The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982) Universal/Musical-Comedy RT: 114 minutes Rated R (language, bawdy humor, brief nudity, some sexual content, brief drug use) Director: Colin Higgins Screenplay: Colin Higgins, Larry L. King and Peter Masterson Music: Carol Hall and Patrick Williams Cinematography: William A. Fraker Release date: July 23, 1982 (US) Cast: Burt Reynolds, Dolly Parton, Dom DeLuise, Jim Nabors, Charles Durning, Robert Mandan, Lois Nettleton, Theresa Merritt, Noah Beery Jr., Raleigh Bond, Barry Corbin, Ken Magee, Mary Jo Catlett, Mary Louise Wilson. Box Office: $69.7M (US)
Rating: ****
I watch the musical comedy The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas every Thanksgiving Day and not just because the action of the movie takes place around that time. I associate it with the memory of seeing it with my father the night before Thanksgiving 1982. I wanted to see it all summer. He finally took me when it was playing at a local $1 theater. I thoroughly enjoyed it, not because it was about sex and not because it gave me a reason to say the word “whorehouse” as my mother claimed to the day she died. I enjoyed it because it was a fun movie with two great leads and plenty of singing and dancing. Even at 14, I really enjoyed musicals, something I could never mention to my friends or classmates. In the words of the guys I grew up with, “Musicals are for fags!” I could only respond by daring them to say that to my father’s face, a tough WWII vet also known as “Mad Dog Rother” and “Raging Bull” and big fan of musicals.
An adaptation of the hit Broadway musical, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas tells the story of the Chicken Ranch, a bordello located just outside Gilbert, Texas in Lanville County, doing business with horny men since 1910. The people of Gilbert have no problem with it. Everybody likes the madam Mona Stangely (country singer Parton, Nine to Five). Miss Mona, as she’s known around town, is a kind, decent, tax-paying citizen whose frequent financial civic contributions have earned her a closet full of plaques.
Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd (Reynolds, The Cannonball Run) has been in a secret relationship with Mona for many years. He can’t bring himself to admit how he feels about her. Ed Earl is somebody you really don’t want to mess with. He has a quick temper and a license to carry a gun (dangerous combination!). Push the wrong buttons and he loses his s*** in a big way.
Life is pretty quiet in Gilbert until sensationalistic consumer reporter Melvin P. Thorpe (DeLuise, The Cannonball Run) does a piece about the Chicken Ranch on his weekly news show “The Watchdog Report”. Immediately, Ed Earl finds himself under a lot of pressure from local politicians to close the place down. The people of Texas are “shocked” to learn a whorehouse has been in operation for almost 100 years. He convinces Mona to close down for a couple of months until all the attention subsides.
There’s a yearly tradition that the winning team of the annual Thanksgiving college football game (University of Texas vs. Texas A&M) is treated to a night at the Chicken Ranch by their alumni association. Mona decides to keep the place open for the celebration only. That’s when Thorpe shows up at the house with his camera crew and exposes what’s going on much to the wrath of Ed Earl and the aggravation of Miss Mona.
Now what some people don’t know is The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is based on a true story. There really was a Chicken Ranch. It operated in La Grange, Texas (Fayette County) from 1905 until 1973 when an investigation by television reporter Marvin Zindler caused its closure. Some of the factual aspects are present in the movie. The madam Edna Milton did maintain a strict set of rules for her “girls” and didn’t tolerate any kind of inappropriate behavior from the customers. The sheriff T.J. Flournoy was on good terms with Miss Edna although they were not romantically involved. There were accusations of the whorehouse having connections with organized crime, but no evidence was ever found supporting this claim. The Chicken Ranch was frequented by politicians and lawmen who preferred not to call attention to the place. It was the governor Dolph Briscoe who ordered the brothel be shut down permanently.
Charles Durning (Sharky’s Machine) plays the Governor in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Even though he has only a few minutes of screen time, it still earned him an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor. He performs one of the movie’s best numbers “The Sidestep”. It describes him perfectly as he dodges certain people and gives vague, non-committal answers to reporters’ questions. In other words, he’s just like any politician that’s ever existed except he has great dance moves.
A couple of other numbers stand out here like Melvin P. Thorpe singing “Texas Has a Whorehouse in It” on his program and the football team’s number “The Aggie Song” followed by a celebration in the bordello’s courtyard (“Courtyard Shag”). These sequences really bring the movie to life. In addition to the music from the original stage show, Dolly contributes two original songs to the soundtrack, “Sneakin’ Around”, a duet with co-star Reynolds and “I Will Always Love You”, the song that was remade by Whitney Houston for the 1992 movie The Bodyguard.
The choreography is great. I refer you once again to the football team’s number as well as the opening number “A Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place”. Parton is an amazing singer and The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas allows her to display her full range of vocal talents. As for the other actors in the movie, let’s just say they can carry a tune reasonably well although I don’t think Reynolds should consider giving up his acting career any time soon. That’s one of the things about movie musicals. Not all of the actors are going to be accomplished and/or polished singers. It’s best to just accept it and enjoy the film.
Some of the critics complained Reynolds and Parton have no chemistry. I don’t agree with that at all. They did a great job; it’s a shame they never worked together again. Back in the day, I was a big fan of Burt. I would watch any movie he was in even Stroker Ace (1983) and Cannonball Run II (1984), both of which I liked. Parton is an engaging film presence. She acts as well as she sings. I might be one of the VERY few people who like Rhinestone (1984). Jim Nabors (Gomer Pyle USMC) is pure comic relief as Deputy Fred, a local cop whose IQ is only slightly higher than Barney Fife.
Directed by Colin Higgins (Nine to Five, Foul Play), The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas benefits from a likable supporting cast. Lois Nettleton (Deadly Blessing) plays Dulcie Mae, local diner waitress and Ed Earl’s in-town lady friend; he has Thanksgiving dinner with her and her young son every year. Robert Mandan (Zapped!) shows up as a State Senator who gets caught up in the Chicken Ranch scandal. Noah Beery Jr. (The Rockford Files) plays a local newspaper editor who believes what people do behind closed doors is their own private business and nobody has the right to legislate it. Raleigh Bond (Pennies from Heaven) plays the town mayor who calls for his heart medication every time the Chicken Ranch story shows up on the nightly news. Theresa Merritt (Billy Madison) plays Jewel, the wise housemaid at the Chicken Ranch and Mona’s closest friend. The girls employed at the Chicken Ranch are all very attractive. Who wouldn’t want to spend an evening with any one of these lovely ladies?
The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is a thoroughly enjoyable musical comedy with more than its fair share of memorable scenes. When Thorpe shows up in Gilbert and starts broadcasting in front of the courthouse, Ed Earl shows up and curses him out while the TV cameras are rolling. His tirade is very profane and very funny, I love it when he tells that arrogant reporter that he’s going to knock him so flat he’ll “have to roll down his socks to s***!”. This movie is full of good dialogue like that. Various characters use descriptive phrases like “slicker than cat s*** on a linoleum floor”, “quicker than goose s*** through a tin horn”, “we can’t just sit here waiting to grow tits” and, when Ed Earl is handed a very small pair of bikini briefs, he says it would “be like putting two bowling balls in a marble bag.”
The funny thing about The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is that there isn’t that much actual sex depicted on screen. It contains just a few shots of people in bed together and a couple of scenes where a customer is shown thrusting his pelvis. There are only brief flashes of nudity in the scene where Melvin crashes the party at the Chicken Ranch. Nobody uses the f-word at all.
The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is surprisingly tame considering its title and subject matter. Would it still get an R rating today? I really love this movie; it’s good on so many levels. It even has a dramatic happy ending that makes the whole viewing experience worthwhile. Like Deputy Fred says at the beginning of the movie “It was the nicest little whorehouse you ever saw!” I agree with that statement. That’s why I accept Jewel’s customary farewell/invitation to all the customers, “Y’all come back now! Ya hear?” each and every year.
I don’t know if it’s appropriate or not, but I’d like to dedicate this review to my father who passed away on Thanksgiving night 1989. This one’s for you, Mad Dog.
