Vacation (2015) New Line/Comedy RT: 99 minutes Rated R (crude and sexual content and language throughout, brief graphic nudity) Director: John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein Screenplay: John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein Music: Mark Mothersbaugh Cinematography: Barry Peterson Release date: July 29, 2015 (US) Cast: Ed Helms, Christina Applegate, Skyler Gisondo, Steele Stebbins, Leslie Mann, Chris Hemsworth, Catherine Missal, Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, Charlie Day, Ron Livingston, Norman Reedus. Keegan Michael-Key, Regina Hall, Elizabeth Gillies, Tim Heidecker, Nick Kroll, Kaitlin Olson, Michael Pena, Hannah Davis Jeter, David Clennon, Colin Hanks. Box Office: $58.9M (US)/$104.7M (World)
Rating: ½ *
I have fond memories of seeing the very first Vacation movie with my then-girlfriend Julie back in summer ’83. I rewatched it several times on cable TV the following summer. It’s one of those classic 80s comedies that’s funny no matter how many times you’ve seen it. The same goes for European Vacation (1985) and Christmas Vacation (1989).
Vacation basically craps all over the original movies. Even though I knew it was going to be bad (that God-awful trailer!), I tried to keep an open mind. I even felt a slight twinge of nostalgia as the classic Lindsay Buckingham theme “Holiday Road” played over a montage of postcards from different places during the opening credits. It started fading almost immediately when they turned out to be dirty postcards. It dissipated completely the moment Ed Helms (The Hangover) found himself face down in a little boy’s crotch. It’s not funny the first time. It sure as hell isn’t funny the second and third time. It goes downhill from there.
The original Vacation has a sense of innocence about it. It was only mildly tasteless. This Vacation (sans National Lampoon) is crude, mean-spirited, gross, crass and unfunny. It contains jokes about pedophilia, rim jobs, glory holes and swimming in fecal matter. Much of it is uncomfortable. The 1983 movie, also rated R, is a family film compared to this atrocity.
No doubt you want to know if this new Vacation is a reboot or an official sequel. It’s both. Helms plays Rusty Griswold, all grown up with a family of his own. Not surprisingly, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. He’s an even bigger jackass than his father. His wife Debbie (Applegate, The Sweetest Thing) thinks he’s boring. His teenage son James (Gisondo, The Amazing Spider-Man) is awkward and bullied mercilessly by sadistic younger brother Kevin (Stebbins, A Haunted House 2).
Rusty is an airline pilot for an outfit called Econo-Air. When he overhears Debbie complaining to a friend about their upcoming vacation to the same cabin they’ve been renting for the last ten years, Rusty surprises the family by announcing that this year they’ll be taking a road trip to Walley World. Needless to say, they’re underwhelmed.
Once the Griswolds hit the road, the expected disasters follow. The car Rusty rents for the trip is a gas-guzzling piece of crap. A trucker stalks and harasses them on the highways. There’s an awkward visit to younger sis Audrey (Mann, This Is 40) now married to Thor himself Chris Hemsworth, here playing a strapping, sexist meteorologist named Stone (so called because of his abs, no doubt). That’s right after their swim in the same stuff the script is made from, raw sewage.
At times, Vacation is downright skeevy. In one scene, Rusty attempts to play wingman when son James tries to woo an attractive girl (Missal) and ends up looking like a pervert instead. That’s right before he offers his son “a goodnight rim job”. Don’t ask. Other times, it’s totally gross. Do you really need to see Rusty standing in a pile of cow guts? Again, don’t ask.
This Vacation is so ill-conceived that even appearances by original stars Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo don’t help. They have NOT aged well at all. She looks like the poster girl for plastic surgery. He just appears confused and out of it. I seriously think something’s up with his health. Like the first movie, this one also has surprise cameos, but nobody on the level of Eugene Levy or the late John Candy. I’ll give you one. Charlie Day (Horrible Bosses) shows up as a Grand Canyon rafting guide. This guy has the same effect on me as fingernails on a blackboard. His voice is so annoying.
Helms does his best which isn’t much, but he’s no Chevy Chase (in his younger days, of course). He’s not exactly horrible, but his character isn’t as likable as Clark Griswold. Applegate doesn’t get off scott-free either. She has her own disgusting moment, this one involving vomit (a lot of it!). Also, is it really funny for a mother to call her own son a “little f***er”? No, not really.
Never have I wanted so much to repeatedly smack the hell out of child like I did with the younger brother. This kid is a mean, bratty, foul-mouthed little a**hole that terrorizes, threatens, harasses and tries to kill his older brother. I found myself rethinking my position on corporal punishment. The characters in Vacation are so unlikable that you pray the giant roller coaster at Walley World collapses and takes everybody with it. That would spare us any potential future sequels.
I liked two things about this movie; “Holiday Road” and an appearance by the old family Truckster. That’s it. The references to the original movies come off as self-conscious. The ending, in which the new Griswolds learn a lesson about family unity, comes off as phony and insincere in light of all the vulgarity that preceded it. That they learn it by getting into a fist fight with another family at the park makes it all the more cynical and mean-spirited. All of it is in very, very poor taste. It’s not funny, it’s disgusting. I blame it on writing-directing duo John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein making an inauspicious debut. Hey guys, really? Really?
Whatever you do, don’t take this Vacation. Stay home and rewatch the first two instead. They’re still funny and they won’t make you feel uncomfortable.
FUNNY NOTE: I found myself sitting next to a mother and son who couldn’t have been more than 10 or 11. Shortly around the rim job bit, they left. Most likely, it was on her say-so. Good move on Mom’s part, but what possessed her to bring her kid to a movie like this in the first place? Did she not watch the trailer on YouTube? Did she not notice the big letter R on the poster? That’s great parenting in action, folks!
