Hard to Die (1990, aka Sorority House Massacre III) New Horizons/Horror RT: 83 minutes Rated NC-17 (extreme horror violence [?], nudity) Director: Jim Wynorski (as “Arch Stanton”) Screenplay: Mark Thomas McGee and James B. Rogers Music: Chuck Cirino Cinematography: Jurgen Baum Release date: March 10, 1993 (US, video) Cast: Robyn Harris, Lindsay Taylor, Debra Dare, Melissa Moore, Bridget Carney, Jurgen Baum, Karen Chorak, Don Key, Forrest J. Ackerman, Dominic Muir, Carolet Girard, Eric Baum, Amelia Sheridan, J.B. Rogers, Monique Gabrielle (as “Lucy Burnett”), Jim Wynorski (uncredited), Don Peterson, Kelli Maroney (as “D. Mason Keener”), Greg LaVoi, Cirsten Weldon, Bob Sheridan, “Orville Ketchum as Himself” (Peter Spellos). Box Office: N/A Body Count: 7 ½
Rating: ** ½
Don’t believe everything you read on video boxes. On the cover, Hard to Die is described by drive-in movie critic Joe Bob Briggs as a “female version of Die Hard”. It even has a title meant to evoke the classic Bruce Willis actioner. Well, it’s NOT that even though it has machine guns and takes place in a high-rise building. It’s actually a DTV slasher flick featuring five hot girls in various states of undress running from a mad killer (NOT Eurotrash criminals) in an office building after hours. Gotta love the old bait and switch technique.
Hard to Die goes by a couple of other titles, Tower of Terror and my personal preference, Sorority House Massacre III. It’s a follow-up to Sorority House Massacre II in that it tells essentially the same story (in a different location) and it has some of the same characters and actors including three of the five original lead actresses (who play different characters). So who’s back for another go-around? The two cops, Lt. Block (Jurgen Baum) and Sgt. Shawlee (Chorak), are once again on the case. And once again, it takes them all night to get to the scene of the crime. Also returning is our old friend Orville Ketchum (Spellos), as creepy and unkillable as ever. He just happens to be the nighttime janitor at the building where the latest massacre goes down.
The plot of Hard to Die is basically recycled goods with a few changes. The five girls- Dawn (Harris), Tess (Moore), Shayne (Carney), Jackie (Dare) and Diana (Taylor)- are office workers tasked with working an overnight shift doing inventory for a lingerie company. Why a lingerie company? It gives the girls a logical reason for wearing only sexy underwear for most of the movie. Of course, that’s after each one of them takes a hot, soapy shower (T&A, baby!). ANYWAY, a package meant for a museum with an almost identical address is mistakenly delivered. They accidentally open it and find an ancient Egyptian puzzle box inside. Before you can say “Hellraiser rip-off”, they solve it and unleash the evil spirit inside. Shortly thereafter, a hooded figure starts bumping them off.
Where does good old Orville fit in? He serves the same function as in the previous movie. He tells the new girls about the original sorority house killings. The girls scream their heads off every time he shows his face. He’s the main suspect when the new killings commence. Block still thinks he’s guilty of the original murders and intends to prove it despite orders to stay away from him. Each girl gets a turn trying to kill Orville. He won’t stay down. He keeps on coming and coming. Then he helps save the day at the end.
Don’t look to Hard to Die for good acting, brilliant writing or anything else you might find in a film that won multiple Oscars. You certainly won’t find any of it here. Of course, that goes without saying. We’re talking about a movie produced by schlockmeister Roger Corman. It’s cheap, trashy and dumb. It’s also fun. It’s more fun than it ought to be. Let’s set aside the cheap production values, bad acting and recycled plot to talk about what really matters in this case. Is it effective as a silly slasher flick? I’d say yes, mostly. I was disappointed in the lack of gore especially with its NC-17 rating for “extreme horror violence”. It’s not all that bloody. It’s not nearly as violent as the average Friday the 13th movie. The kills lack creativity. This part of Hard to Die is a letdown.
What it lacks in blood, Hard to Die makes up for in spirit. Returning director Jim Wynorski (Chopping Mall) takes a tongue-in-cheek approach to the material. He endows it with humor that walks the line between twisted and goofy. Take the scene on the set of what has to be the cleanest porno movie ever made. The director, played by Wynorski in an uncredited cameo, gets into a debate with his clothed cast over his decision to have lead actress Fifi Latour (Girard) wear her shoes in bed. They argue that it makes no sense to wear shoes in bed; he counters that dirty feet aren’t a turn-on. I can see such a conversation taking place on the set of a movie not directed by Quentin Tarantino.
While the writing isn’t exactly stellar, Mark Thomas McGee and James B. Rogers clearly enjoyed coming up with story elements like having the girls stumble across a cache of automatic weapons at just the right time. The sight of scantily clad women firing machine guns is classic exploitation movie stuff. And how convenient is it their employer has plenty of product samples on hand? It’ll come in handy in case they need dry clothes for some reason- e.g. a sprinkler suddenly turning on. Also, this way Wynorski has an excuse for showing boobs.
The female leads, Moore in particular, are attractive. Their characters are dim but they can all scream really loud. What else do you need? Jurgen’s character is a goof on every TV detective. Orville Ketchum is awesome as Orville Ketchum. I love that Wynorski once again uses scenes from The Slumber Party Massacre for flashbacks. It totally fits the movie’s goofball sensibility. And I think that about covers everything I wanted to say about Hard to Die, Sorority House Massacre III or Tower of Terror, whatever you choose to call it.
