Mr. Nanny (1993) New Line/Comedy RT: 84 minutes Rated PG (comic action/violence and mild language) Director: Michael Gottlieb Screenplay: Michael Gottlieb and Edward Rugoff Music: David Johansen and Brian Koonin Cinematography: Peter Stein Release date: October 8, 1993 (US) Cast: Hulk Hogan, Sherman Hemsley, Austin Pendleton, Robert Gorman, Madeline Zima, Raymond O’Connor, Mother Love, David Johansen, Peter Kent, Jen Sung, Jeff Moldovan, Artie Malesci. Box Office: $4.3M (US)
Rating: *
At one point late in Mr. Nanny, somebody is threatened with a “slow and agonizing” death. I can’t think of three better words to describe the experience of sitting through this embarrassingly unfunny comedy starring Hulk Hogan. That right there is a major red flag!
I actually went to see Mr. Nanny at the cinema on opening day. I ditched my afternoon classes at university so I could be among the first to witness this affront to film. What can I say? I’m a glutton for punishment. I watched in horror as Hogan did things no self-respecting tough guy should ever do. I cringed as he sat down to a tea party with a little girl. I winced as he sang “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” to help her fall asleep. HOWEVER, those are nothing compared to the sight of the wrestler wearing a tutu while learning ballet moves. That was positively traumatizing. It still haunts me to this day.
Directed by Michael Gottlieb (Mannequin 1 & 2), Mr. Nanny is a mix of Home Alone, Mr. Mom, Kindergarten Cop, The Toy and about a dozen other movies. The Hulkster plays Sean Armstrong, a former wrestler with a recurring nightmare about his last match, the one that put him out of the ring for good. He’s approached by his former manager and friend Burt (Hemsley, The Jefferson) with an offer of a job, bodyguard to tech firm head Alex Mason (Pendleton, My Cousin Vinny) or so he thinks.
He’ll actually be watching over his two children, Alex Jr. (Gorman, Leprechaun) and Kate (Zima, The Nanny). These kids are a real handful. They take great delight in torturing every nanny their widowed dad hires to take care of them. Sean arrives at their estate just in time to see their latest victim running away screaming with her hair on fire. He agrees to stick around until Dad hires a new nanny. Of course, the service refuses to send anybody else. That means Sean’s stuck there enduring the little darlings’ pranks and shenanigans. He can’t just leave, can he?
There’s an action element to Mr. Nanny. Did you think there wouldn’t be? Alex Sr. has developed a new sophisticated anti-missile system and has all the data stored on a microchip. It’s extremely valuable meaning nefarious types want to take it off his hands. The leader is Thanatos (Johansen, Scrooged), a criminal dunderhead with a steel skullplate. Strangely enough, he has a personal beef with Sean and Burt. They’re the ones who caused the accident that cost him the top of his skull. When he resorts to kidnapping Sean’s charges to get what he wants, Hulk shifts into action hero mode.
There are no ifs or ands. There is, however, a but. Mr. Nanny is a bad movie. It’s the kind of bad that makes you feel ashamed for the actors appearing in it. BUT I actually found myself enjoying it when I rewatched it this afternoon. I’ve said it a few times, the bad movies from the 80s and 90s are so much better than today’s bad movies. Some of them are even better than the mediocre ones. I was looking for something simple to watch today and I came across Mr. Nanny on Tubi. I thought why not. Well, I can think of a lot of reasons why not, but I decided to go through with it anyway. It’s still pretty painful, but I can now look at it with a sense of bemusement. Wonder factors into it too as in “I wonder how this abomination ever got made?” Did Hogan really have that much power in Hollywood? NAH! Was Hollywood trying to make him go away by handing him the worst script they had lying around? That sounds more feasible.
In looking at Hogan’s filmography, I only see one straight-up action title on the list, 1998’s The Ultimate Weapon. Everything else- No Holds Barred (1989), Suburban Commando (1991), Santa with Muscles (1996) and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)- is comedy. I never saw the 3 Ninjas one, but I saw all the others and all of them are better than Mr. Nanny. Still, I have to hand it to Hogan. He’s a good sport for getting involved with these films. He’s no actor, but a good sport nonetheless.
There are no good performances in Mr. Nanny. If you go into that movie with those expectations, you have a lot to learn about cinema. This is the kind of movie where some of the performances are less embarrassing than others. The two kids do okay. That is to say, they didn’t get on my nerves. Their characters are pretty standard. Alex Jr. is a genius (like his dad) who invents things (e.g. an electrified toilet seat, poison ivy TP) that cause pain. He also has problems with bullies at school. Of course, Sean helps him figure it out. Kate is a sweet little monster who still misses her mother. She doesn’t sleep at night. Again, Sean helps her through it.
Everytime I saw Hemsley, I mentally shouted “WEEZY!” He’ll always be George Jefferson to me. He doesn’t do too badly as Burt, the owner of a failing security company who really needs this job with the tech guy to work out. Pendleton is okay as the dad who consistently prioritizes work over his kids. That’s why they act out. Comedian Mother Love is funny as the housekeeper who loves the children and keeps a list of the nannies they chase away. Okay, so there’s one decent performance in Mr. Nanny. SO SUE ME!
The booby prize for worst performance goes to Johansen as Thanatos. It’s cartoonish to the point of disbelief, not that anything about Mr. Nanny is believable. He has to be the most incompetent criminal I’ve seen this side of Home Alone. Johansen, who many of you know as novelty singer Buster Poindexter, doesn’t even look the slightest bit embarrassed which makes me wonder about him. To his credit, he looks like he’s having fun.
In the end, I have to say that Mr. Nanny is something of a guilty pleasure. It falls under the category Kids Movies Adults Should Never Lay Eyes On. It’s what I call a “drop off movie”. Drop the kids off at the theater, run errands for two hours and pick them up after. This way, the parents retain their sanity while buying a brief respite from their progeny. As for me, all I lost was a few IQ points and 84 minutes of my life. I almost hate to admit it, but it was worth it just to relive great bad memories.
