Smurfs (2025) Paramount/Comedy-Musical-Fantasy RT: 92 minutes Rated PG (action, language, some rude humor) Director: Chris Miller Screenplay: Pam Brady Music: Henry Jackman Cinematography: Peter Lyons Collister Release date: July 18, 2025 (US) Cast: Rihanna, James Corden, John Goodman, Nick Offerman, JP Karliak, Dan Levy, Amy Sedaris, Natasha Lyonne, Sandra Oh, Jimmy Kimmel, Octavia Spencer, Nick Kroll, Hannah Waddingham, Alex Winter, Maya Erskine, Kurt Russell, Xolo Mariduena, Hugo Miller, Chris Miller, Billie Lourd.
Rating: *
Some movies aren’t meant for adult eyes and ears. Smurfs is one of them. It’s painful. I still can’t believe I willingly sat through it. WTS (What the Smurf)?!
I probably shouldn’t be reviewing Smurfs. It wasn’t made for me. It’s not for anyone who has advanced beyond first grade. I get that. In a futile attempt to make my viewing experience less painful, I tried to imagine what a 6YO would think of it. Why 6? It seems to be the maximum age for this movie. Now here’s the weird part. There were a lot of young kids at the showing I attended and none of them showed any reaction, at least none that I heard. I’ve never seen it that quiet at a kid’s movie before. Again, WTS?!
ANYWAY, so why exactly am I reviewing Smurfs? Because I don’t know any young children to write a review for me. My two nephews, Christian and David, the ones I took to see the two live-action Smurfs films in 2011 and 2013, are grown now. All of my grand-nephews and nieces are too old. I don’t really know any other little kids. I’m on my own with kid’s movies now. Sure, I could have skipped it altogether, but I thought it might be fun to take a quick trip down nostalgia lane. Boy, was I ever wrong! There is NOTHING fun about this incarnation of The Smurfs. It almost makes the live-actions ones look like quality cinema. I said, almost.
I don’t really have a history with The Smurfs. The animated Saturday morning TV series premiered in 1981 when I was 13. We didn’t have cable in my house back then so my viewing options were limited. I watched it a few times during that first of nine seasons. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it either. It was just something I watched to make the time pass on Saturday morning. As I mentioned, I saw the live-action ones from the 2010s. That’s it. I’ve seen no other versions of The Smurfs until now. It’s a choice I’ll regret until the day I die.
Let’s briefly talk about the plot now, not that it’s of any importance. There’s trouble in Smurf Village once again. The evil wizard Razamel, baby brother to Gargamel (both voiced by JP Karliak), wants to acquire a magical book being protected by Papa Smurf (Goodman, The Conners). He wants to use it, along with three other magical books, to get rid of all the good in the world.
Razamel manages to locate Smurf Village when one of its inhabitants, No Name Smurf (late night talk show Corden), shows off newly acquired magic abilities to the whole village. The wizard’s intern Joel (Levy, Schitt’s Creek) uses a beam to open a portal and Smurf-nap Papa. A few of the others, led by plucky Smurfette (R&B singer Rihanna), embark on a quest to rescue him and stop the wizard siblings from enveloping the world in evil and darkness. To do that, they have to first find Papa’s brother Ken (Offerman, The Great North) to lead them.
And now a few words about No Name. He’s new to the village and the franchise. He’s undergoing an existential crisis of sorts. As you know, the Smurfs are named for a sole defining characteristic- e.g. Brainy Smurf, Baker Smurf, Hefty Smurf, etc. No Name doesn’t have a “thing” hence he doesn’t have an identity. He anguishes over it. He goes off into the woods and makes a wish within earshot of the magic book. Next thing he knows, he can shoot light beams from his hands. Now he has purpose. Oh yeah, he also has a thing for Smurfette.
No Name isn’t the only new thing in Smurfs. They are helped in their mission by the Snooterpoots, a group of cute fuzzy creatures with a penchant for mischief. Their leader is, of course, Mama Poot (Lyonne, Poker Face). I’m going to stop here and say what we already know to be the case. The Snooterpoots exist for one reason and one reason only, the desire to create a new line of plush toys that will hopefully become the next big thing. Yeah, that’s not likely to happen.
I can’t remember the last time I hated a movie as much as I hate Smurfs. It’s the closest thing to torture this side of the Inquisition. Directed by Chris Miller (Shrek the Third) and written by Pam Brady (Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken), it’s neither fun nor funny for grownups. At times, it’s downright annoying. The original songs are terrible and not likely to chart. I suppose we can be thankful for that. It’s a complete waste of the talented actors, which also include Kurt Russell (The Christmas Chronicles) as Ron Smurf and Sandra Oh (Killing Eve) as Moxie Smurf, providing the voices. Rihanna is the absolute wrong choice to voice Smurfette, still the only female in the village. She has a too-cool-for-school quality that just doesn’t fit the character.
The animation is strictly assembly line. It’s bright and colorful yet still dull and unimaginative. The only time the makers do somethin interesting is near the end when some of the characters travel through different dimensions including one that resembles the home video game from the 80s. I liked one other thing in Smurfs, the one named Sound Effects Smurf. He makes sound effects (No DUH!). He always seems to show up at the right time. I found him mildly amusing. It’s the only time in all of the film’s 92 minutes (still feels too long) I didn’t grimace.
I pity the poor parents that will be forced to accompany their little ones to this cinematic hell on earth. That is, if they’re interested at all in Smurfs. They’re not as popular as they were once upon a time in the 80s. Also, they’re more popular overseas than they are here in the US. In any event, this is one of those when parents ought to urge their kids to wait for it to come on streaming. It doesn’t need to be seen on a big screen (SMURF THAT!). It’s cheaper all around (no admission, no concession stand) and you don’t need to stay in the living room with the kids. Why would you? Smurfs is insufferable as SMURF.
