Iron Lung (2026)    Markiplier/Sci-Fi-Horror    RT: 127 minutes    Rated R (language, bloody images, some gore)    Director: Markiplier [Mark Fischbach]    Screenplay: Markiplier [Mark Fischbach]    Music: Andrew Hulshult    Cinematography: Philip Roy    Release date: January 30, 2026 (US)    Cast: Mark Fischbach, Caroline Rose Kaplan.

Rating: *

 Let me start by saying I have a lot of respect for independent filmmakers. I admire those willing to sidestep the Hollywood system to realize their visions. More often than not, they make something worth seeing. However, that is NOT the case with Iron Lung.

 Based on yet another video game I’ve never heard of, Iron Lung is the work of Mark Fischbach, a YouTube gamer/quasi-celebrity more commonly known as Markiplier. He directed it, wrote it, financed it and stars in it. I’ve never heard of the guy, but there’s no reason I would have since I’m not a gamer. I was filled in on him by a young fellow sitting in the lobby waiting for the usher to finish cleaning the theater. Funny thing is I was about to call my grand-nephews to see what they knew.

 I asked myself a few questions while watching Iron Lung last night: (1) What the hell am I watching?, (2) Why am I here?, (3) Is it almost over? and (4) Did I remember to leave a note for the milk man? Yes, I really did ask that even though I’ve never had a milk man. I don’t even drink milk. I had to think of something, anything to protect my brain from the stupification typically caused by exposure to mind-numbing movies like Iron Lung. It’s idiocy at its (almost) worst.

 Iron Lung is one of those claustrophobic deals that unfold in a single location. In this case, it’s a small submarine piloted by the movie’s main (and only) character Simon (Fischbach), a convict ordered by to retrieve a biological alien artifact from the bottom of a blood ocean on some distant moon in the far reaches of space. It’s the future and the world was effectively ended by an event called the “Quiet Rapture”. All of the stars and habitable planets are gone along with almost all of humanity. Why is Simon supposed to bring this thing back? I’m guessing it’s supposed to be the key to restarting civilization. I really don’t know.

 Predictably, things go wrong during the mission and Simon ends up stranded in the blood ocean. There’s no easy escape (he’s welded inside the vessel) and little chance of being rescued. He loses contact with the people in charge who care more about the mission than the man. Then he loses touch with reality. He slowly goes insane while trying to figure out a way to save his life.

 Iron Lung is an incoherent slog. It’s a dull mix of 2001: A Space Odyssey (1986), Das Boot (1982), The Abyss (1989), Event Horizon (1997) and probably a dozen other movies I can’t think of at the moment. It’s ugly, unpleasant, overlong and uninteresting. Half the time, it’s too dark to tell what’s going on with any clarity. It tries to pass itself off as cerebral, but it’s not. It’s just dumb.

 There’s really only one performance of note and that’s Fischbach. He’s okay, I suppose. I’ve seen better and I’ve seen worse. The problem isn’t acting; it’s character development. He never gives us reason to care about this guy, a criminal who claims he’s innocent of some act of terrorism. Honestly, I’m not clear on what he allegedly did. To me, he’s just the guy driving the narrative. The only person we see is a woman named Ava (Kaplan). She’s one of the people in charge. She gives the orders. She yells when Simon screws up. Then she’s gone. That’s basically it.

 Fischbach didn’t spend a lot on Iron Lung and it shows. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Some low-budget movies look great. That’s not the case here. There aren’t many effects. The only one I like is near the end when blood starts filling the vessel. It flows from the walls and ceiling. It looks like something out of The Evil Dead. I wish the rest of the movie had been that cool.

 I cannot, in all good conscience, recommend Iron Lung. I absolutely hated it. I struggled to stay awake. But you should probably take my review with a grain of salt. It’s possible, likely even, that gamers will have an entirely different take on it. I guess if you like the game Iron Lung, you might like the movie Iron Lung. Go ahead and see it if that’s the case. All others should stay away.