Drive-In Massacre (1976) Dimension Pictures/Horror RT: 74 minutes Rated R (graphic violence, brief nudity, language) Director: Stu Segall Screenplay: John Goff and Buck Flowers Music: Lon John Productions Cinematography: Kenneth Lloyd Gibb Release date: January 7, 1977 (US) Cast: Jake Barnes, Adam Lawrence, Douglas Gudbye, Verkina Flowers, Newton Naushaus, Catherine Barkley, Norman Sherlock, Frank Hollowell, Valdesta, Michael Alden, Marty Gatsby, Patricia James, Tiffany Jones, Myron Griffith, George “Buck” Flower (uncredited). Box Office: N/A Body Count: 9
Rating: ** ½
Before I get into Drive-In Massacre itself, I’d like to talk about a couple of cool things on the poster. One, it’s advertised as “being filmed entirely in bloodcurdling GORE-COLOR”. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but it sounds neat. Two, there’s a special warning for people with “severe emotional disorders or chronic coronary dysfunction” to “NOT see this movie” because “an independent film board” has deemed it “too terrifying for viewing by the average theater patron”. I don’t know about all that, but it’s a sweet hook. I LOVE stuff like this. Both of these things would have made me buy a ticket had I been old enough to see Drive-In Massacre at the time.
As for the actual movie, it’s not bad as far as cheap slasher movies go. The title Drive-In Massacre is fairly self-explanatory. It’s about a killer slashing his way through the patrons of a California drive-in theater starting with a couple about to make out. Well, she wants to fool around; he wants to watch the movie. Now there’s a switch! The killer solves the argument by beheading the man and skewering his girlfriend through the neck with a sword, his preferred instrument of death. His murder spree continues over the next few nights with another decapitation, a slit throat and a couple impaled by his sword.
Two overweight detectives, Leary (Barnes, Gas Pump Girls) and Koch (Alden, Malibu Beach), are assigned the case. They interview the drive-in’s ill-tempered manager (Naushaus, Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens) and oddball custodian (Gudbye, C.B. Hustlers). The latter tells them about a weirdo customer (Sherlock, Alice Goodbody) who cruises the joint on the lookout for couples doing exactly what you’d expect them to be doing in an R-rated slasher flick. It sounds like they have a prime suspect with this one which can only mean he’s likely NOT their guy. At one point, the detectives do a little undercover work with one of them dressed in drag. Uh, YIKES!
SPOILER ALERT! I’d be doing Drive-In Massacre a great disservice if I didn’t talk about the ending or non-ending if you prefer. It’s the other cool thing about the movie. If you really don’t want the surprise ending (?) spoiled, STOP READING NOW! You’ve been duly warned. At a certain point, the movie just stops and titles come up informing viewers that similar bloodbaths are occurring at drive-ins throughout the country and the still unidentified killer remains at large- “The killer could strike again. Anywhere… Anytime… who will be next?” Then a man identifying himself as “the manager” announces that a murderer is loose in the theater and viewers shouldn’t panic (“Do not panic. I repeat, do not panic.” as “police are on the way”). This is like something out of an old William Castle movie. I can see where some are frustrated by such open-ended endings, but I think it’s cool. It’s a fun way to cap things off.
I remember renting Drive-In Massacre from West Coast Video after school one day in spring ’86, but I guess my mind wasn’t really on it when I watched it. I couldn’t recall a single detail as I sat to rewatch it earlier today. One of the first things that struck me when I was writing the header for this review was the unusual number of actors using pseudonyms. According to IMDb, it’s because Drive-In Massacre was made non-union and cast members didn’t want trouble with the SAG (Screen Actors Guild). I never knew that. I guess you do learn something new every day.
ANYWAY, the movie itself isn’t especially great. The screenplay is a perfect exercise in minimalism. It gives us absolutely nothing in the way of character development. The only real backstory we get is the frequent mentioning of the manager and custodian formerly working for a carnival (as sword-swallowers no less) operated by the theater’s absentee owner. The plot is paper-thin to the point where the makers throw in a random bit near the end about another possible suspect holding a young girl hostage with a machete to her throat just to pad out the running time.
The acting, for the most part, is rather wooden. Naushaus plays up the nasty as the manager described as a “perfect a**hole” and “bald-headed garbage can” by the dim cops. He gets the choicest lines like his warning to a cop about to eat a ham sandwich, “You better watch it, you might be eating your father.” Gudbye camps it up as a guy with obvious mental problems. He’s the biggest red herring in a movie that has enough to fill a tank at Sea World. Naturally, Drive-In Massacre is filled with dumb dialogue and idiotic behavior on the part of the not-too-bright characters. It also has a score so generic, it’s not even credited to any one composer.
To its credit, Drive-In Massacre has a few decent kill scenes and some gore. Obviously, I wish it had more of both. Movies with the word “massacre” in the title should be legally obligated to provide a high body count (at least in the double digits) and a river of blood. The effects are cheesy, but since we’re talking about a low budget horror flick, it’s to be expected.
In the end, Drive-In Massacre scores higher for presentation than quality. I love its blatant attempts to lure in viewers with the promise of a truly terrifying experience. That it’s a false promise is completely beside the point.
