Thief of Hearts (1984) Paramount/Drama-Thriller RT: 100 minutes Rated R (sexual content, nudity, language, drug use, some violence) Director: Douglas Day Stewart Screenplay: Douglas Day Stewart Music: Harold Faltermeyer Cinematography: Andrew Laszlo Release date: October 19, 1984 (US) Cast: Steven Bauer, Barbara Williams, John Getz, David Caruso, George Wendt, Christine Ebersole, Alan North, Romy Windsor, Annette Sinclair, Aleana Downs. Box Office: $10.4M (US)
Rating: ***
I might have my guy card revoked for admitting it, but I like Thief of Hearts. It’s like a filmed version of one those dumb, trashy romance novels read by horny housewives at the pool or on the beach. It’s produced by the dream team of Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer, the driving force behind 80s hits like Flashdance, Beverly Hills Cop I & II and Top Gun. It’s a rather subdued outing for a pair known for loud, flashy cinematic vehicles featuring hard-hitting hit songs, vehicular mayhem, showy aeronautics and more shots fired per hour than the average police shooting range, all delivered at deafening decibels. Although sleek and stylish, Simpson and Bruckheimer abandon their usual MO to give us a romantic fantasy involving a thief and a discontented married woman.
On the surface, interior designer Mickey Davis (Williams, Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling) appears to have it all. She has a career, a gorgeous home and is married to a successful children’s book author, Ray (Getz, The Fly). The problem is her husband is also incredibly self-involved and often neglects her. She longs for a more interesting life, one that she writes about in diaries she keeps stashed in the safe.
On the night of their anniversary, while they’re out celebrating at a fancy restaurant, their home is burglarized by Scott (Bauer, Scarface), a professional thief who immediately becomes infatuated with Mickey after seeing an enlarged picture of her on the wall (shades of Laura?). In addition to their valuables, he steals her diaries and reads them. He uses what he learns to turn himself into the man of her fantasies and sets about seducing her.
Posing as the CEO of a school supply company, Scott hires Mickey to redesign his apartment. That, of course, is just a pretext to get close to her. They start spending time together and eventually end up in bed after a rather unusual session at a shooting range. Meanwhile, Ray becomes suspicious of his wife’s new client and follows him accompanied by his friend/publisher Marty (Wendt, Cheers). On Scott’s end, his partner-in-crime, coked-up psycho Buddy (Caruso, First Blood), urges him to stop the relationship so he can resume his criminal activities with a clear mind.
I suppose I can divulge a bit more about Thief of Hearts. Obviously, Scott doesn’t come right out and tell Mickey about the diaries. He does a few things that would ordinarily raise a few red flags, like correctly guessing personal details about Mickey, but given what kind of movie Thief of Hearts is, it doesn’t faze her too much. NO SPOILER HERE! The truth will come out and the fantasy will come to a crashing halt. That will be followed by a final, fatal encounter.
Talk about theme weekends, I saw Thief of Hearts the same weekend as Crimes of Passion. One is a silly attempt at a serious movie; the other a serious attempt at a silly movie. I think you can guess which is which. Written and directed by Douglas Day Stewart (An Officer and a Gentleman), it works best as romantic fantasy. When it tries to be a crime thriller, it falters. At one point, a robbery goes wrong and a security guard/retired cop is killed. You’d think after that, Scott and Buddy would be the targets of a massive manhunt by the San Francisco PD. It’s never mentioned again. I know Thief of Hearts doesn’t take place in the real world, but isn’t the murder of a cop (or ex-cop) a big deal in the reel world too? I guess not in a world modeled after a dopey Harlequin Romance.
I always felt Bauer had matinee idol potential, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. That’s too bad. He does a fine job as the romantic lead in Thief of Hearts with his smoldering good looks and air of mystery. However, he never gives off a sense of danger and he should. After all, he’s a criminal AND a stalker. I never once saw him as threatening. The same can’t be said of Caruso. That guy excels at playing crazies and criminals. I love how he overacts. And that red hair, he looks like an Irish greaser (without the grease). Williams is pretty good as Mickey, a lonely woman looking to fill a void in her life. She has decent chemistry with Bauer. Getz is absolutely convincing as the neglectful husband that becomes jealous when another man shows interest. Christine Ebersole (SNL) has some funny moments as Mickey’s business partner/best friend, a sex on the mind all the time type.
Thief of Hearts is pure 80s-era rubbish complete with slick, stylish cinematography by Andrew Laszlo and an electronic score by Harold Faltermeyer. It has a cool soundtrack featuring songs by Melissa Manchester (“Thief of Hearts”), Elizabeth Daily (“Love In the Shadows”) and a great duet by Beth Anderson and Joe “Bean” Esposito entitled “Just Imagine (Way Beyond Fear)”. What else can I say? I love a good trashy movie that doesn’t have a single brain cell in its empty head. It’s the kind of movie I like to sit back and take in. I enjoy reveling in the dumbness of it all. I even bought into the predictably ridiculous ending. Oh man, now they’re definitely going to take away my guy card.
