Piranha 3DD (2012) Dimension/Horror-Comedy RT: 83 minutes Rated R (sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore, full frontal nudity, sexual content, language, some drug and alcohol use) Director: John Gulager Screenplay: Marcus Dunston, Patrick Melton and Joel Soisson Music: Elia Cmiral Cinematography: Alexandre Lehmann Release date: June 1, 2012 (US) Cast: Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, Katrina Bowden, Jean-Luc Bilodeau, David Koechner, Chris Zylka, Adrian Martinez, Paul James Jordan, Meagan Tandy, David Hasselhoff, Christopher Lloyd, Paul Scheer, Ving Rhames, Gary Busey, Clu Gulager, Sierra Fisk, Matthew Lintz, Sylvia Jefferies, Jenna Hurt, Rozlyn Papa. Box Office: $376,512 (US)/$8.4M (World)
Rating: ***
Piranha 3DD is a bad movie and it knows it! In fact, it’s one of the best bad movies that I’ve seen in a long time. I didn’t enjoy it as much as Piranha 3D, but it has this campy appeal that makes it difficult to dislike. The title Piranha 3DD has a double meaning as indicated by the busty girl on the poster. It’s a horror-comedy that’s funny in ways that would be unintentional in normal movies. Like I said, it’s completely self-aware and that’s a big part of the fun.
The action of Piranha 3DD takes place one year after the blood-soaked events of the first movie. An introductory sequence informs us that Lake Victoria has become an abandoned ghost town. The residents all moved away, the tourists stopped coming and the lake can no longer sustain any kind of life.
The action shifts to a nearby town where Chet (Koechner, Anchorman 1 & 2) is about to open the Big Wet, an adult-themed water park that features “water certified strippers” instead of lifeguards. It has an “Adult Pool” where the fully naked swimmers can engage in all kinds of sexual hanky panky. There’s also a big TV screen that shows all activity captured by the “Coochie Cam”. His stepdaughter Maddy (Panabaker, The Crazies) disapproves of the whole idea, but since she’s only a 49% shareholder (as opposed to Chet’s 51%), there’s not much she can do about it.
With the grand opening only a day away, Maddie discovers that the nearby lake is infested with the savage prehistoric piranhas after they nearly devour her and one of her friends Shelby (Bowden, American Reunion). Along with her ex-boyfriend/local police deputy Kyle (Zylka, Shark Night 3D) and longtime friend Barry (Bush, The Goldbergs) who’s had a crush on her since the 7th grade, she pays a visit to marine expert Mr. Goodman (Lloyd, Back to the Future 1-3) who tells them that the piranhas may be travelling through sewage pipes and underground rivers between lakes. That’s how they got from Lake Victoria to their lake. Maddie, a marine biology student, determines that the fish cannot enter the outflow pipes connecting the lake with the water park. It goes without saying that the piranhas do manage to find their way into the park. Maddie tries to close down the park before things get out of hand, but Chet and Kyle thwart her efforts making it open season on guests and employees.
Obviously, Piranha 3DD doesn’t have the most complex plot, but a movie like this doesn’t need it. It’s best to keep it simple and focus on what the audience really wants- lots of bloody violence and gore, hot naked babes with big boobs and complete mayhem at the end. I have to say that I was a bit disappointed with the finale. It’s not as gory as the one in the original movie. There’s still a fair amount of blood and gore; it just pales in comparison to the 2010 movie.
Piranha 3DD has one of the most unbelievable sequences I’ve ever seen in a horror movie, one that I’m not sure is even scientifically or anatomically possible and one that seems inspired by the most infamous scene in Alien (1979). It’s all because of a late night swim in the lake by Shelby and her boyfriend Josh (Bilodeau, Trick ‘r’ Treat) and a “brief encounter” with one of the piranhas. Instead of explaining what happens, I’m going to quote a line of dialogue that’s now become one of my favorite bad movie lines. Shelby says, “Josh cut off his penis because of something that came out of my vagina.” Use your imagination; I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
Piranha 3DD has some really cool cameos, although nothing as awesome as Richard Dreyfuss’ appearance in the first movie. Gary Busey (Lethal Weapon) and Clu Gulager (The Return of the Living Dead) show up as a couple of farmers who encounter the vicious beasties as they retrieve the body of a dead cow from the lake. Ving Rhames (Pulp Fiction) reprises his role, sans legs, from the first movie. Still fearful of the water, he jumps into action when he realizes that the piranhas have made a return appearance. He gets off the movie’s second best line of dialogue, “Bring me my legs.” They turn out to be titanium prostheses with a shotgun attached to one of them. The man is a true bad ass.
The best cameo appearance in the movie comes from David Hasselhoff as David Hasselhoff. He’s a celebrity lifeguard for the park’s grand opening. He spends more time signing autographs and posing for pictures with horny female fans than ensuring the swimmers’ safety. He develops a special “friendship” with a little boy that he calls a “little ginger moron”. Yes, he also gets to run in slow motion a la Baywatch. He delivers the movie’s best and funniest performance. The second best comes from Panabaker, a lady with talent. She’s also very easy on the eyes. Lloyd is great in his return appearance. As for the other performances, they range from bad to REALLY BAD!
Nobody will ever mistake Piranha 3DD for a quality movie with deep meaning although if you think about it, the idea of the piranhas attacking the X-rated water park has Biblical implications. It brings to mind the stories of the seven plagues and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. LOL! Okay, I’m just f***ing with you. I’m sure that the writers didn’t have something like this in mind…. or did they?
Director John Gulager (the Feast movies and son of Clu) does a respectable job, but he’s no Alexandre Aja. The movie has a lot of great bloody scenes of people being devoured by the prehistoric creatures. In addition, somebody gets decapitated by a cable, another person gets a trident in the face, somebody gets their head bitten off and one poor jerk has a piranha right up his ass.
Piranha 3DD is surprisingly short. When you take away the ten minutes of outtakes over the closing credits, the movie itself runs about 70 minutes which hardly justifies the $15 admission price when you factor in the 3-D surcharge. It opened in only 86 theaters around the country. I had to travel almost 40 miles to see it. Now that’s what I call dedication to my profession! Sure, I could have watched it on VOD, but I wanted to see it in 3D. Was it worth it? In some ways, yes. The 3-D effects are pretty good. The gimmick has vastly improved since the days of Jaws 3D.
Overall, Piranha 3DD is a very enjoyable bad movie and a welcome break from the regular bad movies we’ve endured so far this year. In case you’re wondering, the door has been left wide open for a third Piranha movie and judging by the final scene, it looks like they’re leaning towards a variation of Piranha II: The Spawning (1981). Yikes!
