Sheena (1984) Columbia/Action-Adventure-Drama RT: 117 minutes Rated PG (nudity, violence, language) Director: John Guillermin Screenplay: Lorenzo Semple Jr. and Leslie Stevens Music: Richard Hartley Cinematography: Pasqualino De Santis Release date: August 17, 1984 (US) Cast: Tanya Roberts, Ted Wass, Donovan Scott, Elizabeth of Toro, France Zobda, Trevor Thomas, Clifton Jones, John Forgeham, Errol John, Sylvester Williams, Bob Sherman, Michael Shannon, Nancy Paul, Kathryn Gant, Kirsty Lindsay. Box Office: $5.7M (US)
Rating: ***
Sheena, based on the comic book character Sheena, Queen of the Jungle from the 1930s, came out the same summer the MPAA introduced the PG-13 rating. As you know, it was in response to parents’ complaints that some movies- e.g. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins- contained content that merited more than a PG rating. At the same time, they didn’t quite meet the standards for an R. An in-between rating was needed. Enter the new PG-13 rating. I am astonished that Sheena wasn’t given this rating given the amount of nudity in it. Certain scenes featuring star Tanya Roberts look more like a photo shoot for Playboy magazine. Sheena may very well go down in cinematic history as the first (and only) PG-rated softcore flick.
How should I describe Sheena? I could keep it simple and say she’s a female Tarzan. It’s accurate but hardly imaginative. No, I need a hook here. Let me see. Okay, I got it. She’s the sexiest blonde to swing through the jungle on a vine since Bo Derek rode Tarzan’s vine (and Tarzan) in 1981’s Tarzan the Ape Man. Oh yes, that will do very nicely. Now that I have your attention, let’s talk about Sheena the movie.
After her parents are killed in a mountain cave-in while searching for the source of “healing earth” in Tigora (a fictional African country), their orphaned daughter is determined to be the fulfillment of a prophecy that states a child of the gods will come forth to lead the Zambouli tribe. Renamed Sheena, she’s adopted by the tribe’s Shaman (Ugandan model Elizabeth of Toro) who teaches her the ways of the jungle including how to telepathically communicate with animals. She grows into a beautiful woman who rides around on a zebra protecting the jungle from outsiders.
Meanwhile, there’s treachery afoot in the country’s upper echelons. It seems that Prince Otwani (Thomas, Horror Planet) is planning a palace coup to overthrow his brother King Jabalani (Jones, Space: 1999) who he plans to have assassinated. He wants to mine the hell out of sacred Zambouli land including the “healing earth” for titanium. He’s in league with Jabalani’s treacherous fiancee Countess Zanda (Zobda). Sensing imminent danger, Shaman makes her way to the city only to be arrested and later framed for the assassination by Zambouli arrow. She’s sent to a prison compound to await execution by hanging.
Otwani’s plan threatens to come to light when American sports reporter Vic Casey (Wass, Curse of the Pink Panther) spots something strange on the footage shot by his cameraman Fletch (Scott, Police Academy) right before the murder. Vic, an old friend of the prince’s, was invited to Tigora to interview Otwani about a 68-yard field goal he kicked while playing professional American football. It looks like he found an even bigger story than anticipated. He and Fletch head to the prison to interview Shaman and arrive just in time to witness a jail break orchestrated by Sheena with the help of a few friends, an elephant and two playful chimps. She saves Shaman and returns to the jungle with Vic following them.
Not wanting anything or anyone to interfere with his nefarious plan, Otwani heads into the jungle with an army of mercenary soldiers led by Colonel Jorgensen (Forgeham, 1969’s The Italian Job) that he brought in to wipe out the Zamboulis. He wants to kill Vic and capture Sheena, on the run after Shaman dies but not before she gives Sheena a bit of final advice regarding Vic that basically amounts to “go for it”. As they try to reach safety, they naturally fall in love. This is helped, in no small part, by Vic watching in shock as Sheena bathes completely naked right in front of him. She grew up in the jungle; what does she know about modesty?
If it sounds like I’m making Sheena sound better than it is, it’s only because it is. It’s better than the reputation it’s gotten since it bombed in theaters in August ’84 anyway. It came and went in a week; yours truly didn’t even get a chance to see it before it was pulled. I may not have enjoyed it when I finally saw it the following summer on video, but that’s only because I didn’t yet understand its value as a bad movie classic. Sheena is the kind of bad movie that only a true bad movie lover can appreciate. Whereas most viewers dismiss it as a failure, a select few (myself included) think it’s a gem. In the right frame of mind, it’s a great deal of fun.
It’s hard to say which is worse, the horrible acting or the terrible dialogue with which they’ve been saddled. Roberts, who also bared her body in the goofy 1982 sword-and-sorcery flick The Beastmaster (also PG), goes around with a spaced-out look on her face and an animal skin bikini that barely covers parts she gladly displays a few times. With her tanned bod and perfectly coiffed hair, she looks more like somebody that just stepped off a California beach than out of a jungle in deep, dark Africa. There’s no question about Roberts being gorgeous and sexy. The issue is her lack of acting skills. She speaks her lines in a manner that recalls the blonde airhead character from a racy TV sitcom from the late 70s. The only difference is that Roberts takes herself seriously when she says things like “Turn your minds back, oh my people! Remember yourselves a thousand, thousand moons ago! Bring your bows!” when getting tribe members pumped up for battle at the end. Another priceless line- “The head man’s locust bean cakes, they will be your locust bean cakes! His fermented buffalo milk will be your fermented buffalo milk!” She says this as she and Vic approach her village. It’s his bad luck there’s not a single fast food burger place for thousands of miles. BTW, Roberts’ bad acting is one of the movie’s high points.
Wass is equally bad as Vic, a fellow with antiquated ideas about gender and equality judging by the way he takes charge within minutes of arriving in the jungle Sheena’s lived in her entire life. He spends most of the movie pulling her out of harm’s way which consists mainly of machine gunfire from soldiers in armored vehicles and helicopters. Wass delivers a flat performance. He’s not really movie star material. He gets some pitiful dialogue as well like when he talks of the cons of bringing her to civilization where they’ll put “stiff hides on her feet”. Elizabeth of Toro at least brings a note of dignity to her role. She has a commanding presence whenever she’s on screen; it’s too bad she exits the picture early. The villains are stock characters- the scheming prince, the complicit girlfriend and the vicious mercenary. The actors could have at least camped it up a bit.
The best performances in Sheena come from the animal actors even though it couldn’t be more obvious that Sheena’s zebra is actually a horse painted to look like a zebra. You don’t need a degree in zoology to know that zebras and horses make completely different sounds. This is just one of the movie’s demented charms. I will grant that the scenery and cinematography are gorgeous. The score by Richard Hartley doesn’t evoke a sense of action or adventure. I mean it kind of does but not like John Williams’ rousing score for Raiders of the Lost Ark. It sounds more like one you’d hear in a drama. This is going to sound weird but at times I felt like I was watching a sanitized version of either Bolero or The Blue Lagoon.
It definitely bears mentioning that Sheena is directed by John Guillermin, the man who gave us the 1976 remake of King Kong and its sequel King Kong Lives (a very guilty pleasure!). Okay, he also directed The Towering Inferno (1974) and Death on the Nile (1978) but people seem to remember him best for the giant ape movies. Sheena is in the same class as the Kong flicks. If taken the right way, they’re good silly fun. Never mind all the plot holes like the ministry guy murdered by Otwani early on. It should be an important plot point yet it’s never mentioned again. At the end, there’s no mention of what’s next for Tigora after all the political hubbub. Given that two Americans were mixed up in it, how will it affect relations between the US and Africa? Who will be the new king? It’s okay to ask these questions but it’s really quite pointless. I’m sure the writers gave no consideration to heavy matters such as these. They set out to make a light-hearted summer adventure movie. They nearly succeeded; Sheena is certainly light-headed. But it’s fun and completely harmless. It has earned a spot on my guilty pleasure list. Then again, I don’t feel the least bit guilty for leering at Tanya Roberts in the buff. Damn, she’s fine!
