Sword of the Valiant (1984) Cannon/Action-Adventure-Fantasy RT: 102 minutes Rated PG (violence) Director: Stephen Weeks Screenplay: Stephen Weeks, Philip M. Breen and Howard C. Pen Music: Ron Geesin Cinematography: Peter Hurst and Freddie Young Release date: November 30, 1984 (Philadelphia, PA) Cast: Miles O’Keefe, Cyrielle Clair, Leigh Lawson, Sean Connery, Trevor Howard, Peter Cushing, Ronald Lacey, Lila Kedrova, John Rhys-Davies, Wilfrid Brambell, Bruce Lidington, Douglas Wilmer, Brian Coburn, David Rappaport, Emma Sutton, Thomas Heathcote, John Serret, Mike Edmonds. Box Office: N/A
Rating: ***
Let me begin by acknowledging that Sword of the Valiant is a very loose adaptation of the 14th century poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. It stays kind of close in the beginning and end parts, but the middle section is a totally different story. It’s directed by Stephen Weeks who took a crack at the tale a decade earlier with Gawain and the Green Knight. If this second version is supposed to be an improvement, I might just have to seek out the first one. I find it hard to believe it could be worse than one bearing the Golan-Globus seal of approval. That’s right, Sword of the Valiant is a Cannon film. Fans won’t be disappointed as it’s as cheap and cheesy as their other titles. PLUS, it stars Miles O’Keefe, that great non-thespian of the 80s and star of non-non-classics Tarzan the Ape Man and Ator, the Fighting Eagle. What more could a bad movie junkie ask for?
I didn’t see Sword of the Valiant at the movies, but I remember the weekend it opened quite well. I really had to pick and choose my viewing selections as I had several options and limited availability. After much debate, I went with the New World breakdance extravaganza Body Rock and the re-issue of A Christmas Story which I missed in its initial run the year before. I had to forgo the long version of Sergio Leone’s Once Upon a Time in America in addition to Sword of the Valiant. It felt slightly awkward as I generally didn’t pass up sword-and-sorcery flicks, not even PG ones. I tried to watch it on cable about a year later and fell asleep on it. Over the years, I tried to rewatch it, but never made it all the way through. I finally accomplished that goal this past week when I watched in preparation for the new film adaptation The Green Knight opening this weekend.
The Arthurian tale opens at a huge feast in a great hall around the holidays. The unnamed king (Howard, The Third Man) commands an end to the festivities until one of his knights can prove he’s still worthy of the honor. Opportunity presents itself in the form of an uninvited guest, the Green Knight (ex-James Bond Sean Connery), who enters the palace on horseback carrying a large axe. Talk about making an entrance! He challenges any man present to come forth, take his axe and chop his head off. When nobody steps up, the disgusted king says he’ll do it himself. A young squire named Gawain (O’Keefe) comes forward and accepts the challenge in the king’s place.
You know the saying “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is”? It definitely applies here. It’s true that the Green Knight will not try to defend himself while the newly knighted Sir Gawain goes for his neck, but there’s a small caveat. If he’s still able afterwards, he has the right to do the same to Gawain. This is the “too good to be true” part. Gawain beheads the knight who walks over to his severed head and puts it back on. He then informs Gawain that he will wait a year to claim his part of the bargain.
It’s here that Sword of the Valiant alters course and deviates from its source. Not wanting to leave Gawain completely without hope, the Green Knight gives him a riddle to solve. If he does, his life will be spared. Gawain then sets out on a quest with his squire Humphrey (Lawson, Tess) to find some answers. After a weird encounter with the evil sorceress Morgan La Fay (Sutton, Lucifer [NOT the TV series]), Gawain ends up in the lost city of Lyonesse where he’s saved from certain death by the beautiful Linet (Clair, La Belle Captive) who gives him a magic ring that renders him invisible (among other things). She’s what’s commonly known as the love interest.
During his travels, Sir Gawain encounters several interesting characters including pickpocket turned friar Vosper (Coburn, Fiddler on the Roof), a diminutive sage (Rappaport, Time Bandits), lustful Prince Oswald (Lacey, Raiders of the Lost Ark), his psychopathic father (Davies, Raiders of the Lost Ark) and their seneschal Gaspar (Cushing, Star Wars). They all play a part in his quest leading to his final confrontation with the Green Knight.
Sword of the Valiant is screwy in so many ways. Its main star Miles O’Keefe is one of the worst actors to disgrace the silver screen. He’s as wooden as they come. He could be replaced by a cardboard cutout and nobody would know the difference. He proves these allegations beyond a shadow of a doubt with his lifeless interpretation of Sir Gawain. Don’t even get me started on the ridiculous wig. If he seems worse here, it’s only because he’s surrounded by great actors like Connery, Howard, Cushing and Lila Kedrova (Torn Curtain) as the “Lady of Lyonesse”. Connery, who’s in it for maybe 10 minutes total, plays it like a pro. He adds a small measure of dignity to the dopey proceedings. Lacey camps it up as the villain of the piece while Davies shamelessly overacts as a depraved ruler. French actress Clair is merely eye candy. Her performance isn’t much, but she’s nice to look at. What’s good here is that most of the cast appears to be in on the joke. They know Sword of the Valiant is trash and try to have fun with it anyway.
One of the biggest questions I have about Sword of the Valiant concerns the final scene. WTAF? That’s the ending you went with? It’s FREAKING WEIRD! And it’s abrupt too. You expect something else to happen, but the end credits roll instead. Oh well, I Suppose it’s par for the course with this oddball flick that barely establishes a connection with King Arthur. The only direct connection is the character of Morgan La Fay, Arthur’s half-sister, and she gets turned into a frog.
Sword of the Valiant is a total cheeseball movie with dippy dialogue, bad special effects and fight scenes that make the ones in Monty Python and the Holy Grail look authentic. It looks like the actors had all of 30 minutes of medieval combat training before the cameras rolled. It’s the kind of movie that used to show up on UHF channels on Sunday afternoons. It’s bad, but the great kind of bad. It’s a mess, but the watchable kind. It’s entertaining as long as you keep expectations low and I mean LOW. Don’t forget, it’s from the same studio that gave us two Allan Quatermain movies and the Superman movie that killed the franchise. Get the picture? Good.
