Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978) Universal/Musical RT: 112 minutes Rated PG (mildly suggestive material, brief drug use) Director: Michael Schultz Screenplay: Henry Edwards Music: The Beatles Cinematography: Owen Rolzman Release date: July 24, 1978 (US) Cast: Peter Frampton, The Bee Gees (Barry, Robin and Maurice Gibb), Frankie Howerd, George Burns, Paul Nicholas, Sandy Farina, Donald Pleasence, Steve Martin, Alice Cooper, Earth, Wind & Fire, Billy Preston, Stargard, Carel Struyken, Woodrow Chambliss. Box Office: $12.9M (US)/$20.3M (World)
Rating: *
You would think that a musical based on the songs of the Fab Four would have to be awesome, but director Michael Schultz (Krush Groove) and company prove otherwise with this $18 million musical gobbler. Based primarily on the Beatles’ best-selling 1967 album, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band manages to disappoint on so many levels that a scorecard may be required when viewing it. I’ve watched it a few times over the years and it never fails to amaze me how closely it resembles a nightmare. What makes it all the worse is that there are a few decent scenes scattered throughout; however, they only serve to underscore how badly the rest of the film stinks.
The 1978 misfire is what’s known as a “jukebox musical” meaning it uses previously released songs as its musical score. In Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, you’ll hear songs from the title album AND 1969’s Abbey Road covered by other artists, NOT The Beatles. Standing in for the Fab Four are rocker Peter Frampton and disco kings The Bee Gees, hot off the success of Saturday Night Fever. There’s no questioning their musical abilities, they’re all very skilled in that department. Their acting skills, on the other hand, are highly questionable. A possible answer to that non-burning question might lie in the fact that Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is almost completely dialogue-free, a device that spares us the agony of watching the musicians try and fail to deliver their lines in a believable manner. Instead, the songs and narration by George Burns’ character drive the plot forward. It’s a bumpy ride at best. It sputters and stalls so much that the viewer is bound to lose interest by the time it finally reaches the finish line.
So what is Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band about? In a movie like this, what difference does it make? Nobody shows up for the story; they’re there for the music. What else would you expect from an audience comprised mainly of preteen girls who’ve already seen Grease multiple times?
It should come as no surprise that Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is utterly ludicrous even for a lightweight summer musical aimed at teens and tweens. It opens by explaining that it was the music of Sgt. Pepper and his Lonely Hearts Club Band that finally ended the war to end all wars (aka WWI). Hailed as a hero back in his hometown of Heartland, USA, they erect a monument in his honor. It’s a weather vane atop City Hall that always points the way to happiness. At the ceremony (in the 50s), an elderly Sgt. Pepper (Chambliss) is supposed to play one last time, but collapses dead on stage after playing just a few notes. He bequeaths his magical instruments- his signature coronet as well as a drum, tuba and saxophone- to the town of Heartland. It’s also his wish that his nephew, Billy Shears (Frampton), take over as leader and form a new band. He chooses his three best friends, brothers Mark (Barry Gibb), Dave (Robin Gibb) and Bob Henderson (Maurice Gibb). Billy’s greedy half-brother Dougie (singer Nicholas) acts as their manager.
One day, they receive a telegram from shady record executive B.D. (Big Deal) Hoffler (Pleasence, Halloween) to come to Hollywood and become famous. Oddly enough, the logo for Big Deal records very closely resembles the one for RSO Records. On second thought, maybe it’s not so odd as RSO founder Robert Stigwood also produced this fiasco. The boys head off to Hollywood in a hot air balloon (I’ve heard of travelling by air, but this is ridiculous) but soon end up in a plane right after a mid-air collision. Their one-week rise from obscurity to fame begins right after they sign the record contract.
Meanwhile back in Heartland, Mean Mr. Mustard (Howerd, The Ladykillers) rolls into town on a bus decked out with a talking computer and robotic servants. He receives orders from FVB (Future Villain Band) headquarters to steal the magical instruments and distribute them to various nefarious individuals. Heartland falls apart without the instruments thus allowing Mustard to take over and turn the once clean-cut Midwest town into a PG version of Times Square/Skid Row.
Billy’s girlfriend, Strawberry Fields (singer Farina in her one and only acting gig), takes a bus to Hollywood to inform the boys of the situation. They leave mid-recording session to save their beloved hometown. They steal Mustard’s bus and hack into the computer to learn where the instruments went. Their road trip takes them to a medical institute run by Dr. Maxwell (Martin, The Jerk) and a religious cult overseen by Father Sun (rock musician Cooper) where they retrieve the coronet and the sax respectively. After a brief return to Heartland for a benefit concert, the boys go back on the road to chase Mustard and his hulking assistant Brute (Struyken, The Addams Family) after they steal back their bus containing the recovered instruments. Also on board is Dougie who’s stolen all the proceeds from the benefit.
They all end up at FVB headquarters where they do battle with the villainous band (Aerosmith). SPOILER ALERT! The outcome leaves Billy severely depressed. He decides to end it all by jumping off a building. Suddenly, the weather vane comes to life (in the form of funk singer Billy Preston) and freezes Billy mid-air. Now this is one of my favorite parts of the movie. Preston does a funky rendition of “Get Back” as he points his finger and magically makes everything right again. It’s a pretty good number. The movie ends (at last!) on a high note as the main cast members join voices with about 400 other celebrities in a reprise of the title song. I LOVE THIS PART! It’s fun to play “Spot the Celebrity” here. The special guests include Wolfman Jack, Tina Turner, Leif Garrett, Connie Stevens, Jose Feliciano, Johnny Winter, Carol Channing, Sha-Na-Na, Frankie Valli, Dr. John, Curtis Mayfield, and Barry Humphries (in full drag as alter-ego Dame Edna Everage).
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is narrated by Heartland mayor Mr. Kite (Burns) who sings a not too bad cover of “Fixing a Hole”. Steve Martin, in a part that prefigures his role as the sadistic dentist in the 1986 musical Little Shop of Horrors, does a humorous version of “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”. When Billy and the brothers Henderson return to Heartland, they bring an entire circus with them as they belt out “Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite”. The boys also do a decent version of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band/With A Little Help from My Friends” in the movie’s opening minutes. There, I’ve just given you the only scenes worth looking at in this musical disaster. If not for them, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band would be completely worthless. As it stands, it’s only mostly worthless.
I’ve stated categorically how bad a movie Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is, yet I wouldn’t go so far as saying that it’s completely unwatchable. It’s watchable on the level of a natural catastrophe unfolding before your eyes. It plays like a two-hour commercial for a theme park destined to fail within a year of opening. It staggers the mind that Universal sunk so much money into this colossal stinker. It’s definitely one of the biggest wastes of money and talent of ALL TIME! Producer Stigwood most likely felt the sting of this mega-failure right in the ego, especially after the success of Grease earlier that summer and Saturday Night Fever the previous year. The only consolation is that the double album went multi-platinum. It’s an okay soundtrack that also features Alice Cooper (“Because”), Earth, Wind and Fire (“Got to Get You Into My Life”), and Stargard (“Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”). Of course, NONE come even close to comparing with the original versions.
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is laughable in how foolish the whole thing is. It’s pretty much one stupid scene after another featuring the leads (I hesitate to call any member of this Flubbed Four an actor) jumping around and making broad gestures. It’s debatable whether or not this is worse than giving them dialogue. Some of the numbers, like any featuring the talking robots, are really annoying. One of the weirdest scenes has Billy fighting Dr. Maxwell with silver canes that emit sparks when they collide. It looks almost exactly like a light saber fight except Luke Skywalker could easily take down both of these clowns at the same time.
The production design is gaudy, the sets are tacky, and the choreography is clumsy at best. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band makes other bad musicals (Xanadu, Can’t Stop the Music) look better by comparison. Watch the aforementioned good parts and fast-forward through the rest of it. A true 70s musical turkey! I just LOVE to hate this one!
