Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988) New World/Comedy-Horror RT: 96 minutes Rated PG-13 (sexual innuendo and jokes, some violence, language) Director: James Signorelli Screenplay: Sam Egan, John Paragon and Cassandra Peterson Music: James B. Campbell Cinematography: Hanania Bier Release date: September 30, 1988 (US) Cast: Cassandra Peterson, W. Morgan Sheppard, Daniel Greene, Susan Kellerman, Edie McClurg, Jeff Conaway, Frank Collison, Ellen Dunning, Pat Crawford Brown, William Duell, Kriss Kamm, Scott Morris, Ira Heiden, Robert Benedetti, Kurt Fuller, Hugh Gillin. Box Office: $5.5M (US)
Rating: ***
It worked for commercial pitchman Ernest P. Worrell (aka Jim Varney) the previous year so why not Elvira (aka Cassandra Peterson), the sultry late night horror movie hostess with the big bazoombies. Surely a movie starring her would be a big hit, right? Okay, maybe not. That doesn’t mean Elvira, Mistress of the Dark isn’t worth watching at least once, especially if you remember watching her show Elvira’s Movie Macabre in which she presented B-grade horror movies with comments throughout. It was like Vampira with double entendres and cleavage jokes.
In 1988, the sexy Goth gal brought her act to the big screen in Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. It was produced and released by New World Pictures which usually meant that yours truly would be there opening weekend. Sadly, I missed this one at the movies. Between a busy schedule (school and work) and it being a one-week wonder, I just didn’t have time to see it. I had to wait until it came out on video. Thankfully, it never took too long for a New World movie to hit video. I saw it the following spring and liked it.
After she’s fired from her job for refusing the sexual advances of the TV station’s new owner, Elvira finds herself in a real bind (see what I did there?). Her plans to open a new show in Las Vegas will go right down the crapper unless she comes up with $50,000 to fund it. Luckily, she receives a telegram informing her that her great-aunt has died and she’s the primary beneficiary. She gets in her car and heads to Fallwell, MA for the reading of the will. That’s when Elvira’s troubles really begin.
For one thing, Fallwell is one of those small conservative towns filled with uptight folks. With a name like Fallwell (as in Reverend Jerry), what did you expect, the East Coast version of Haight-Ashbury? HA! This town is so conservative the local movie theater only shows G-rated movies. ANYWAY, Elvira doesn’t exactly receive a warm reception upon arrival. She instantly runs afoul of Chastity Pariah (McClurg, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off), one of the town’s puritanical leaders. You just know she’s going to make trouble for our vampish heroine. The town’s teenagers, on the other hand, love their new neighbor.
At the reading, Elvira learns that she’s inherited her great-aunt’s old rundown house, her pet poodle Algonquin (who immediately gets a punk makeover from his new owner) and her recipe book. That last item is something the great-uncle, Vincent (Sheppard, Wild at Heart), would love to get his hands on. Unbeknownst to Elvira, it’s actually a spellbook that once belonged to her mother, a witch. Vincent, a warlock, wants to use it to conquer the world during an upcoming eclipse. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.
Realizing that she’ll be stuck in Fallwell for a while, Elvira tries to become part of the community but is blocked at every turn by Chastity and the uptight town council who see her as a bad influence on the town’s youth. She makes friends with the theater owner Bob (Greene, Hands of Steel), something that doesn’t go over well with Patty (Kellerman, Beetlejuice), the local bowling alley owner with designs on Bob. An extremely jealous and vindictive type, she sabotages a midnight screening of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes by dumping tar and feathers on hostess Elvira. Once word gets out about Elvira’s connection with witchcraft (still a crime in Massachusetts), she’s arrested and sentenced to burn at the stake in the town square.
I won’t lie. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark isn’t what you call quality cinema. It’s a New World movie, for Pete’s sake! Since when do they make prestigious films? HA! Seriously though, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark is a seriously silly movie with more than its fair share of booby jokes. It’s also a goof on the kinds of B-level horror movies its star used to show on her program. Witchery afoot in a modern small town; sounds like the premise for a cheapie fright flick from Hammer or American International (or, dare I say, New World). Elvira/Peterson is a commanding presence. She really fills out the screen (snicker, snicker!). Her sense of humor steers towards the ribald without being outright crude and vulgar. Building a movie around a pre-existing character is tricky business. Sometimes it works. Ernest Goes to Camp is a very funny movie (I can’t say much for the sequels though). Sometimes it doesn’t. Nobody went to see The Jerky Boys movie in ’95 (I liked it a lot myself). Elvira, Mistress of the Dark works more often than it doesn’t. That is, if you approach it in the right frame of mind. It’s pure silliness like Saturday the 14th and Transylvania 6-5000.
The cast, which includes Jeff Conaway (Grease) and Frank Collison (The Last Boy Scout) as Vincent’s two incompetent henchmen, looks like they’re having fun. Sheppard camps it up as the villainous great-uncle. McClurg plays a character who might very well be related to Mrs. Poole, the busybody she played on the sitcom The Hogan Family (1986-91). Kellerman is just right as mean Patty. Also, the dog is really cool. The cheap special effects are actually pretty good. In one scene, Elvira makes what she thinks is a casserole (she doesn’t yet know what the book really is) and ends up creating a monster that wants to eat her and Bob.
I had fun with Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Sure, it’s predictable. Yes, it’s dumb. However, I suspect everybody involved knew that going forward. Director James Signorelli (Easy Money) has the right touch for the material. Some of it doesn’t work (like I already said) but that can easily be forgiven. It may not be a great film, but Elvira, Mistress of the Dark is a pretty good movie. It has plenty of laughs and knowing winks at the audience. If you’re the type that snickers at PG-13 level dirty jokes, chances are you’ll be snickering a lot at this one.
