Blame It on the Bellboy (1992) Hollywood Pictures/Comedy RT: 78 minutes Rated PG-13 (sexual conversation and humor, language, violence) Director: Mark Herman Screenplay: Mark Herman Music: Trevor Jones Cinematography: Andrew Dunn Release date: March 6, 1992 (US) Cast: Dudley Moore, Bryan Brown, Richard Griffiths, Andreas Katsulas, Patsy Kensit, Alison Steadman, Penelope Wilton, Bronson Pinchot, Jim Carter, Alex Norton, Alex Grillo. Box Office: $3.1M (US)
Rating: NO STARS!!!
I say the blame for Blame It on the Bellboy sits squarely on the shoulders of the makers starting with writer-director Mark Herman (Brassed Off) and right on down to the guy that swept up at the end of each day’s shoot. The incompetent bellboy played by Bronson Pinchot (Beverly Hills Cop) is the least culpable for this woefully unfunny comedy about a colossal mix-up at a fancy Venice hotel involving three guests with similar sounding names. They say the hardest kind of movie to sit through is a comedy that isn’t funny. Blame It on the Bellboy proves this beyond a shadow of a doubt. It’s only 78 minutes long yet it feels like it lasts an eternity.
Three guests show up at Hotel Gabrielli on different types of business. Maurice Horton (Griffiths, The Naked Gun 2 ½) is there for monkey business. He’s there to meet a woman, Patricia (Wilton, Shaun of the Dead), he found through a dating service called Medi-Date. Melvyn Orton (Moore, Arthur) is there on business-business. He’s there to check out a villa for his boss who plans to purchase it. Never mind that it’s completely worthless. Finally, Mike Lorton (Brown, F/X) is there on illegal business. He’s a hitman sent to rub out a mafioso named Mr. Scarpa (Katsulas, The Fugitive). They each inform the bellboy, who struggles with English as it pertains to the letter H, that they’re expecting important messages. Naturally, he gets them mixed up.
Maurice is sent to meet with real estate agent Caroline (Kensit, Lethal Weapon 2) about the villa. He thinks she’s his date and makes sexual advances towards her. She thinks he’s the buyer and tries to convince him to pay cash as it will increase her commission. Melvyn calls on Mr. Scarpa thinking he’s the one selling the villa. Scarpa detains and tortures him thinking he’s the hitman sent to kill him. Mike follows Patricia around thinking she’s his mark. He fails in his attempts to kill her, partly because he’s thinking about leaving his chosen profession. Patricia notices him and thinks he’s interested in her. She engages him in conversation much to his bafflement. Such a wacky situation!
Blame It on the Bellboy is as funny as a funeral. No, I take that back. I’ve gotten more laughs out of eulogies than I did this sorry excuse for a comedy. NONE of it is the least bit funny. This is NOT an exaggeration. This movie has zero laughs. It strains to be funny. It begs you to laugh at it. It tries hard, WAY too hard, to recreate the feel of a slapstick 1960s comedy set in some foreign locale but to no avail. I doubt it would have been funny to 60s audiences. It certainly wasn’t funny to 90s audiences. And, unlike some movies, it hasn’t improved with age. It’s still a piece of crap.
It should be a crime to waste as much talent as Blame It on the Bellboy does. The talented cast doesn’t so much perform as they do embarrass themselves. It’s not really their fault though, not entirely. They can only work with what they’ve been given and they’re not given much to work with here. The screenplay is half-cooked at best. The characters are placed in situations that could have easily been resolved had somebody stopped and asked questions like “Who are you?” or “What’s going on here?”. This never happens. Why? Because movies like Blame It on the Bellboy depend on the characters acting like idiots and not asking the right questions. If they did, the movie would be over in ten minutes and we could all go home.
Blame It on the Bellboy is very poorly made. In fact, it’s one of the most poorly made movies from a major studio that I’ve ever seen. It has a grim pallor hanging over it. The city of Venice should be bright and beautiful; after all, it is regarded as one of the most romantic cities in the world with its canals and old structures. The movie fails even in this simple respect. It’s also lazy. There’s no energy, comedic or otherwise. The characters scramble and dash about but it feels like they’re running in place. Other times, they stand around waiting for something funny to happen. Kind of like the audience, no?
I didn’t even smile during Blame It on the Bellboy. I gritted my teeth and rubbed my temple but I’m sure that isn’t the reaction the makers want. At the very least, Bronson Pinchot’s character should have provided a few chuckles. After all, he has played characters with unidentifiable accents before- e.g. Serge in Beverly Hills Cop, Balki in the sitcom Perfect Strangers. Here it’s not funny, it’s annoying. In fact, the whole movie is annoying. It’s a total and absolute failure on every level. It’s as bad as It’s Pat: The Movie and Corky Romano. It’s like a very, VERY bad Blake Edwards comedy. It’s not a movie, it’s a felony offense.
