Tarot (2024) Screen Gems/Horror RT: 92 minutes Rated PG-13 (horror violence, terror, bloody images, some strong language, drug content) Director: Spenser Cohen and Anna Halberg Screenplay: Spenser Cohen and Anna Halberg Music: Joseph Bishara Cinematography: Elie Smolkin Release date: May 3, 2024 (US) Cast: Harriet Slater, Adain Bradley, Jacob Batalon, Avantika Vandanapu, Larsen Thompson, Humberly Gonzalez, Wolfgang Novogratz, Olwen Fouere.
Rating: *
A quick trip to streaming is in the cards for the tepid teen horror film Tarot. You don’t have to be an astrologer to make that prediction. If you’ve seen the lame trailer, you know. The PG-13 rating is also a major tip-off. It’s too bad. The genre has had a pretty good run as of late with strong entries like Immaculate, Late Night with the Devil, Sting and Abigail. Tarot brings this winning streak to an end. It’s almost as bad as Night Swim.
Written and directed by Spenser Cohen and Anna Halberg, Tarot is basically a weak variation of Final Destination. It starts with a group of friends partying in a creepy mansion they rented for the weekend. They’re as vapid and vaguely defined as you’d expect. Haley (Slater, Pennyworth) and Grant (Bradley, Wrong Turn [the 2021 reboot]) are recent exes. Elise (Thompson, Pearl [NOT the Ti West one!]) and Paige (Vandanapu, Mean Girls) are together. Paxton (Batalon, the Spider-Man movies) is the funny fat friend. Madeline (Gonzalez, Ginny & Georgia) and Lucas (Novogratz, Feel the Beat) are just there.
The trouble starts when the gang runs out of booze. While searching the house for a secret stash, they come across a locked room. Naturally, they go in. Inside, there’s a collection of mysterious objects having to do with astrology including a wooden box containing a deck of strange-looking tarot cards. The others convince Haley to read their fortunes. She does it even though she knows using somebody else’s tarot cards is a bad thing. In this case, it’s extra bad. This particular deck is cursed. Haley unknowingly releases something evil into the world. Soon thereafter, her friends start dying in gruesome ways. As their numbers dwindle, they have to find a way to stop it.
I tried to like Tarot. That, in and of itself, is a problem. If you have to consciously force yourself to like a movie, that’s not good. In any event, I tried to view it through the prism of teenage Movie Guy circa early 1984 before the PG-13 rating went into effect. In all likelihood, Tarot would have gotten an R rating back then even though the violence isn’t especially graphic. Sadly, the illusion doesn’t last. These clearly aren’t 80s youngsters. At no point do they indulge in the era’s favorite pastime- i.e. SEX! The girls keep their tops on too. Now where’s the fun in that? It didn’t take me long to snap back to reality where I had to endure the rest of Tarot.
There are a lot of problems with Tarot in addition to the insipid characters. First and foremost, it’s boring. It starts off slightly interesting- to be fair, the premise isn’t terrible- but quickly descends into PG-13 horror tedium with the idiotic young people doing all the exact wrong things. Then there’s the cinematography; the lighting in particular. Most of the time, it’s too dark to see what’s going on, especially during the death scenes. I understand the makers are attempting to create a spooky, eerie atmosphere, but does it have to come at the cost of obscuring the action? There’s a way to generate atmosphere and still make the action visible to the naked eye.
Need I even bother commenting on the acting? Cohen and Halberg don’t give the actors too much to work with. The characters are paper thin at best. I can’t even describe them as likable or unlikable. They’re just lambs lined up for the slaughter. The only one that makes any sort of headway is Batalon and his character is just the comic relief. He doesn’t even seem to fit in with his “friends”. What’s worse is they’re the only characters in the movie. That is, except for occult expert Alma Astryn played by Irish theater actress Olwen Fouere (Texas Chainsaw Massacre [2022 reboot]). She shows up to provide Haley and what’s left of her friends with some background on the cursed tarot cards. She’s okay, I guess.
Honestly, there is absolutely nothing to recommend about Tarot. It’s a horror movie only a 13YO could like. It is all caps L-A-M-E! It’s not the least bit scary or suspenseful. It’s 100% predictable and not worth the price of even discount admission. It’s as big a fraud as any boardwalk fortune teller.
