Rare Exports (2010) Oscilloscope/Horror-Comedy RT: 83 minutes Rated R (language, bloody images, frightening moments, full frontal male nudity) Director: Jalmari Helander Screenplay: Jalmari Helander Music: Juri Seppa Cinematography: Mika Orasmaa Release date: December 3, 2010 (US) Cast: Onni Tommila, Jorma Tommila, Tommi Korpela, Rauno Juvonen, Per Christian Ellefsen, Ilmari Jarvenpaa, Peeter Jakobi, Jonathan Hutchings, Risto Salmi, Jens Sivertsen, Sigmund Boe. Box Office: $4M (US) Spoken in Finnish w/English subtitles
Rating: ****
I think the Finnish import Rare Exports might be one of the weirdest Christmas movies I’ve ever seen. No, scratch that. It IS one of the weirdest. I’m not exaggerating. It’s definitely in the top five. It belongs in a museum somewhere. Fortunately, I think weird is a good thing and Rare Exports wears that distinction like a badge of honor.
We’ve already seen Santa Claus as an axe-wielding killer in Silent Night, Deadly Night and a foul-mouthed, alcoholic lowlife in Bad Santa. Now we get to see him as some sort of evil being that punishes naughty children. Based on two short films by writer-director Jalmari Helander (Sisu), Rare Exports is a brilliant blend of horror, action, mythology and dark comedy. It tells a Christmas horror story that completely redefines the man we thought we knew.
The movie opens with an American research team discovering something buried in Korvatunturi, a large fell in Lapland, one head guy Riley (Ellefsen, Elling) describes as “the largest burial mound in the world”. Whatever it is, it can’t be good. Nothing good has ever been buried in ice for thousands of years. Just ask any of the guys from The Thing. Oh yeah, you can’t. They’re all dead!
A group of reindeer herders live right near the mountain and they’re preparing for the annual hunt. It’s their only source of income. They’re horrified when they discover someone or something has mutilated all the reindeer in the area. Young Pietari (Onni Tommila) thinks he knows who’s responsible for the slaughter, but his gruff father Rauno (Jorma Tommila, star of Sisu) has zero patience for his son’s imagination-based theories.
The boy believes the culprit is Santa Claus. We’re not talking about the jolly old fat man depicted in Coke ads, but a malevolent being who tortures the naughty. He and his pal Juuso (Jarvenpaa) overheard the Americans talking about it when they snuck in through a hole in the fence. Pietari’s theory is supported by the sudden unexplained disappearances of the other children in the small, isolated village. None of the adults listen to him. They want to believe the drilling team is responsible for the mutilated reindeer. When they go to the restricted main area to demand compensation, they find it abandoned. That’s when things really get freaky.
Obviously, Rare Exports is a one of a kind Christmas movie. It will appeal to the same crowd that prefers their Yuletide entertainment dark. This one’s extra dark. It could only come from the Nordic region of the world with its snowy landscapes and sense of isolation in both the geographical and emotional sense. Not only that, some of the imagery is unsettling. The reference books Pietari reads through contain pictures depicting a monstrous Santa Claus beating children severely. That is definitely NOT merry.
Rare Exports is original and distinctively foreign. I don’t see any American filmmakers attempting one like this. It’s not going to appeal to mass audiences; it’s the very definition of cult film. Also, it is most definitely NOT a family movie by any definition of the term unless we’re talking about the Addams family (snap snap!). Keep this one out of reach of children.
Another good thing is that the filmmakers don’t drag it out. Rare Exports runs a lean 83 minutes, the perfect amount of time for Helander to tell his macabre tale. The performances feel perfectly natural. Most of the actors are from Finland. Their movies haven’t been widely released in the US, but it seems like they all come from a place like the one depicted in this film. They’re completely believable as people who live far from more populated areas. The bleak setting perfectly corresponds with the tone of the movie similar to the way the frozen landscapes of Sweden augment the emotional ones in Let the Right One In.
Rare Exports plays like somebody’s nightmare. It could only be the product of a warped mind, somebody who doesn’t like traditional Christmas very much. It would be at the top of the Grinch’s must-see list. One could argue it’s a black comedy and they’d have a valid point. It’s funny in a dark way. The final punchline is among the darkest I’ve ever seen or heard.
Obviously, you can count me among the fans of Rare Exports. It’s too strange to dislike. Even my wife, who hates horror movies, thought it was interesting if unusual. Believe me, that counts for a great big something. If you’re feeling fed up with the same old Christmas movies, you will want to check out Rare Exports. It’s the farthest thing from a Hallmark movie you’ll ever find. It’ll appeal to everybody’s inner Grinch.
