Bad Manners (1984) New World/Comedy RT: 85 minutes Rated R (language) Director: Bobby Houston Screenplay: Bobby Houston and Joseph Kwong Music: Sparks Cinematography: Jan De Bont Release date: October 1984 (US) Cast: Martin Mull, Karen Black, Anne De Salvo, Murphy Dunne, Georg Olden, Pamela Segall, Michael Hentz, Joey Coleman, Christopher Brown, Stephen Stucker, Kimmy Robertson, John Paul Lussier, Edy Williams, Hy Pike, Gertrude Flynn, Lark Hackshaw, Bill Quinones, Seth Wagerman, Thomas Stokes, Michelle Cundey, Marshall Efron, Susan Ruttan, Richard Deacon, Bridget Sienna, Barry Cutler, Steve Lalande. Box Office: N/A
Rating: ***
I’d like to try a little experiment. I’ll give you a plotline; tell me what kind of movie you expect. Plotline: a ragtag group of orphans set off in search of one of their own. [Pause for dramatic effect] I know exactly what you have in mind. You’re thinking said movie will be a treacly, heart-warming affair suitable for audiences of all ages. Am I right? [Dramatic pause #2] LOL! I thought so. It’s okay, nine out of ten people asked said the same thing.
The above description definitely does NOT apply to Bad Manners, a dark comedy featuring the rudest bunch of kids this side of The Bad News Bears. Instead of giving it the Disney-fied treatment, director and co-writer Bobby Houston (Shogun Assassin) takes a John Waters approach to it with all the foul language, inappropriate humor, cartoonishly OTT characters and superbad behavior. I suppose it’s heartwarming in the abstract, but you’d be hard-pressed to find it among the outrageous goings-on in this wildly uneven movie that shifts uneasily between scenes of horrific abuse and rowdy shenanigans.
The police bring antisocial teen delinquent Piper (Olden, Johnny Dangerously) to the Home of the Bleeding Heart orphanage run by evil Sister Selena (DeSalvo, D.C. Cab) and Nazi headmaster Mr. Kurtz (Dunne, The Blues Brothers), cruel authoritarian psychos whose idea of keeping kids in line involves electric cattle prods. It’s a last-stop destination for kids deemed incorrigible. He immediately establishes a reputation as a rebel and king-sized troublemaker by refusing to bow to authority.
Despite being a loner by nature, Piper becomes friends with a group of fellow hellions- tomboy Girl Joey (Segall, Grease 2), thickheaded Whitey (Coleman), “intellectual” Blackie (Brown) and little Mouse (Hentz). While serving time in isolation, a freezing meat locker referred to as “The Meditation Room”, they become blood brothers. They swear to always stand by each other and never be separated. Their vow is about to be tested.
Sister Serena makes money selling orphans to prospective parents like the Fitzpatricks, a perfectly awful wealthy couple from Santa Barbara with non-altruistic intentions. Husband Warren (Mull, Serial) and wife Gladys (Black, Airport 1975) are racist, materialistic, idiotic creeps who’ve already ruined two children of their own, super-spoiled bitch Sarah (Robertson, The Last American Virgin) and weirdo Garth (Lussier) who fancies himself a samurai. They decide on Mouse and whisk him off to their fancy home where he immediately begins to wreak havoc. His “family”, determined to stick to their word, manage to escape from the prison-like orphanage with its electrified fences, sadistic staff and guard dogs. They head to Santa Barbara to rescue Mouse on an epic hellraising adventure.
Originally known as Growing Pains, Bad Manners seems like the kind of movie that would have developed a strong cult following for its anti-authority attitude and wildly inappropriate content involving naked nuns, racial and gay stereotypes and kids with guns. These kids (young teens really) not only swear, smoke and drink beer, they also engage in criminal activity like robbery, prostitution (hinted at), vandalism, kidnapping and auto theft. On top of that, they completely trash a house in the finale. You’d think that a movie with all this and more- e.g. a nun having sex, a little kid hitching a ride with a biker gang and a flatulent senile Mother Superior- would gain notoriety, the ire of parents and cult status but it didn’t.
In fact, I wasn’t even made aware of Bad Manners until recently. I don’t remember it playing in theaters or on cable at any point. I can’t even say for sure if I saw the box at any of my regular video store haunts. What I can say with absolute certainty is that it wouldn’t get made today. It wouldn’t even make it past the pitch stage. I can see parents frothing at the mouth over this one. In addition to the teens’ terrible behavior, it’s decidedly not PC. The things the Fitzpatricks say about Mexicans are offensive. I’m sure we’d hear from Hispanic anti-defamation groups on that issue. In any event, it would have been interesting to see how Bad Manners would have gone over in ’84.
Tonally inconsistent throughout, Bad Manners isn’t exactly a high-water mark of cinema or any other kind of art for that matter. Some of it doesn’t even make sense. The chaos inside the orphanage belies the fact it’s under the rule of strict authority figures. Logically, it should be an ultra-orderly place like a military school with expressionless kids silently marching in line like obedient robots. It introduces potential plot threads like Piper wanting to see his stripper mom (the only picture he has of her is a Hustler centerfold) only to not follow through. The acting, especially by the adults, is way OTT to the point of embarrassment. Black’s character is a self-obsessed, Valium-popping idiot who can’t understand why her newly adopted son doesn’t know what she means by “ring for the soup”. Mull’s character uses terms like “burr head”. De Salvo and Dunne take turns chewing up the scenery. Robertson’s character is a whiny, obnoxious princess with an IQ roughly the same as her shoe size. She appears fully nude in one scene, yet another thing to add to the long list of shocking content.
The kid actors, on the other hand, are pretty good. Olden makes a convincing bad ass rebel while Segall has some nice scenes as the only female in the group. Hentz’s character, who looks to be about nine of ten, is like a mini Rasputin. He’s sweet on the outside, but wicked on the inside. He’ll steal your heart while emptying your bank account. The relationship they build with each other, the whole “us against the world” things, feels palpable and genuine.
In the end, it’s the kids that make Bad Manners a cinematic journey worth taking. It has a high degree of shock value, a malicious sense of humor and a ton of attitude. Underneath all the rowdiness, there’s a little bit of heart. Thankfully, Houston keeps it from becoming too maudlin or sickly sweet with his unique approach. It’s funny in a wicked kind of way. HOWEVER, it won’t connect with everybody. If you’re one of those people who think smoking cigarettes should factor into a movie’s rating, DON’T WATCH! It’ll only piss you off. All others, especially all you warped persons, have at it.
