The Room (2003) Chloe Productions/Drama RT: 99 minutes Rated R (language, brief violence, threatening moments, nudity, strong sexual content, thematic elements) Director: Tommy Wiseau Screenplay: Tommy Wiseau Music: Mladen Milicevic Cinematography: Todd Barron Release date: June 27, 2003 (US) Cast: Tommy Wiseau, Juliette Danielle, Greg Sestero, Phillip Haldiman, Carolyn Minnott, Robyn Paris, Scott Holmes, Kyle Vogt, Greg Ellery. Box Office: (initial) $549,602 (US)
Rating: * (as a film)/ *** ½ (as a cult movie)
I was recently rereading an older issue of Entertainment Weekly when I came across an article called “The Battle Over the Worst Movie Ever Made” (Clark Collis, February 18, 2011, #1142). The movie in question is called The Room and after reading the article, I knew I had to watch it. Apparently, it’s attained cult status like The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Well, it’s terrible alright. It exudes amateurism from every pore and reeks of incompetence, yet I find I don’t dislike The Room. I can’t for it’s the sheer ineptitude of it all that makes it more than just a very bad movie. It’s a bad movie classic. You have to possess a special kind of talent to make something this utterly terrible. I think they call it no-talent. It’s not the first time I’ve run across this. It’s a malady not easily overcome, but it hasn’t stopped Uwe Boll from making movies and it certainly didn’t stop writer, director and star Tommy Wiseau from going ahead with The Room. Lucky us.
What is The Room about? From what I gather, it concerns a love triangle between Johnny (Wiseau), his fiancee Lisa (Danielle) and his best friend Mark (Sestero). Johnny is a successful banker ready to take the plunge into marital bliss with Lisa. She’s not so sure. As she explains to her mother (Minnott), she’s become dissatisfied with their relationship. This is why she’s having an affair with Mark. She’s the kind of girl who wants to have it all. She stays with Johnny for financial stability and continues seeing Mark to satisfy her sexual desires.
The Room goes off the rails almost immediately with the introduction of secondary characters and underdeveloped subplots like the ones I’m about to lay on you. Johnny acts as mentor and best friend to Denny (Haldiman), an 18YO college student who lives in the same building. Johnny loves the kid like a son; he even pays his tuition. How does Denny pay him back? By admitting to lusting after his wife-to-be. Apparently, Johnny and Lisa run an open house out of their apartment. Why else would their friends Mike (Holmes) and Michelle (Paris) feel free to walk in and have sex right on the couch? Naturally, Lisa and her mom walk in on them. Lisa’s mother is a woman with many problems- e.g. failed relationships, breast cancer. She complains constantly. Johnny’s psychologist friend Peter (Vogt) patiently listens as he discusses Lisa’s infidelity. He arrives at the conclusion that Lisa is a sociopath and only cares about herself. No s***, Sherlock! She’s also a pathological liar. She makes up a story about being pregnant in order to cover up her affair with Mark. Do I really need to go on?
The Room plays like a bad soap opera. Even the score by Mladen Milicevic sounds like it was lifted from one of the afternoon melodramas our mothers watched. In addition, things happen that go unexplained like the run-in Denny has with a local drug dealer. Is Denny a drug addict? He owes the guy a lot of money; the dealer holds Denny at gunpoint until Johnny intervenes. Denny’s crush on Lisa goes unexplored as well. Near the end of the movie, a character named Steven shows up. We haven’t seen him before; he’s never even been mentioned in passing. Yet he’s the one who catches Lisa and Mark kissing at Johnny’s surprise birthday party. Why introduce a character so late in the movie? What purpose does he serve? Johnny mentions he has a mysterious new client at the bank, but he can’t talk about it or reveal the client’s identity. He keeps his promise; the subject NEVER comes up again. Why bring it up if you’re not going to do anything with it?
The Room is high melodrama gone completely wrong. I got a real kick out of it. This movie is hysterical. The acting is terrible beyond belief. Nobody appears capable of delivering a single line of dialogue convincingly. Not that it matters because the dialogue is equally heinous. Wiseau looks like Christopher Walken’s character from The Prophecy with his pale complexion and long, jet-black hair. What bank would hire a man who looks like this? And is he so dense he can’t see that Lisa is a lying, manipulative bitch capable of anything? She is a master of manipulation who’ll do anything to get her way not caring who she hurts in the process. A blind man could see it, why can’t he? For that matter, what kind of friend is Mark fooling around with his buddy’s fiancee?
There’s so much else wrong with The Room that I can only refer you to its Wikipedia entry. It includes a section about all of the various plot holes and inconsistencies. You never really learn about the true nature of Johnny and Denny’s relationship, but apparently the kid feels comfortable enough to jump into bed with Johnny and Lisa when they are about to have sex. Much too much is made of the fact that Mark shaves off his beard for the upcoming wedding. And why in the hell do the men in the wedding party feel compelled to play football while wearing their tuxedos? I suppose that’s why The Room has developed a cult following. How can you resist a movie this bad? All that’s missing are commercial breaks for housecleaning products.
On the surface, there is absolutely no reason to recommend The Room. It’s bad in every sense of the word. However, it’s the kind of bad that will have you rolling on the floor laughing. On that level, I would say to check it out. Connoisseurs of bad movies will surely love it. Think of Wiseau as a modern-day Ed Wood. The joy with which he made The Room is self-evident. He clearly believes he’s made a work of art. He wouldn’t be the first “artist” to delude himself. That, my friends, is the icing on the cake.
NOTE TO READERS: This review was originally written in 2013.
