It’s Pat: The Movie (1994) Touchstone/ Comedy RT: 75 minutes Rated PG-13 (crude vulgar humor, brief nudity, androgyny) Director: Adam Bernstein Screenplay: Julia Sweeney, Jim Emerson and Stephen Hibbert Music: Mark Mothersbaugh Cinematography: Jeff Jur Release date: August 26, 1994 (US) Starring: Julia Sweeney, Dave Foley, Charles Rocket, Kathy Griffin, Julie Hayden, Timothy Stack, Larry Hankin, Kathy Najimy, Tim Meadows, Ween. Box Office: $60,822 (US)
Rating: NO STARS!!!
Over the years, many Saturday Night Live skits have been made into feature films. Only a few really worked- The Blues Brothers, Wayne’s World and Coneheads. The others, like A Night at the Roxbury and Superstar- are generally pretty bad. The absolute worst of the bunch is Its Pat: The Movie, an abomination that opened in only three cities in the entire country. It’s NOT funny on any level. It’s not even funny by accident. Quite the opposite, the whole movie is an accident.
The idea behind the Pat sketches is that nobody can tell whether Pat is male or female and try to ask in roundabout ways only to get non-committal type answers. It barely works in five minute increments let alone a 75-minute movie. I have never met a single person who likes Pat. I can’t believe they really expected to get a feature length movie out of this terrible character. Who’s the dummy that thought this would work? Does this dummy still have a job?
Pat, played by Julia Sweeney, is not a funny character. Pat is annoying, gross, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, narcissistic, oblivious, rude, ugly, pushy and just plain creepy. Pat is the type of person you walk blocks out of your way to avoid running into him/her/it. Pat is why they invented restraining orders. Why make a movie about a person like this? Who’d want to watch it other than masochists? Judging by its terrible box office performance, next to nobody had any desire to see It’s Pat: The Movie.
The plot, if it even matters, has Pat falling in love with another androgynous creepozoid named Chris (Foley). Hey, they get my vote for world’s creepiest couple. A subplot has Pat’s new neighbor (Rocket, Dumb and Dumber) becoming obsessed with Pat and Pat’s gender. He tries every trick in the book including going through the entire dictionary to get Pat’s computer password to no avail. In addition, Pat gets a job as a radio therapist after getting a “friend” (comedian Griffin) fired from the gig. These are the salient plot points. Let me save you the trouble of suffering through It’s Pat: The Movie; we never learn Pat’s gender!
Remember the 90s folk rock group Ween and their big hit “Push the Little Daisies and Make Them Come Up?” They appear as themselves and I can tell you exactly why. It allows Pat the opportunity to announce “I just played with the Ween!” to her grossed-out neighbors after he/she does a tuba solo at one of their gigs. Ha, ha, that’s so funny I forgot to laugh. Oh yeah, Pat also goes through a series of jobs and gets fired from all of them. The low point is Pat sneezing on a tray of sushi and covering it with snot. Come to think of it, pretty much every scene is a low point. It is awful in every conceivable way. It’s a complete waste on every level. There isn’t anything in the universe capable of salvaging this turd, not even an uncredited script doctoring by Quentin Tarantino. I am astonished that Adam Bernstein was allowed to direct another theatrical movie, Six Ways to Sunday, after this humorless fiasco. As for Sweeney, she should be ashamed of herself. She’s a funny lady and should never have let things get this far with Pat. Was she contractually obligated to do a Pat movie or what?
It’s Pat: The Movie is a complete embarrassment. Even at 75 minutes, it feels way too long. It’s easily the most excruciating “comedy” I have ever watched. It feels less like watching a movie than witnessing a crime against cinema. I’m not even sure I can call it a movie. It’s more like a black hole. I can’t believe a major studio is behind it. Philadelphia wasn’t among the three cities in which It’s Pat: The Movie opened which shows our fair city has some class. I voluntarily rented it when it came out on video just to see if it was as bad as I heard. It was worse. I even tried to convince the clerk to give me a refund to no avail.
I’ll never understand why some movies get made. It’s Pat: The Movie is at the top of the list. I can’t think of a single thing to justify its existence. It’s as obnoxious as in titular character. It’s also as hateful. There, I said it. I HATE Pat! I hate Pat with a passion. As such, I HATE It’s Pat: The Movie. It’s lower than pond scum and not even a tenth as useful.
