Joy of Sex (1984) Paramount/Comedy RT: 93 minutes Rated R (language, brief nudity, sexual content/conversation, crude humor) Director: Martha Coolidge Screenplay: Kathleen Rowell and J.J. Salter Music: Bishop Holiday, Scott Lipsker and Harold Payne Cinematography: Charles Correll Release date: August 3, 1984 (US) Cast: Cameron Dye, Michelle Meyrink, Colleen Camp, Ernie Hudson, Lisa Langlois, Charles Van Eman, Joanne Baron, Darren Dalton, Heidi Holicker, Cristen Kauffman, David H. MacDonald, Paul Tulley, Joe Unger, Christopher Lloyd, Conni Marie Brazelton, D.W. Brown, Randy Lowell (as “Randolph Dreyfuss”), Miguel A. Nunez Jr., Robert Prescott, Danton Stone, Terry Wagner-Otis, Carol Ita White. Box Office: $4.4M (US)
Rating: **
There are so many ways to preface my review of the teen sex comedy Joy of Sex. I’m at a loss where to begin. Paramount had a hell of a time getting it off the ground once it acquired the rights. At one time, Penny Marshall, John Hughes and John Belushi were connected to the project as director, writer and star respectively. Obviously, none of that happened. It actually began life as National Lampoon’s Joy of Sex, but the infamous humor magazine (which folded in ’98) had its name removed after viewing the finished product. Paramount officially fired director Martha Coolidge soon after completion because she removed most of the gratuitous nudity. Her name remains in the credits because she declined to use the usual pseudonym “Alan Smithee”. Joy of Sex received unanimous bad reviews and played for only a week before being pulled from distribution. I didn’t get to see it until I rented it in late ’86.
What does all of this mean? It’s usually indicative of a really bad movie and Joy of Sex is no exception. This one is bad on many levels. It’s one thing to try to adapt a book described as unfilmable- e.g. Naked Lunch by David Cronenberg. With Joy of Sex, we’re talking about a sex manual. While supposedly based on the infamous 1972 sex manual by Alex Comfort, the only reference to it is when the male protagonist is shown looking through it at the beginning of the movie. That’s a relatively minor problem compared to the bigger picture. The title Joy of Sex is a misnomer. There’s hardly any sex in the movie aside from a few botched attempts at it. It’s talked about a lot, but that’s all it is, talk. The characters make it sound like more of a chore than a pleasurable activity; that takes care of the joy part. As for nudity, forget about it. There’s none of the T&A one expects from a teen sex comedy. Had I seen it at the movies, I would have felt cheated. 16YO Movie Guy 24/7 would have asked “Where’s the boobs?” right there in the theater.
Every character in Joy of Sex has sex on the brain. It’s the only subject discussed at any great length. The plot, such as it is, centers on the only two virgins at Richard M. Nixon High School, Leslie (Meyrink, Real Genius) and Alan (Dye, Valley Girl). They’re desperately looking to change their status. It’s going to be difficult in Leslie’s case because she’s the daughter of the school’s tough phys ed coach (Lloyd, Back to the Future) known and feared for his overprotectiveness of his girls. For reasons I won’t bother going into, she becomes convinced she has only three months to live. Her determination to not die a virgin leads to several embarrassing sexual encounters. One episode has her making out with her date in a cemetery. They’re parked near an open grave. I think you can put together how it ends.
Alan listens as his friends incessantly brag about their sexual conquests. They’re the usual collection of idiots and gross degenerates. When will it be his turn at bat? He too experiences a few awkward sexual situations. What are the odds he and Leslie will hook up by movie’s end? HA! Is that, like, a real question? That’s the basic plot of this horny teenager comedy. It’s really not that much different from other movies of its ilk.
By way of keeping things interesting, there are a number of subplots running through Joy of Sex. None of them are developed beyond a few scenes apiece. New principal Mr. Porter (Hudson, Ghostbusters), an authoritarian who tries to run the school like Marine boot camp, is out to catch the “Wacky Glue Bandit”, a prankster that uses the product for such creative endeavors like gluing a urinal to the principal’s office door. A new student (Camp, Valley Girl), who turns out to be an undercover narc, develops a crush on Alan. Question, how does every member of the student body NOT know she’s a narc? She looks like she’s about 30. How clueless are these kids? Has their preoccupation with sex robbed them of IQ points?
One of Alan’s friends (Eman, Days of Our Lives) is hosting a foreign exchange student named Farouk (Stone, Band of the Hand). He comes from some unnamed Arabic country. Naturally, he misunderstands American customs. When somebody tells him “give me five”, he hands him a five-dollar bill. Meek biology teacher Miss Post (Baron, Valley Girl) is infatuated with the reproductive systems of all lifeforms. She sounds positively orgasmic as she lectures the class about this subject. When Porter expels a pregnant student, Leslie turns activist in campaigning for her reacceptance. She goes so far as to almost “do it” with a horny TV news reporter (Tulley, Real Genius) who promises to use his influence to get the girl reinstated in return.
There’s no lack of clichés in Joy of Sex either. From the older brother who’s an expert on sex to the bratty little sister, not to mention the endless parade of clueless adults, everybody and everything is present and accounted for. It even ends with a big school dance where fate finally intervenes and pushes the two virgins towards a solution to their dilemma. No teen sex comedy from the 80s would be complete without a fair amount of gross humor. Some of Alan’s friends form a club called the “Blue Lighters” where they sit around lighting their farts. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? If you answered in the affirmative, let me assure you that you’re entirely alone in this.
Joy of Sex pretty much covers all the bases and conventions of the genre. It should be better than it is with a talented director like Coolidge at the helm. Simply put, it’s a mess. The narrative is choppy and episodic. The whole of it has a disconnected feel that can only be the result of last-minute post-production tampering by worried studio execs. Also, it’s not as funny as one would like. Many of the jokes fall flat on their face. I myself chuckled a mere handful of times. I don’t blame Coolidge for how Joy of Sex turned out. Her resume, which includes teen classics like Valley Girl and Real Genius, proves her capability. No, this one is the fault of the powers that be at Paramount.
The sole saving grace of Joy of Sex is Meyrink, a most engaging young actress. She’s always a delight when playing lovable dorkettes. Her character deserves a better movie. Dye isn’t too bad as Alan either. The usually hilarious Lloyd embarrasses himself as a hovering dad quite vocal about protecting his daughters from the opposite sex by all means necessary. I have to be honest, a couple of adult characters in Joy of Sex are just plain creepy like the pediatrician who examines Leslie in an early scene. He seems a little too interested in looking at her breasts. Would you send your kids to this guy? I should hope not.
One of the biggest drawbacks of being a critic is feeling torn over how to rate a movie. Sadly, that’s what I’m feeling about Joy of Sex. I know I should hate it. It’s badly made and not very funny. It has no style or substance. It touches on relevant subjects like teen pregnancy and safe sex without really saying anything. Worst of all, it doesn’t give us a relationship worth caring about until the last few minutes. Wouldn’t it have been nice to put Leslie and Alan together earlier and show their romance develop to the point of wanting to have sex? Joy of Sex never takes itself seriously enough to consider such things. It has a dirty mind much like the audience for which it’s clearly intended, high school sophomores and dirty old men obsessed with teen girls.
At the same time, I can’t bring myself to hate Joy of Sex. It takes me back to my own teen years when I actively sought out movies like Porky’s, Screwballs and Private School and watched them multiple times in order to memorize the dirty parts. It’s dirty-minded alright. Almost everybody in it is a horny pervert to some degree. Its IQ lies securely in the lower double-digits. Still, I can’t help but feel a minute amount of affection for it as a relic of bygone era when it was okay to be a horny, hormone-driven teen. Now they send you to counseling and sensitivity training. At least we still have 80s teen sex comedies…. for now.
