Jingle All the Way (1996) 20th Century Fox/Comedy RT: 93 minutes Rated PG (action violence, mild language, thematic elements) Director: Brian Levant Screenplay: Randy Kornfield Music: David Newman Cinematography: Victor J. Kemper Release date: November 22, 1996 (US) Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman, Rita Wilson, Jake Lloyd, Robert Conrad, James Belushi, Martin Mull, E.J. De La Pena, Laraine Newman, Harvey Korman, Richard Moll, Curtis Armstrong, Danny Woodburn, Paul “Big Show” Wight, Daniel Riordan. Box Office: $60.5M (US)/$129.8M (World)
Rating: ***
Who remembers the Cabbage Patch Doll craze of Christmas ’82? I certainly do, the sight of mothers charging through toy stores in a crazed frenzy trying to get their hands on one of the coveted toys still remains in my conscious memory. It appears as though the people who made Jingle All the Way remember the phenomenon as it’s the premise of this amusing and genial family-friendly holiday comedy.
It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger (Kindergarten Cop) as Howard Langston, a workaholic father who spends too little time with his family. Both his wife Liz (Wilson, Mixed Nuts) and young son Jamie (Lloyd, Star Wars: Episode I- The Phantom Menace) have had it with his constant broken promises and his frequent absences from home. After he fails to show up for Jamie’s karate class where he’s to receive his purple belt, the boy doesn’t even want to look at his father. In order to win back his son’s affection, Howard agrees to buy him a Turbo Man action figure for Christmas. Seems simple enough, right? Well, it’s NOT!
There are two major problems with this: (1) it’s the hottest selling toy of the year and none of the stores have any in stock and (2) it’s Christmas Eve and the stores are mobbed with people also trying to obtain this Holy Grail of Christmas gifts. To make things worse, Howard lies to Liz and tells her he bought one several weeks ago when she first mentioned it to him. He has no other choice. He absolutely has to get the toy or risk losing the love and respect of his family because he failed, once again, to keep one of his promises.
Howard faces strong competition from Myron (Sinbad, First Kid), a somewhat deranged mailman who needs to get one for his own son. The two men become bitter rivals as they race around town trying to get their hands on a Turbo Man action figure. Along the way, Howard has several encounters with Officer Hummell (Conrad, The Wild Wild West), a traffic cop who caught him trying to circumvent a traffic jam by driving on the highway’s shoulder at the beginning of the movie.
Meanwhile, Ted (Hartman, Saturday Night Live), the divorced superdad next door, keeps putting the moves on Liz by doing the things an attentive husband/father should do (putting the lights on the house, videotaping Jamie’s karate class). He even buys a live reindeer for the neighborhood children to enjoy. He’s like a horny Ned Flanders without the whole God thing.
In general, Jingle All the Way is a pleasing little comedy, but I must take issue with the underlying message about buying somebody’s love with material goods. It’s like Jamie is saying he’ll only love his father if he gives him a specific object. Is this the lesson people want to impart to their children?
These days, children already have a pretty good grasp of materialism and manipulating their parents into buying them something to compensate for any perceived shortcomings they might have. While I don’t agree with the idea of any parent ignoring their children in favor of their career, it seems rather harsh for children to use emotional blackmail to guilt their parents into buying them things. My philosophy is that when somebody decides to become a parent, it takes top priority over any job! Perhaps Howard deserves all the stress he experiences throughout the movie? Maybe it will teach him a lesson about getting his priorities straight? It’s a pretty cynical viewpoint, especially for a family-oriented, Christmas-themed movie. Sadly, too many parents forget about their family’s needs as they climb the ladder of success and need a severe wake-up call.
Perhaps I’m reading too much into this movie. After all, it’s not much more than a live-action cartoon featuring Schwarzenegger getting the hell kicked out of him as he tries to obtain an impossible-to-get toy to put under the tree. Is the movie funny? Yes, it is…. sporadically. Of course, the humor leans towards the juvenile, but what else would you expect from the man who brought you Problem Child 2 (1991) and Beethoven (1992)? It features plenty of slapstick humor as two grown men attempt to outdo one another in their efforts to obtain one of the precious action figures. It all culminates in a fight to the finish (so to speak) as Howard becomes a human action figure and tries to keep Jamie safe from the maniacal hands of Myron. It all happens right in the middle of the town’s Christmas parade.
Schwarzenegger’s gift for comedy keeps improving. He shows he can make a family movie and not completely alienate his fans. He gets to put his action skills to work in a couple of scenes like when he takes on a bunch of mall Santas who operate a black market counterfeit toy ring out of a warehouse. The ringleader is played by one of his former co-stars, James Belushi (Red Heat) who belts out a heartfelt rendition of “The Little Boy that Santa Claus Forgot” backed up by his fellow Santas. The fight is pretty cool. I’ve never seen a pair of candy cane nunchucks before, but it seems like a pretty good idea. Maybe Santa Claus is a secret bad ass ninja and we don’t know it?
Overall, the filmmakers chose a good cast for Jingle All the Way. Sinbad makes a good nemesis. One could easily believe that this postal worker has gone completely postal (please excuse the expression!). Hartman is perfectly irritating as the too good to be true neighbor. He’s the kind of guy who really calls for a hard kick in the rear end. Conrad is also very good as the merciless traffic cop who always manages to catch Howard doing something that doesn’t look good. In addition, there are cameos by Laraine Newman, Harvey Korman, Martin Mull, Richard Moll, Danny Woodburn, Chris Parnell, Alan Blumenfeld, Amy Pietz, Steve Van Wormer and Curtis Armstrong.
Sure, there’s plenty of focus of the commercialism of Christmas, but that’s an excellent target for a film comedy. Sometimes it reaches such ridiculous lengths that you just have to laugh. Naturally, things are bound to turn out okay and certain people will learn a valuable lesson about family and what Christmas really means. But after all the insanity that we just witnessed, it seems a bit insincere and forced.
However, Jingle All the Way doesn’t require close scrutiny. It’s a comedy that’s supposed to deliver a positive message and a happy ending. Perhaps another filmmaker will make a dark comedy about this very thing. I’d actually like to see a movie that takes a dark comedic approach to toxic consumerism and the idea of parents trying to buy their children a hard-to-get Christmas toy. It would make a very interesting R-rated adult comedy. I’m looking at you, Danny DeVito (Throw Momma from the Train, Death to Smoochy).
