Tourist Trap (1979) Compass International/Horror RT: 85 minutes Rated PG (violence) Director: David Schmoeller Screenplay: David Schmoeller and J. Larry Carroll Music: Pino Donaggio Cinematography: Nicholas von Sternberg Release date: March 16, 1979 (US) Cast: Chuck Connors, Jocelyn Jones, Jon Van Ness, Robin Sherwood, Tanya Roberts, Dawn Jeffory, Keith McDermott, Shailar Coby. Box Office: N/A
Rating: * ½
The horror movie Tourist Trap is a boring mess. If only I could leave my review at that. Well, I could but that would be as lazy as David Schmoeller’s (Crawlspace) directing in this moronic mishmash of ideas from House of Wax, Psycho, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Carrie. There are also creepy mannequins. It might have worked if the narrative wasn’t such a mess and it wasn’t so dull and the acting wasn’t so terrible and it was actually scary but it is, it is, it is and it’s not.
I know that Tourist Trap has its fans who praise its weirdness and creepy atmosphere and whatever else. To me, it’s a collection of clichés and poorly lit scenes where you can barely make out what’s going on. Its PG rating prevents it from showing graphic violence and nudity thus depriving it of two essential components of slasher flicks. It says very little about the actors that the mannequins turn in livelier performances. Well, all but one. The movie’s sole saving race is a wonderfully weird campy performance from Chuck Connors (The Rifleman) as the creepy guy terrorizing the one-dimensional characters. Other than that, Tourist Trap has nothing to offer.
A group of young travelers find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere after both vehicles they’re riding in break down. One of them, Woody (McDermott, Without a Trace), has already disappeared. In the opening scene, he walks to an abandoned gas station where he’s attacked and killed by the aforementioned creepy mannequin. The remaining youngsters- Molly (Jones, The Enforcer), Jerry (Ness, Ruckus), Eileen (Sherwood, Death Wish II) and Becky (Roberts, Charlie’s Angels)- try to make the best of things. Jerry tries to fix the car while the girls go skinny-dipping in a nearby lake. That’s when they encounter Connors’ character Mr. Slausen, the owner of a cheesy roadside wax museum that fell victim to a highway that totally obliterated the tourist trade in the area. He offers to help them fix the car, but they have to come with him to his house to get his tools. That’s when the nightmare begins, theirs and ours.
I’m not quite sure how to go about describing what proceeds in Tourist Trap. It’s a bunch of crazy stuff involving mannequins that appear to be alive, a masked killer who might be Slausen’s disturbed brother and telekinesis. It’s confusing enough that Schmoeller introduces a character, a captive named Tina (Jeffory of The Kid Super Power Hour with Shazam!), for the sole purpose of explaining to the others (and to us) what’s going on. It doesn’t help, not at all.
Like I said, the only good thing about Tourist Trap is Connors, one of many older Hollywood actors who took roles in dreck like this to show studio execs they’re still alive and willing to work. Although outwardly friendly, this guy’s clearly a crackpot of the Norman Bates variety. He’s a deadly spider luring victims into his web of murder, insanity and plaster. Again, this might have been fun if done with a hint of style or coherence. You can see it in scenes of Slausen playing with dolls or dancing with a mannequin that resembles his dead wife. That it “resembles” his dead wife is a dead giveaway of a major plot point. Schmoeller doesn’t even try to inject a single element of surprise into the dull affair that goes on way too long even at 85 minutes. Scenes, like Woody’s demise, go on longer than necessary. There are long, uneventful stretches made worse by poor lighting. Even the score by the usually reliable Pino Donaggio, a frequent Brian De Palma collaborator whose (better) work can be heard in Carrie, Dressed to Kill, Blow Out and Body Double, isn’t up to par. The opening theme music is more suited to a goofy comedy than a horror show.
Schmoeller took the director’s seat after John Carpenter, fresh from the success of Halloween, passed on the project. One can only imagine what he would have done with Tourist Trap. It definitely would have been a better movie. It actually has the makings of a decent scary movie, but Schmoeller botches it along with the rest of the cast (except Connors, of course) and crew. The only other point of interest here is Tanya Roberts in an early role. Sure, she’s easy on the eyes, but she can’t act. She’s terrible in Tourist Trap, but no worse than any of her co-stars.
Everybody is entitled to his or her own opinion. I’ve spoken with people who think Tourist Trap is great. More power to them. Film, like all art, is subjective. It’s a matter of trash vs. treasure. You can guess where I think Tourist Trap belongs. Don’t fall into this trap, just keep passing by.
