Moment by Moment (1978)    Universal/Drama    RT: 105 minutes    Rated R (brief strong language, some sexual content, drug material)    Director: Jane Wagner    Screenplay: Jane Wagner    Music: Lee Holdridge    Cinematography: Phillip Lathrop    Release date: December 22, 1978 (US)    Cast: Lily Tomlin, John Travolta, Andra Akers, Bert Kramer, Shelley R. Bonus, Debra Feuer, James Luisi, John O’Leary.    Box Office: $10.9M (US)

Rating: *

 I wouldn’t necessarily call Moment by Moment the Holy Grail of bad movies, but it was certainly hard to come by in the 40+ years since its release. The May-September romantic drama was supposed to be a hit. Nobody intended for it to fall into the abyss of obscurity. Universal had high hopes for it back in 1978. They were so confident that male lead John Travolta, hot off the success of Saturday Night Fever and Grease, would attract big audiences, they made it their big Christmas release. Oh, how wrong they were. It was a huge failure, both commercially and critically. Critics savaged it mercilessly and audiences stayed away in droves. After it completed its brief theatrical run, it was shelved and never released on any home entertainment format. An edited version showed up once in a while on AMC, but I didn’t bother with it. I’m the kind of film geek that refuses to watch cut-for-content movies. Why should I? I’m not 12 anymore, for Pete’s sake!

 It would appear as though the powers that be at Universal finally decided the public was ready to bear witness to the utter fiasco that is Moment by Moment. It quietly came out on DVD this past summer. I didn’t know this until a FB friend posted about it recently (thanks, WM!). I wasted no time in getting my hands on a copy. It certainly lives down to its reputation. It’s every bit as bad as I remember hearing as a fifth grader not yet old enough to see the movies I wanted to see.

 I recently asked my readers to list their top five Worst Romantic Pairings on the Movie Guy 24/7 FB page. I now wish I had waited a few weeks. Moment by Moment definitely would have taken a slot on my list. I’ve seen some odd pairings in my life- Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton anybody?- but this one takes the freaking cake! It pairs Travolta with comedienne Lily Tomlin. Yes, you read that right, John Travolta and Lily Tomlin. This is what’s known in the industry as a bad idea, a monumental one at that. I can’t believe somebody thought it would work. They look more like brother and (much older) sister than lovers. They generate no chemistry whatsoever. Their romantic dialogue is laughable at best and banal at worst. The sex scenes are anything but sexy. If I had to pick a single adjective, it would be awkward. Look at the hot tub scene. I’m amazed the water didn’t freeze. The two dogs in the movie, Scamp and Corky, have better chemistry than the humans.

 Now for the plot, such as it is. Tomlin plays Trisha, a bored Beverly Hills socialite recently separated from her cheating husband. While shopping on Rodeo Drive, she meets Strip (Travolta), a down-on-his-luck drifter who claims he was a parking valet at a party she gave months earlier. She says she doesn’t remember him and ices him out. He shows up at her Malibu beach house where she’s staying to lick her wounds. She blows him off again. He keeps coming back until she finally starts to warm up a little. Maternal instinct gives over to lust and before long, they’re sexually involved. But how can it possibly work out? He’s young and doesn’t exactly fit in with her crowd. She’s old enough to be his mother. In fact, she has a son (that we never see) around his age.

 Moment by Moment is written and directed by Jane Wagner, the talented comedy writer whose collaboration with Tomlin is long and more than professional. This would explain the grievous miscasting of her real-life partner Tomlin who delivers the sleepiest performance this side of Steven Wright. I know her character is supposed to be depressed, but that doesn’t mean she has to be devoid of any signs of life. I really hate to put Tomlin down. I like her work very much. She’s a gifted actress. She’s just not right for this particular film. Then again, nothing about Moment by Moment is right. It’s the only movie Wagner has directed and for good reason. It stinks!

 Travolta plays a character named Strip. He tells Tomlin to “think Sunset” when he introduces himself. I can think of another reason he goes by that moniker. There are several scenes of him stripping down to his Speedos much to the forced delight of Trisha. Seeing this, I’m thinking he could easily solve his financial woes simply by getting a job as a male stripper. He’s clearly qualified for the gig and there’s no shortage of such places on the Strip. So why doesn’t he? That’s easy, the guy is an idiot.

 This works against his character. Somebody like Strip ought to project a sense of danger. After all, we’re talking about a guy who’s associated with criminals and lives in a fleabag hotel. In addition, his stupidity distracts viewers from the fact that he’s a stalker. I can’t be the only one that notices this, can I? Look at how he actively pursues Trisha, showing up at her house uninvited and unwelcome on multiple occasions. Didn’t they have stalkers in the 70s? It doesn’t matter since his character is too much of a bonehead to pose any threat. He’s just this good-looking dope that Trisha takes in to make her life feel less empty. SPOILER! It doesn’t work.

 Unlike the city in which it takes place, Moment by Moment is sparsely populated. Rarely do we see anybody other than the main characters. When we do, it’s somebody from Trisha’s upscale world like her vacuous friend Naomi (Akers of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman) or her self-absorbed soon-to-be ex Stu (Kramer, Bloody Birthday). We never meet ANY of the people Strip mentions. This includes his best friend Greg around whom a semblance of a subplot revolves. It goes like this. He’s arrested for stealing drugs from the pharmacy where he works. He’s involved with some dangerous criminal types who bail him out of jail and kill him. All of it happens off-camera. We hear about it from Strip. If it’s so damn important, why not depict it instead of describe it?

 Much of what happens in Moment by Moment is laughable and unbelievable. Take the sequence where Trisha and Naomi hit the Strip in search of Strip after he splits in response to his feelings being hurt when Trisha pretends he’s the delivery boy from the market when Naomi stops by the beach house unexpectedly. What, she can’t admit to her bff that she has a boy toy? Anyway, these ladies go to some seedy places asking shady types if they’ve seen Strip. Here’s what I want to know. How is it they don’t get robbed, assaulted or killed? It’s clear they’ve never set foot outside the safe, cushy boundaries of Beverly Hills. It’s a bloody miracle they don’t end up victims of a violent crime. You know, I could ask a million questions about Moment by Moment, but why bother? The only one of any importance is why it was made at all.

 It would be one thing if Moment by Moment was an unintentional laughfest. Sometimes it is. The rest of the time it’s a bore. They should have called it Hour by Hour. Also, it’s WAY too tame. It’s rated R for no discernible reason. There’s absolutely no nudity. The sex scenes don’t show much of anything. In one, it’s implied Trisha is fondling Strip under his robe. In another, they’re in bed together. Again, nothing is shown. I counted only one swear word and it isn’t the f-word. There’s talk of drugs and a scene where Strip gifts Trisha with barbiturates after her druggist refuses to give her sleeping pills. This adds up to an R? Okay, maybe it does by 1978 standards. Today, Moment by Moment would be a PG-13.

 In any event, the makers of Moment by Moment take the wrong approach to the material. Wagner plays it straight when she should have embraced the trashiness of the premise instead. Make it more like Jacqueline Susann or Jackie Collins. Of course, this is all academic. There is no antidote for leads as mismatched as Tomlin and Travolta. Also, it’s BORING!  Ultimately, Moment by Moment is 105 minutes of NOTHING! It’s as empty as the lives (and heads) of the characters. I can see why Universal kept this one hidden from the public for so long. I’m glad I finally got to see it for myself. Now if I could only unsee it.