids join in; it’s a moment of unbridled joy. Nothing ever comes off as phony or insincere either. The only problem is that it doesn’t really stand out among perennial classics like A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation or the original Miracle on 34th Street. It’s a hell of a lot better than Jim Carrey’s Grinch movie though. It makes for a nice diversion for the kids on one of those slow nights before Christmas.
