Eternals (2021) Marvel/Action-Adventure-Sci-Fi RT: 157 minutes Rated PG-13 (fantasy action and violence, some language, brief sexuality) Director: Chloe Zhao Screenplay: Chloe Zhao, Patrick Burleigh, Ryan Firpo and Kaz Firpo Music: Ramin Djawadi Cinematography: Ben Davis Release date: November 5, 2021 (US) Cast: Gemma Chan, Richard Madden, Kumail Nanjiani, Lia McHugh, Brian Tyree Henry, Lauren Ridloff, Barry Keoghan, Don Lee, Harish Patel, Kit Harington, Salma Hayek, Angelina Jolie, Bill Skarsgard (voice), David Kaye (voice), Haaz Sleiman, Esai Daniel Cross. Box Office: $164.9M (US)/$402.1M (World)
Rating: **
I knew it would happen sooner or later. I wish it hadn’t, but it did. Marvel finally overplays their hand with Eternals, the latest installment in the ever-expanding Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s dull, dreary, convoluted and with a run time of 157 minutes, it feels like it goes on for an eternity.
Before I get into the film’s multiple problems, I’m going to provide background info on the Marvel property. I wasn’t aware of the comic book until recently, around the time I first saw the trailer for the movie adaptation. The Eternals are a race of immortal beings from a planet called Olympia. They were created by the Celestials, essentially the rulers of the universe, and sent to Earth circa 5000 B.C. Their mission is to protect mankind from the Deviants, hideous alien creatures that attack and kill. They are not allowed to interfere with human affairs under any circumstances. They’ve been hanging around for the past 7000 years fighting Deviants and waiting for their leader Arishem to call them home.
There are ten Eternals including team leader Ajak (Hayek, Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard), each one endowed with a specific special power. They might not age, but they’re not immune from personal drama. Two of them, Sersi (Chan, previously seen in the MCU in Captain Marvel) and Ikaris (Madden, Game of Thrones), are a couple. Sprite (McHugh, The Lodge), who looks like she’s about 13, has a crush on Ikaris. There’s also an unspoken thing between mind manipulator Druig (Keoghan, Dunkirk) and super-speedy Makkari (deaf actress Ridloff).
They thought they killed the last of the Deviants in the 16th century. That’s when they all go their own separate ways, settling in different parts of the world. Sersi and Ikaris split up as well. After a new Deviant pops up in London, Ikaris returns just in time to help Sersi and Sprite fight it off. Faced with impending annihilation, Ikaris decides it’s time to get the band back together.
You know what, let’s just cut right to the chase. They have to stop something called “The Emergence”, a cataclysmic event involving the birth of a new Celestial at the expense of all life on earth. First, they have to reunite the team. That’s where Eternals hits a snag. A great deal of the movie consists of Sersi, Ikaris and Sprite tracking down their old colleagues and convincing them to fight alongside them again. With this comes exposition, a lot of exposition. It pretty much slows the movie to a crawl when it doesn’t stop it altogether. The most ironic thing is with all the exposition, there’s a curious lack of character development.
There are a lot of problems with Eternals starting with its slow and clunky pace. There’s just too much talking. It doesn’t get much better when we finally get to see some superhero action. All of it is old hat. The fight scenes are tired and flat; the effects are hardly special. It’s all been done before and better. The only praiseworthy aspect is the visuals. Some of them are quite striking even if a pallor of gloom hangs over the entire film.
As for the story, it’s a mess. It’s ambitious in its efforts at building a new world within the MCU, but it fails where other Marvel movies succeed- e.g. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. It’s all over the place in terms of narrative and time. It shifts between time periods so many times, you keep waiting for our heroes to bump into Connor MacLeod at some point. And why not? The movie’s structure shows the director obviously has a thing for Highlander. Therein lies its next problem. Chloe Zhao, winner of last year’s Best Director Oscar, is clearly out of her comfort zone here. She’s used to small-scale, intimate dramas like The Rider and Best Picture winner Nomadland. She doesn’t do a terrible job with Eternals, but putting her at the wheel of a movie this big is like asking a grade schooler to take the SATs. She’s just not ready for such a daunting challenge.
The acting isn’t terrible either (the dialogue, on the other hand, is). It’s not bad at all, in fact. Nanjiani (The Big Sick) is amusing as Kingo, an Eternal who’s now a huge Bollywood star. He joins the mission with his sycophant manager (Patel) who’s never without a camera. Angelina Jolie (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider) is pretty good as Thena who can form weapons out of cosmic energy. She’s left mentally unstable after being zapped by a Deviant. Eternals has a good cast, but nobody actually stands out.
I’ll give Eternals credit for being unusually inclusive. One of the heroes, brilliant inventor Phastos (Henry, Godzilla vs. Kong), is gay. Makkari has the honor of being the MCU’s first deaf superhero. Plus, there’s an actual sex scene (kept within the bounds of PG-13, of course), a first in the series’ history.
Aside from these details, Eternals is a case of same-old, same-old. I wanted to enjoy it, but I didn’t. I was mostly bored by it. Also, it’s not fun like the other Marvel movies. It’s too self-serious. When it tries to be fun, it feels markedly forced. Overall, Eternals left me feeling cold and disoriented. I wasn’t sure what I just witnessed. The girl my wife overheard in the ladies room afterwards sums it up most succinctly; she said to her friend, “What the f*** was that?” Yep, I’d like to know wtf too.
P.S. There are two bonus scenes, one mid-credits and one at the very end.
