C.H.O.M.P.S. (1979) American International/Comedy-Sci-Fi-Action RT: 89 minutes Rated PG (some language, slapstick violence) Director: Don Chaffey Screenplay: Joseph Barbera, Duane Poole and Dick Robbins Music: Hoyt Curtin Cinematography: Charles F. Wheeler Release date: August 31, 1979 (US) Cast: Wesley Eure, Valerie Bertinelli, Conrad Bain, Chuck McCann, Red Buttons, Larry Bishop, Hermione Baddeley, Robert Q. Lewis, Jim Backus, James Reynolds, Regis Toomey. Box Office: $1.8M (US)
Rating: ***
The family comedy C.H.O.M.P.S. was to be the first of four collaborations between producer/American International VP Samuel Z. Arkoff and Joseph Barbera, one half of Hanna-Barbera, the company behind many of the cartoons many of us watched as children- e.g. The Flintstones, Yogi Bear and Scooby-Doo. It seemed like a multi-million dollar idea making a kiddie comedy about a robotic dog. They like robots and they like dogs. Why not combine the two? It can’t lose, right? WRONG! It flopped badly enough for AIP and Hanna-Barbera to call off their deal after just one picture.
When C.H.O.M.P.S. unceremoniously hit theaters in August ’79, it was rated PG for language. There were two instances of profanity, both by a dog (in voiceover). Early on, the dog Monster calls somebody a “smart ass”. At the very end, right before the end credits, he utters, “Oh s***.” After its poor performance at the box office, the film was pulled, re-edited and re-released (sans offending words) with a G rating. It didn’t do a bit of good. Parents still kept their children away much like they did with the boxing kangaroo movie comedy Matilda (also an American International production) the year before.
C.H.O.M.P.S. stands for “Canine HOMe Protection System’. It’s the latest in home protection from Norton Security Systems. It was created by computer genius Brain Foster (Eure, Land of the Lost). It’s a robotic dog roughly the size of Benji. Modeled after Brian’s real dog Rascal, it responds to numerical commands. It has super strength and super speed. It has X-ray vision and super hearing. It can crash through walls, pull vehicles with its teeth and operate machinery. He’s the ultimate crimefighting unit. It’s too bad the crooks he’s up against are no match for him. They’re all idiots.
Norton is going through a rough patch. Their latest home protection system is a dismal failure. The boss Ralph Norton (Bain, Diff’rent Strokes) blames it on Brian and fires him. He doesn’t yet know that his former employee and soon-to-be son-in-law has the key to saying his failing company. The boss’ daughter and Brian’s fiancee Casey (Bertinelli, One Day at a Time) convinces her dad to hear Brian out about his latest invention. When he sees C.H.O.M.P.S. in action, he’s mighty impressed. He immediately sets about showing off his new product.
Norton’s main competitor Gibbs (Backus, Gilligan’s Island) gets wind of C.H.O.M.P.S. and plans to steal it for himself. It should come as no surprise to anybody that Norton’s assistant Ken Sharp (Bishop, son of comedian Joey) is a spy working for Gibbs. He’s the real reason the company is going down the tubes. He sends a couple of inept thieves, Brooks (McCann, Lunch Wagon) and Bracken (Buttons, The Poseidon Adventure), to snatch up the pooch. Naturally, the two bozos fail at every attempt.
Basically, C.H.O.M.P.S. is a Disney knock-off. It looks and sounds like a Disney movie. You almost can’t tell the difference. Except you can and you don’t even have to look that close. It’s directed by Don Chaffey whose credits include Jason and the Argonauts (1963), One Million Years B.C. (1966), Ride a Wild Pony (1975), Pete’s Dragon (1977) and The Magic of Lassie (1978). C.H.O.M.P.S. is his final theatrical film (he died in 1990). It’s not exactly the highest note to go out on, but it’s not the lowest either. I actually liked it even though it’s hardly a high-water mark in cinema. It’s cute and funny. It has a cool robotic dog with superpowers, a few cute live dogs, a handsome couple, buffoonish bad guys, a simple plot and lots of silly slapstick. PLUS (and it’s a big one), there’s not one joke about stepping in dog poop. Thanks for that, Mr. Chaffey.
The writing is definitely NOT one of the film’s strong suits. It’s a simple story with a few undeveloped ideas. Take the scene where a couple of patrolman and a reporter spot C.H.O.M.P.S. chasing down a pair of would-be car thieves (they’re in a vehicle; the dog is on foot). He chases them to a warehouse where he traps them in their vehicle by crushing it under a forklift. The reporter and his cameraman proceed to get the full story on C.H.O.M.P.S. You would think the televised report would make him a local hero or something. NOPE! It’s mentioned only once by an exasperated Gibbs and never again. Wouldn’t it be more fun to have the public cheering on the super-powered pooch? BTW, the sequence comes with a product plug for Burger King. Funny, I don’t recall any C.H.O.M.P.S. toys at BK at that time.
The acting in C.H.O.M.P.S. is about what you’d expect to see in a dopey movie aimed at kids. Eure and Bertinelli make a good-looking couple even if the chemistry isn’t quite there. Bertinelli brings to her role the perkiness of her character in One Day at a Time. Eure has a nice guy quality to him. Bain is okay as the company CEO who does a complete 180 about his young employee. Backus gets too little to do as the main antagonist. McCann and Buttons do well as two dummies who give crime a bad name. Hermione Baddeley, who played the maid Mrs. Naugatuck on Maude, shows up as the dog whistle-wielding owner of a small dog. Monster is the only dog in the movie with dialogue. Unfortunately, the actor who provides his voice isn’t credited. It’s almost like this part of the movie was added as an afterthought.
It’s not great filmmaking, but there’s really nothing wrong with C.H.O.M.P.S. Yes, it’s a dumb movie. The special effects are cheesy. The jokes are corny. Nobody has an IQ higher than average. The animated opening sequence with the funky theme song is pure 70s cheese. In other words, it’s an adult world imagined from the perspective of a goofy kid. I probably would have loved it when I was 11. Sadly, I didn’t get to see it until it aired on network TV a few years later. I remember liking it then. I still like it now as an adult in his 50s. It’s fun in a dopey sort of way. Be sure to leave your brain idling in neutral.
