Kiss of the Spider Woman (2025)    Roadside Attractions/Musical-Drama    RT: 128 minutes    Rated R (language, sexual content, some violence)    Director: Bill Condon    Screenplay: Bill Condon    Music: Sam Davis (score) and Kander and Ebb (songs)    Cinematography: Tobias A. Schliessler    Release date: October 10, 2025 (US)    Cast: Diego Luna, Tonatiuh, Jennifer Lopez, Tony Dovolani, Josefina Scaglione, Bruno Bichir.

Rating: **

 I like musicals. I like Bill Condon (Gods and Monsters). I liked his other musicals- Chicago (2002, writer only), Dreamgirls (2006), Beauty and the Beast (2017) and The Greatest Showman (2017, writer only). I did not like Kiss of the Spider Woman. It just never came to full life for me.

 There’s a bit of history with Kiss of the Spider Woman. It began life as a novel by Argentine author Manuel Puig. It was made into the 1985 film starring William Hurt (he won Best Actor), Raul Julia and Sonia Braga. It was then turned into the 1992 stage musical by Terrence McNally, John Kander and Fred Ebb. Now Condon has made a film version of the stage show. It isn’t one of his better efforts.

 The new movie stars Diego Luna (Rogue One) as Valentin, a political prisoner in 1983 Argentina, a time of great upheaval in the South American country. One day, he gets a new cellmate, a gay window dresser named Molina (Tonatiuh, Promised Land) doing time for public indecency. It’s not by accident these two men share a cell. The warden wants Molina to pump Valentin for information about a possible uprising against the current regime. If he succeeds, he will be paroled.

 To pass the time and to gain Valentin’s trust, Molina recounts his favorite movie, a musical called Kiss of the Spider Woman, starring his favorite actress Ingrid Luna (Lopez, Selena). During these scenes, the setting shifts from a depressing jail cell to a Technicolor world filled with glamorous people, exotic locations, intrigue and a deadly curse. There’s also singing and dancing. Valentin initially dismisses the movie as pabulum for the masses, but becomes more interested as the two men grow closer.

 I remember liking the original film when I saw it on video way back in 1987. I haven’t seen it since then. I thought about rewatching it before I saw the new version, but I couldn’t find the time. Now I’m thinking I should rewatch it to see if I still like it. It has to be easier to sit through than the musical redo. It isn’t a terrible movie per se; it’s just one that didn’t hold my interest all that strongly.

 That’s not to say Kiss of the Spider Woman isn’t without its good points. The acting by all three leads is pretty good. Newcomer Tonatiuh all but steals the shows as Molina, a dreamer who loves to see the world as a splashy, colorful musical. It’s his only escape from the brutal reality of prison life where he’s under constant threat by sadistic guards. He’s not at all political even though his sexuality violates the law imposed by the fascist government. Luna is also good as the beaten-down but not beaten revolutionary just biding his time, reading and waiting for the revolution that will free him and his imprisoned brothers-in-arms. He quietly endures pain and torture at the hands of his captors who even poison his food in trying to break his will.

 It bears mentioning that both actors play dual roles here. In addition to Molina and Valentin, Tonatiuh and Luna play characters in the Kiss of the Spider Woman movie. Lopez likewise plays two roles, the main character Aurora and the titular “Spider Woman”. The two couldn’t be more different. Aurora is like a sunny mix of Veronica Lake, Ginger Rogers and Marilyn Monroe. Spider Woman is the sexy embodiment of death and entrapment. She does a good job with both parts.

Kiss of the Spider Woman has an attractive visual palette, especially when it takes us into Molina’s flights of fancy. Their vibrant color scheme reminds one of Pedro Almodovar. It’s in these moments that the film comes to life. Unfortunately, they’re brief and before long, we’re back in real life and the movie stagnates.

 Musicals sink or swim based on the music. Are the songs memorable? Are the big numbers impressive? In the case of Kiss of the Spider Woman, the answer is no on both counts. I couldn’t remember a single song as I left the cinema. The dancing and choreography are fine, but none of the numbers stand out. It doesn’t have a single show-stopper a la “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” from Dreamgirls. It’s all completely forgettable. When I come out of a musical film, I want at least one song playing on repeat in my head.

 Here’s the bottom line. I was bored by Kiss of the Spider Woman. It didn’t draw me into its web like it should have. I didn’t want that to be my reaction, but here we are. It’s not a terrible film by any means, but it’s not going to be remembered as a classic either.